Walking Past Him

Destined Downfall

We humans are strange creatures. Whenever we lose something, we dwell ourselves on the memories of it, on the tiny pieces which are left. We always have that one ounce of hope with us, hope for something good that will never come. And the day that hope dies, we die.
We are physically here. But slowly, our soul dies. It pains, it hurts. It screams, it begs for that little hope which is like oxygen to our lungs. The day we lose that hope, we lose ourselves to a pit of emptiness, lifelessness. We get up daily but we forget to sleep. We walk daily but we forget our destination. We breathe each second but we forget the reason. We are alive but hate ourselves.

Every human being is different. Some believe in reality and some prefer dreams. Some are practical and others are hopeless romantics. It is crazy how some people believe in infinity, like it is going to exist forever.
Life, my dear, is a lie. Everything that begins has a end. So does our infinity. Crazy how people think it will go on and on because no one stays. No one will be there forever.
For those who believe in infinity, let me tell you something. Stop believing in infinity, believe in 8.

8 is infinity shaken. Shaken to reality. For all those dreamers who think forever exists, it does. But forever exists when you are alone. Each second will be as long as forever. For those who think life is as constant as infinity, no it is not. Life will move up and down like the curves of eight. You need to decide where to stop.

And here my friends we are, back to the story, back to reality. Like all those believers, I believed in infinity. I believed in forever. I thought he will stay. But when he left those pieces broken, my hope did not die. The world I made did come crashing down but my love for him shielded that little hope. Hope that he will come. Hope that those ashes will be preserved. Hope that he will see what he did, what he burnt. Everyone saw that fire, buring too bright. Eberyone saw the beauty of this never ending love. But the ashes, no one saw them.

And this hope drives us crazy. Trust me, it drives you mad. That little monster called hope withing you never dies, it arouses all the demons that were once calm. And it did in me too. For all the demons he once calmed were dancing within me, engulfing my soul and scattering the ash I became. For I spent days and weeks and months trying to see where I went wrong because our little whistler is never wrong. His tune is never bad, his words are never mean. Because he is a god and I, I am nothing.

This is when my infinity was shaken to reality. This is when I had to chose, chose either to stop at the top or slowly come and succumb at the feet of misery. And this is how began Destined Downfall.

The hope made me go crazy. Like a mad person I kept asking myself what can I do to mend my mistake. Questions surrounded my mind like the clouds around the moon. And then, I found it. I finally got the way to mend what I did, to tell him, to make him listen because my words never reached him, they were safe in my heart.

So, I allowed them to flow. So slowly, so smoothly those words flowed onto a paper like a river flowing to the ocean, to where it belongs. My words flowed as if they were meant to be there, meant to reach him like this.

After writing everything I could, the time came. I had to write what I feel. And i wrote - I love you.

For sometimes simple words say the most so I left it like this with a question. A decision he had to make. I called him, I begged infront of him to come and talk, to become friends again, to realise I do exist. He had a choice. He could make or break. He could make a true friend or he could break a lover.

And then when he did not come, I was shattered. For all I knew, greek gods do not make mistakes. Do they? So it was my fault. It was my fault that I pleaded. It was my fault that I could never forget the shameless whistle his smooth lips played that took my heart. It was my fault that I let the fire burn me. It was my fault that instead of collecting those ashes,I let the wind take them away. I chose this. I gave him the power to hurt me, to break me.

And all this was destiny. It was destiny that made me fall for a nerdass. It was destiny that he changed me, my life. It was my own destiny which I wrote with my own hands.

This was a downfall. My downfall. Destined Downfall.