False Starts

Chapter 20

RYAN fingers slipped as he tried to put on his watch and it fell to the floor with a soft whump. The watch was heavy but luckily the hotel room floor was carpeted, so there was no damage done. Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said of Ryan. He put his hands on the dresser, leaning forward and hanging his head. He was supposed to be getting ready for a party, one of many he would be attending during the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in New York. This one was being thrown by Details magazine. But his mind was not even remotely on the party.

      “You didn’t say it back.”

      It had been days since he had taken the over eight hour drive from Gainesville to Charlotte to catch Abbie before she left for Fell’s Point. But he remembered everything she said, could hear it like they were still standing in her mother’s driveway.

      He tried to remember in the eight years that they had lived together, if he had ever told Abbie that he loved her, even when they were supposed to be just friends. He had never really thought of it before.

      “You didn’t say it back.”

      Ryan cringed, looking at himself in the mirror. He had left Abbie, after they had both finally given in to everything they were feeling. Even when he knew that being with her was right, safe and good. He left her, without bothering to explain why. No wonder she didn’t know how he felt. Cullen was right. He had been taking Abbie for granted, taking and taking when their relationship had always been a two-way street. He wondered when exactly he had started being such a douchebag to her.

      “You didn’t say it back.”

      Ryan wanted to tell Abbie how much he loved her right there and then, tell her over and over. But it was too late. She had made up her mind to be with Michael. And Ryan knew, like he had known the moment he walked out of that hotel room in London, even though he had lied to himself every day until he saw her again.

      He had lost her.

Michael had asked Abbie to come with him to New York, but she declined, saying that she was busy. Owen had given her jobs to do in Baltimore, one of which was a featurette on Duff Goldman and Charm City Cakes. There were also separate articles on his family, one each for his mother, Hilary and Whitney.

      Personally, Michael thought the jobs were an excuse.

      They both knew that Ryan was in New York for Fashion Week. To be honest, who didn’t? Ryan was still everywhere, and it pained Michael to know that he still affected the way Abbie was living her life. The move was supposed to take her away from all that, but it was difficult to hide from something (or someone) that was in every corner of the world you lived in. Michael didn’t push Abbie to come with him, thinking that maybe it was for the best.

      As soon as he arrived at the Details party, he was certain that it was. Ryan was standing with Conor, drink in hand, looking for all the world like the happy-go-lucky bachelor the media was making him out to be. Michael was almost angry about it and decided that it wouldn’t be a good idea to be around him right now. He headed in the direction that would lead him as far from Ryan as possible.

      It wasn’t long before they found him though. Michael was leaning over the railing when a heavy hand clapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, Phelpsy,” he heard Ryan say. Michael managed to push a smile on his face before turning around, right when someone called to them for a picture. After a couple of photos, Conor stayed long enough to bump fists with Michael then was called away by an acquaintance. Left alone, the two friends stood in awkward silence, each one hoping the other would speak first.

      “So, uh,” Ryan began, haltingly, “is Abbie settling in all right?” He kept his eyes to the floor, apparently preferring to talk to his shoes rather than to Michael.