Walking Past Him

Desperate Desires

Desires. Desires frame us. Don't you think so? We are what we desire for. Everyone has a desperate desire in them. Something they want truly, deeply, madly or crazily. The desires we have are very different... Some desire for things, sone want money, sone want love but I, I wanted something different.

When I said we all have desperate desires, some of us try to find them. Some already know and try to achieve what they want. I had a desperate desire, a thirst which is still there. My desperate desire was love. His love. His care. His friendship. No, not the romantic love, love as a friend... But you all must be wondering what happened. Right? We were friends. He gave me Fluttering Feelings. Then am I mad that i want something else? Some relations are temporary. Sone happiness wipes away too quickly.

So today I welcome you all to read about the downfall. The starting of the endless pithole of emptiness and darkness. Crazy friendship. True friendship.

Something new did develop. One year of ultinate friendship silenced my inner demons. Who does not want to be friends with the one they love? Someone completely crazy I suppose. Everythung had changed, everything was now so different. So unique... Something that made me happy. Contagiously happy.

Ever heard about the calm before the storm? This was it. The time came.. The time for seperation. One list, One heart and another heartbreak. He drifted away. He became so distinct, so like strangers.

So as I said from Best Friends to Stangers. Again. Things changed and before I could realise what was happening, I was hit by a rock. A rock of lonliness, emptiness and sorrow. Everyone left. Without any reason, without any warning, I was left alone. For the girl who did not know how to talk to anyone, this was ultimate challenge. But for the girl he saved, he changed, it was easy.

Soon I met people. Many people. I made friends, too many friends. But every thing has a cost. What was the cost of this happiness? Endless sorrow. I lost all my self respect, all my self esteem to jokes. To the jokes He cracked. The jokes on me, questioning my existence, my nature, my personality and my potential. Everything changed. I became a superficial person wearing the mask of happiness. The mask of contagious happiness, the kind of happiness he gave me. For everyone I was the happy to go lucky girl who did not care about what others said and made everyone happy. But who was I from within? The girl who felt so unloved, unnoticed and so hated that she kept falling in the pit of lifelessness and sorrow. Who became a living ghost, emotionally wrecked emotionless.

He never understood my worth. He never did. He knew I was there and he knew I will always be there for him. Who cares? No one. This world is a lie, my dear. It is a trap. No one is what they really show. In the end it is you and only you.

It is you who struggles to breathe. And it is you whom the fire burns. The spark burnt me.