Fine, I'll leave (Phanfiction)

Box of secrets

<< before- almost to present>>
< Dan's POV>

My eyes fluttered open, squinting as small bursts of water flew into my eyes.
I lowered my hand clenching my stomach as the water now bounced off my hand. I sat more forward instead of being hunched against the wall, a satisfying click escaped from my back as I clenched my stomach slightly harder feeling the numbness the shower had caused on it. I don't know how long I was out for but all around me was just steam, nothing but the whirling steam circling round and round in the small shower space.

I lowered my head in attempts to stare at my stomach, small drops of freezing water dripped from my hair causing shivers down my spine as they hit my stomach.

I stood up; uneasy at first. I stumbled over to the shower and turned it off watching as the last of the water dripped from the head.  Before looking up to open the door I stared down once again to my stomach, it was bright red and faint white dots were visible from the pressure of the water on my skin.

Raising my head I grabbed the shower door and shoved it open, feet slipping, almost falling over in the process. I reached for a towel to dry myself off as the steam from the shower escaped and mixed with air, circles of steam swirled forming large shapes.

After drying myself off I headed back to my room and picked out some clothes that were hanging up, then headed over to my dresser to get some socks when my hand ran over the small wooden box on the top of the dresser. "My box of secrets" I'm pretty sure I said in one of my videos, "no one will ever see what's inside" I remember joking about. I grasped my hands around the side of the box brining it closer to my chest and opening it, the only thing that lay inside was the questions from pinof 1. I slightly bit my lip and tears started to form in my eyes as I carefully grabbed the sheet of paper from the box, shuddering at the feeling of wet hands on paper.

Tears started sliding down my cheeks as I read through the cheesy questions and fluently remember how we answered them, how our heads were so close we may as well of been kissing, how Phil laughed so much he almost fell and used my chest as support. How at the end he jumped on top of me forcing me into the gaps between the beds, his face so close to mine I could feel his breath warming my already blushing cheeks, the tip of his nose touching mine as our eyes locked on to each other's, both of us never wanting to leave this moment. Then watching it back and smiling so hard; editing out about a minute of just pure silence as we lay on the floor staring at each other intently.

I seemed too stuck in the moment to realise the amount of tears running from my eyes, soaking the sheet of paper, my hands fumbled in panic as I placed the sheet back into the box and placed it back on to my dresser, grabbing a pair of socks as I did so.

My phone buzzed. Only a Twitter notification. I was now able to see the time though, night, already? I must've been out all day, oh well, I guess it's time for another restless night.

I clambered into bed, squirming my feet in the coldness, whimpering as my stomach growled. I couldn't eat. I could barley leave the room to go to the shower, let alone go back to the place he kissed me.

I never wanted to leave my room again.

I closed my eyes in attempts to sleep, I knew there was no way I would be able to sleep though. My phone buzzed once again, almost startling me this time as I was deep in my thoughts. It was PJ.

"Hey dude, are you okay? I haven't heard from you in a couple of days?"

My hands wrapped around my phone as I stared intently at it. Should I even bother replying. He doesn't care. No one cares. He's probably just asking because he's getting spammed off the fans, asking why I haven't tweeted in over 3 days.

I un-clenched my phone watching it slide out of my hands and back down beside me on the bed. I pulled the covers up around me and over my head, I didn't want to disturb Phil with my crying-- Phil? I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm so used to being with him, I can't let him go. Even when I'm crying for him I still feel like he's here and that I need to not disturb him with my pathetic sobs.

"Im sorry Phil" I mumble throughout sniffs and whimpers but completely muffled by my face fully buried into the bed sheets.

Hi, ugh sorry for like everything I need to be more organised with all this.

I don't know if I will be posting this weekend as I'm going to a friends I will try :/