False Starts

Chapter 6

RYAN fidgeted in his seat in the airport waiting area as people started coming out of the gate. He was antsy, and right now it wasn’t because he was excited for the Olympics. Abbie was coming home today; she had headed straight to Baltimore with Michael after trials and he hadn’t seen her since before he left for home.

      “Will you sit still, you look like you’re about to pee,” Devon said with a laugh. “She’ll be out soon, man. Look, there she is now.” 

      And there she was, kind of running towards him. “Reezy!” she squealed.

      Ryan got up quickly and spread his arms wide. “Spazzee!” Ryan bellowed, causing several people to look at him. He ignored them as he caught Abbie in his arms and twirled her around.

              When he set her down, she said, “Dramatic, cheesy, run-and-catch-hug meeting at the airport?” Ryan narrowed his eyes and then –

                “CHECK!” they both said, then high-fived and laughed hysterically, cracking up even harder when Ryan added “Jeah!”

      Devon rolled his eyes at the pair of them, as he retrieved Abbie’s duffel bag which she dropped when she ran. They headed over to the parking garage and while Devon loaded Abbie’s luggage into the Range Rover, Ryan turned to her, his face serious. “I seem to be saying this a lot lately, Abs, but I’ve missed you.”

      Abbie responded with a laugh. “Ryan, you saw me two days ago in Omaha.”

      “I know,” Ryan said with a shrug, opening the car door for her. “I just missed you.”

      Abbie bit her lip as she got in. She felt a bit bad as she hadn’t really thought about missing Ryan at all. She also felt bad about not spending as much time with him in Omaha as she said she would. Between that and going home to Baltimore with Michael, Abbie felt like the shittiest friend ever. “I’m sorry, Ry, I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” she said, apologetically. Ryan just smiled at her.

      “Ignore him, he’s been weird ever since he came home without you,” said Devon, witheringly as he settled in the backseat. “Come on, everyone’s waiting for us.”

A pep rally was being held for all the Gators on the US Swim team, so they headed over to the university first. After that, they made their way home. Abbie had volunteered their house for a send-off party, which Ade and Carly had to organize without her. The Baltimore trip was making Abbie feel kind of selfish now, but her housemates assured her that it wasn’t a big deal, since Ryan was always on hand to help. Somehow, that just made her feel worse.

      “Don’t worry about it, Abs,” Ryan insisted when they got to the house after the pep rally. A cheer went up among the crowd when they walked in, and people shook Ryan’s hand and patted him on the back as they meandered through the front hall.

      “I feel really shitty about it, Ry,” Abbie insisted once they were clear. “I mean, not that I regret going with Michael, I just didn’t think it was going to be a problem.”

      Ryan put his arm around Abbie’s shoulders and gave her a light squeeze. “It wasn’t. You’re being too hard on yourself.” Keeping his arm around her, he led her into the living room and snagged a Jello shot from a tray being passed around. “Here, take this and chill. I’m going to check on Conor and Lizzie. Come find me in 5 minutes.” Then he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and went off to find his teammates.

      “Make sure Lizzie’s not drinking!” Abbie called out. Elizabeth Beisel was the youngest Gator on the Olympic Swim team, and at 19, was barely legal. Ryan just waved a hand back at Abbie, and she her rolled her eyes. Still, he was right. She was going to have to chill if she wanted the night to be a success. So, with a slight grimace, Abbie downed the Jello shot, turned up Lil’ Wayne on the speakers and went looking for Ryan.

The night seemed endless, but in a good way. Ryan and his teammates were leaving for Tennessee in the morning, but it felt like it was never going to come. A little after midnight, Elizabeth and Conor finally announced that they had to go home, so Abbie asked them for a photo op together with Dana Vollmer, another Gator member of the swim team, and Ryan before they left. However, Ryan was nowhere in sight. “Where’s Ryan?” she asked as Conor put his arms around both girls for the photo. All three of them shrugged. “Forget it, I’ll Photoshop him in!” This caused them to laugh and the picture came out great, with the three Olympians wearing the biggest smiles on their faces.

      Abbie decided to look for Ryan, if only to remind him that he should get some rest before tomorrow. Maybe she could still get the Gator photo she wanted.

      She found him in her room, standing in front of her “wall of happy”, a bulletin board filled with photos she’d taken of things that just made her, well, happy. And not just something she enjoyed, like a walk in the park, or a thick vanilla milkshake. People, places, events that gave her the most wonderful feeling of elation, like nothing else mattered. That was her Wall of Happy.

      “What are you doing up here?” she asked. Ryan just stood there, looking at the photos, or through them, it seemed. “Conor and Lizzie are about to leave and Dana says she has to go soon, too. They want a Gator pic before they go.”

      Ryan turned at the sound of her voice. “’They’ want a Gator pic?” he asked, with a knowing smirk.

      “Ok, I want a Gator pic,” Abbie conceded, rolling her eyes. He laughed then turned back to the wall. For a moment, Abbie just looked at him. Something was up with Ryan, but he didn’t seem to want to tell her. “Are you ok?” she asked, concerned. Ryan just nodded.

      “This wall,” he said, as though she hadn’t asked a question. “It’s a big thing, right? Like, these are all the things that made you smile and made you happy.”

      Abbie nodded, her face forming the confusion she felt. She walked over to stand next to him with her arms crossed. “Hence, the name.”

      “I can see your sister’s wedding, the day your nephew was born,” he went on as his eyes roamed the dozens of photographs taped to the board. He pointed to one of a black tabby cat with white paws. “I see Reeses sitting on the lawn chair in your backyard, even. He really makes you happy?”

      “He does. Because he understands me and he doesn’t complain as loudly as some people,” Abbie chided, bumping him with her hip lightly as Ryan laughed.

      “I see Michael,” Ryan said quietly a few seconds later, not looking at her.

      Abbie turned to the photo he was talking about. “Yeah, our first date.” She cringed slightly, remembering that that was when she had stood Ryan up a couple of weeks ago.

      Ryan nodded, and was quiet for a long time, just looking at his shoes. Then suddenly, “Do I make you happy, Abs?”

      Abbie raised an eyebrow. “That’s the stupidest question you’ve ever asked me, Lochte,” she answered. “And that’s counting ‘should I eat all the toothpaste because Devon dared me to’.”

      “Hey, that was a legitimate question,” Ryan argued, grinning at her. “It was for twenty bucks!” He laughed but soon calmed down and looked at her again. “Seriously, though Abs. Do I make you happy?”

      Abbie sighed and let out an amused chuckle. “You know what I see when I look at this board?” she asked in response. She reached out and plucked off a photo. “I see Worlds 2007, when you broke Aaron’s 7-year streak. I see my dad’s birthday barbecue, when you ducked out of a Speedo photo shoot early to come to Jacksonville with me. I see you setting a new record at Worlds 2011. Your 25th birthday. Graduation.” She detached each photo, handing them to Ryan as she did so. Then she pulled another one out of a bunch she took from her camera bag. “I see you coming in first in the 400 IM at the 2012 Olympic trials,” she finished, holding up the photo.

Ryan took it from her silently.

      “You’re all over this wall, Lochte,” Abbie continued, leaning against the edge of the bulletin board and looking at him. “You are the constant happy. I thought you knew that. So forgive me if I don’t understand how you can ask me that question.” Abbie waited for him to say something. Instead he just placed the photos on her desk and headed towards the door, grabbing her hand on the way.

      “Come on, let’s take some pictures,” he said with a grin as he pulled her out of the room.