Innocent

Waiting

It was the time in between my call to the emergency services and the ambulance actually arriving that seemed to drag on into the depths of eternity. I sat beside my dying father and waited for him to be saved. I started to panic, frantically worrying that I had given the paramedics the wrong address, or that they had gotten lost.

So when they finally arrived, I had to try my very hardest not to break into tears - not that I wasn't close to hysterics. One of the younger paramedics ushered me into the other room to ask me some questions and to console me if he could. I ran him through all the information I could think of that may help enough to keep my father alive. 

Now I am no medical expert by any means, but when I saw the navy blurs in uniform drag my father onto a stretcher, my heart seemed to sink. They wouldn't take him to hospital if they thought it wasn't serious. And to be completely honest, I would rather not have speculated the condition of the dying man, just in case I suspected the worse. 

It was at that moment that I had the most horrendous thought. If I lose my father, I would have no one left in this world. My mother was god knows where doing god knows what. My best friends had lives of their own, and I was terrified of the man I loved.

And that's why after the flashing lights and howling sirens carried away me and my father to the hospital, I simply sat in the lobby - I had several different calls to make, but there was only one number I was able to call.

Three seemingly-endless rings after the initial dialling, I was greeted by the most comforting voice I may ever hear.

"Hello, Kathy Bower speaking," she said through the crackling speaker. Managing to hold back the tears, I spoke back to her.

"Hi, Mrs Bower, is Benjamin there?" 

"I'll go get Benji for you, Harley." I could hear the familiar sounds of the Bower family - the blaring TV, the music from the stereo, and lastly, the loud banter between the men- as Benjamin's mother made her way through the busy house.

"Harls, what's up?" Benjamin said, his voice full of confusion rather than concern. 

"Meet me at the hospital now... It's my dad-"

"Leaving now. Be there in five." He cut me off, his tone as serious as I've ever heard him. The phone clicked and all of a sudden, he was gone.

***

My father hated hospitals, and made a point of avoiding them - a perfectly understandable aversion. Spending those few eternal moments in the sterile, pastel blue waiting room, I inherited that fear with open arms. I rested my head on the wall behind me, looking up towards the cream ceiling, listening to the heavy raindrops colliding with the roof, thinking about nothing and everything. 

The door swung open suddenly, shaking me out of my almost trance-like state. Benjamin stood in the door frame, worry on his face. With one step towards me, I leap forwards and find that familiar spot his body holds for me, my cheek against his boney shoulder as his arms encased me into his chest. 

"I'm so sorry, Harls," he said, gently kissing the top of my head.

"I haven't heard anything yet," I whimper, sniffling and weeping into his warm body, "what if he doesn't make it?" Benjamin pulled me back and stared dead into my eyes.

"Everything will be okay," he said, his voice both strong and comforting. But I wasn't convinced. I wanted to beat against his chest, screaming at him. Instead, I simply nodded, not needing any more problems at that moment.

We made our way down the bland hallways littered with patients and visitors to the cafeteria. Benjamin bought us both a sandwich - it could've had live maggots in it for all I cared. Sitting opposite from each other, all I could see was the amazing soul in the perfect body. All the worry, the fear and the regret seemed to melt away as I watched him just be himself. There was no one I would rather have by my side, he was my rock.

"I love you," I blurted out, a goofy smile on my face. He matched my smile perfectly and set his sandwich down. 

"Oh really?" He teased. Before I could speak my confirmation, I felt a hand slowly creep its way up my leg.

"Prove it." That devilish smirk returned to his face, and I could remember exactly what he did - or what he would've done - just a week or so ago. I jumped out of my skin, finding my feet almost instantly as I looked down at him in fury.

"What the hell, Benjamin?!" I almost yelled, glancing to see if anyone else was looking our way. With no one around, I continued.

"Are you seriously going to push me for this now?"

"Well you blew me off at my house, and I just want to take your mind off it-"

"Bullshit," I uttered. That was the first time I had properly sworn at a person, and Benjamin was perfectly aware of that. He stood up, our stare never breaking as our eyes met.

"What do I have to do, Harley? Why can't we just screw and get it over and done with instead of making a fuss?"

"I'm fifteen, Benjamin. God, I'm basically a child! It wouldn't even be legal... Can you wait for me?" My tone was almost pleading, my features softened as I practically begged him.

He, however, did not budge, "I can't wait forever. If you won't love me-"

"I do!" I interjected, but he just kept talking over me.

"- then I'll have to be with someone who will." He stormed out of the cafeteria, anger plain on his face. I called after him, following him down the hallways without a moments hesitation. But I had no idea what I would actually do once I caught up to him. I wasn't about to sleep with him, and he seemed determined to get laid.

I reached to front lobby just in time to watch Mrs Bower's car screech out of the parking lot and into the drizzling twilight. Rain blocked my exit into the carpark, and only helped that white Holden skid. 

Neither of us had seen the flood warnings. Perhaps if I had known I would never see Benjamin again, I may have kept my mouth shut. That's just another lie I told myself in the days to come.