The rest of the day went usual, I ate dinner without speaking much and came to my room later and was in deep thoughts for around forty minutes. I didn't feel like I made a bad move, overall. Yes, I allowed three girls to get the same spot which is only reserved for one in your life but what's wrong in that? I expected too much or maybe I wanted too much, if I was with Naisha I should've ended my relation with Yogita but she's the one who calls my name in help, and when I accepted Sanika today before the event, I was already over Naisha, we had a really bad argument, so were I wrong? Was I wrong because I didn't tell everything to each of them? No, I was not bound to do that, everybody rests with their personal side, the side which they don't share with everybody, moreover its better not to discuss a bad past with your girl, in my case, I shared my that side with Adnaan but he overturned it, so where were I wrong? Adnaan thinks I wanted to hit him, if I was really so pissed I could've gone to his house or should've hit him even after his long speech.
I knew that Naisha and Sanika were really hurt, moreover it would be better if I don't enter their life again.
I started to read our old conversations before her nessage dropped which just read "sorry", I was not sure for what was this for, for trusting me? Hiding Adnaan case from me? Leaving me like that today when I expected you to understand my situation? I felt like it's good to apologize but not caring whether it'll be accepted or not. So, I started writing, my message read,
"You need not to be sorry! It wasn't your mistake, maybe I just should move on but the reason why I didn't apologize was that I thought you were much more hurt than what I thought. I am not good at saying sorry but will try my best to apologize. I am writing this message cause I feel really bad, thinking about the way I hurt you makes me really sad. I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you and I regret the things I've done. I've lost the one girl I've ever loved and it was cause of the things I've done. Naisha, I feel so bad right now, cause I tore your world apart, and now all I can think about is how I broke your heart. I know sorry's not enough because I'm such a screw up.. But for whatever its worth I wanted to say, that you cross my mind every single day... But I will think at the end that fights exists between true love."
I wanted to ask her what was that sorry was and wanted to check her reply but it was best to forget the complete incident as soon as better. I blocked her just after sending that message, it's better if I missed her reply.
How could I forget the one who was the beggining, Yogita, it was now essential to completely forget her even if she demands a help, I blocked her too but after sending one last message,
" I think of us and how I wanted our story to be exactly like the ones I loved. Looking back now, I realize the stories I loved were tragic and so were we."
I then opened the chat with Sanika and noticed her depressed status and a profile picture of broken heart. She loved me unconditionally but she deserves someone better, I started typing but it was a bit tough to write for her, "Sanika, I am really sorry, though these words doesn't make any sense. To make you feel happy, I would have said 'I love you', but we are talking about making you happy. So far, so true, you are the only one who truly cared for me, loved me unconditionally, you were right about telling you about Naisha and Yogita but what's the benefit in knowing a bad past? I am not your right choice Sanika, you deserve someone better, yo deserve someone who hold your hand back even tighter not the one who wishes to leave it." After this, I dit the same what I did with Naisha and Yogita. If I carry on with even one of them there will be arguments regarding this incident, but one thing was still incomplete, Adnaan. Before messaging him I read his status, "A mask is good till you take care of your feelings, but it's time to break it when you start to hurt others with it." I dropped the idea of even discussing things with him, it's true that I don't want to quarrel with him for ages but things won't be same now so its better to keep it just like it is.
The last thing which I did before falling asleep was dropping a text on Avni, "how's your ankle?"
She would have helped me today if she was there, maybe it's best to keep your circle limited. She was my last hope to help me from getting into depression but I slept without waiting for reply, I was pacing up for a new morning.
