Double life

Chapter 13

It was Monday, the worst day of the week and I was in class where we were discussing one of Shakespeare's sonnets. Normally I would be interested and would participate but now my mind was somewhere else. I was lost and guilty; I just wanted someone to tell me what is right to do without hurting anyone. But this cause was already lost when we kissed in the lift that night and when we continued doing it fully aware that that would hurt our partners. It was too late to get out of this clean. I was feeling like a dirty cheater, a bad person and it made me want to cry in my bed forever. I had this awful pit in my stomach every time I thought about the consequences of my reckless actions.

"Miss Blake, would you like to add something about the meaning of this sonnet?" The professor was looking at me expectedly but I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't even know which sonnet we were discussing. I shifted in my seat, trying to find something to say and of course everyone was looking at me which made me even more uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening." I mumbled under my nose and I even doubted anyone heard me. The professor wrinkled his nose and cocked his eyebrow at me.

"Oh I know you weren't listening. Now pay more attention." Why did he have to do it then? Ugh, I was never going to understand the professor's need to humiliate their students in front of the class. Sick bastards. He started to talk again and I couldn't help but to dive in my ocean of thoughts again, even though I would prefer to listen about Shakespeare's complicated sonnets instead of beating myself up.

I was walking to my dorm with a cup of coffee, preparing myself mentally for the essay I had to write when out of nowhere two hands grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around. I screamed and almost dropped my coffee on the ground but I soon realised it was only Jack and not a serial killer trying to kidnap me. But he wasn't alone; Alfie was with him both of them laughing at my shocked state.

"Why the f.uck did you do that?" I yelled at both of them but their laughter didn't die down. I didn't see what the funny part was because I almost got a freaking heart attack and probably I had only myself to blame for watching all those horror movies.

"Oh we just wanted to say hi and to invite you with us in my dorm." Jack stated in his calmest voice but his eyes laced with desire and I knew it was for me. I gave a look that said "Are-f.ucking-crazy?" but he ignored me and waited for my answer. 

I looked at Alfie who was giving me puppy eyes at the moment; obviously he didn't notice the silent conversation with Jack.

"I guess I can stay for a while." And Alfie took me for a big hug, placing a kiss on my temple.

"But only for an hour or so, I have a stupid essay for tomorrow." He let go of me but not completely, his arm was resting on my waist and only then I turned my gaze to Jack. I saw a million of emotions passing on his face for a matter of seconds. Jealousy, sorrow, bitterness, sadness. Wait I must be wrong, why would he have those feelings for seeing me with my boyfriend? He quickly recovered and plastered a fake smile that may fool the other but not me.

"Let's go then." He snapped and then stormed to the building, leaving us behind.

"That was strange; he was in a good mood this morning." Alfie snorted and dragged me along with him. Now more than ever I was dreading to be in Jack's dorm because I suspected what was the reason for his sudden mood swing. 

But what could I do? I couldn't be like: "Oh hey babe can you not touch me in front of Jack because we are actually having an affair behind your back so could you like keep your distance?" Yeah, no. This is seriously messed up and I couldn't even describe it.