Fine, I'll leave (Phanfiction)

The feelings

<the night before it all happened>

<<Phil's POV>>

kiss him.

Kiss him for gods sake.

You know you want to kiss him. You have known since the first Skype call, known that he was different.

You have known when you first met, when you first met in Manchester, on the 19th of October 2009.

You have known when you took your first picture together in that apple shop.

You have known when you went on the Manchester eye with him and felt like grabbing his hand and softly kissing him on the lips whilst at the top.

Even during 2012. You were going to tell him then. Tell him you had feelings for him via a video. But you decided against it.

Stupid me.

Of course it would've gotten out.

I told him it was for a prank video. He told me to tell everyone else that. He never asked me about it. Never questioned whether it was true or not.
It was just silence. Silence for months. Silence.

Whilst deep in thought my head hung low at my feet. I swallowed, flinching as the lump in my throat stung even more. I slowly paced towards him. Towards Dan. Everything was quiet apart from the occasional rustling of the bags and the deafening beating of my heart almost jumping out of my skin.

I stood right before him, debating what to do. I rapped my arms around his shoulders and brung him into a hug. My head rested between his neck and the small shoulder gap from my arms. I felt his hands being tightened around my back, so carefully, as if trying not to disturb me. Every single mili-second my arms were rapped around him I felt safe. It felt so right. It felt like nothing could go wrong. His body warmth eased the throbbing pain in my heart, the voices of denial in my head, the lump in my throat.

I pulled my head away from his neck, loosening my arms around his shoulders. I stared at him, stared at his beautiful brown eyes glistening in the light like fire. His cheeks blushed a cherry red colour and he slightly bit the inside of his bottom lip with his top teeth, turning it a lighter shade of pink.

My head turned slightly to the left as I leant in not wasting anymore time.

I couldn't wait any longer.

7 years of hiding it. 7 years.

I leaned into him, gripping his shoulders with my hands. My lips touched his. It never felt so real. Everything around me was gone. I couldn't care about anything apart from us right now. My heart felt as if it was being squeezed and all of my bad feelings had been taken out, taken out from existence. My hands clenched his t-shirt, as my thoughts floated all over the place.

He was kissing me back.

He wasn't just letting it happen, no, he was kissing me back

Kissing me.

Me.

Me?

Does he-- is he--am I really--

My thoughts get cut off as his arms pushed mine away from his shoulders. Confusion. Confusion was in his eyes. Then anger. He hesitated for a few moments trying to take in what happened. My eyes swelled up as the rage in his eyes grew more noticeable.

Shouting.

Screaming.

My eyes filled to the brim with tears, not able to see Dans face.

I tried explaining, apologising but he wasn't listening.

Well done.

You fucked up.

He hates you.

He won't ever forgive you for that.

The words I said to him echoed in my head.

"Fine, I'll leave"

Through bloodshot eyes, sweaty palms and running nose I managed to pack my stuff.

I picked up the ring I had bought last month. I stood outside Dans room hesitant to knock. 10 minutes passed, I just stood there, helpless, as the man I loved slowly grew feelings for me, the wrong feelings for me.

I noticed the creaking floorboard my feet were squirming on, the loose floorboard that kept sliding out. We discussed about getting that fixed but never seemed to get round to it.

I knelt down and slid the board out of the ground,only enough to slip my hand through. I stared at the black box containing the ring before sealing it into the old dusty hole between the board and the floor.

"Fine, I'll leave" I mumbled to myself, standing back up, tears sliding down my face as I headed to the front door.

"Fine, I'll leave" I mumble a bit louder, muffled by the sound of the door carefully being shut.

Im sorry for not posting yesterday I got caught up in life, so here's a long-ish chapter.
No promises for the next few days because I'm flying to America but I might write on the plane I'm not to sure yet :p