False Starts

Chapter 22

ALL eighty species of crickets in Florida seemed to have taken up the challenge of filling the silence between Ryan and Abbie. Their song filled the night air, almost deafening.

      After Ade and Carly left them alone, Carly casually asking how Ryan kept getting into the house as she walked by, Ryan stepped out into the backyard. He looked at Abbie, silently asking if he could come closer; she nodded slightly, pulling her knees up against her chest and wrapping her arms around them. It was a nervous stance that Ryan knew very well and it made him cringe because he never thought she would ever close herself up like that around him. He sighed as he sat in one of the chairs, facing her. He didn’t know where to start, unfortunately.

      Louder conversations had been had in sign language.

      “So,” Ryan finally stated, feebly, puffing out his cheeks a bit, “I guess we should talk.”

      The crickets got louder. Somewhere down the street, a dog barked and someone’s car alarm went off.

      Then Abbie started to giggle. She bit her lip, trying not to, but her shoulders started to shake and Ryan himself tried not to laugh, but neither of them could help it. Soon they were both laughing madly and couldn’t stop for a while. Finally catching herself, Abbie sighed apologetically. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why that was funny,” she said, wiping at her eyes.

      “Me neither,” Ryan agreed. He put a hand on his stomach and breathed deeply, shaking his head.

      Once she had caught her breath, Abbie sighed again. “I missed this,” she said softly. “And you.”

      Ryan lifted his eyes to Abbie’s face and managed a smile, but it took a full minute before he was able to say anything. He took his cue from the way she was smiling a little even though she wouldn’t look back at him. “I am so sorry, Abbie,” he said. “I shouldn’t have left you that day.”

      “I shouldn’t have run away to Baltimore.” Abbie shrugged.

      “You wouldn’t have if I hadn’t, you know,” Ryan squirmed a little when he said, “broken your heart.”

      Abbie didn’t have an answer for that one so she didn’t say anything and Ryan decided to keep talking. “I’ve missed you so much,” he said, leaning forward a little. “I think about you all the time. How you walk, how you talk. How you trip over your own feet.” Abbie smiled a bit more at that and Ryan, gaining confidence, continued. “Most of all, I’ve been thinking about how I feel about you.”

      At last, Abbie looked up at Ryan, without any expectation. “It’s okay, Ryan,” she whispered. “You don’t have to.”

      “But I want to. You have to understand, Abs, I do love you. But that’s not all I feel about you.”

      A light breeze kicked up and Abbie’s hair blew into her face as she looked at Ryan in confusion. Instinctively, Ryan reached over to brush it back. His hand rested on her cheek for a moment before he lowered it and smiled at her again. “You know you have the same look on your face right now as the one you had the first time we met,” he chuckled, amused. “I knew, then. One day you were going to mean everything to me.”

      Abbie unfolded her limbs and got up from the chaise, turning away. “Ryan, don’t –“

      “It’s true,” Ryan insisted, standing up himself. He moved to stand in front of Abbie. “I knew it when I opened the library door for you and you started telling me about the Shoe books, and I knew it when you showed up at the pool that afternoon, holding about five books in your arms.” A thoughtful look crossed his face as he remembered. “You always seemed to be carrying a lot of books back then.”