Escapism

14

i hardly ever give of myself to anyone.
not even to myself.

but when i saw the curve of your lips,
i felt like i had won an award;
an award that
i'd do anything to win over, and over again.

eager to please you,
to turn the corners of your lips, i broke down by walls for you.

hesitant at first, brick by brick
but eager to please you,
i bulldozed them down,
one by one.

my eyes were desperate for your
confirmation, for your yes,
for you.

you were always my yes, but on some good days, i could be your maybe.

my efforts remained unrequited,
it was harder to comprehend that my love would follow the path.

eager to please you, to make you stay,
i tried to make up for what you didn't give to me,
begging you to break down your walls for me, take your time, i said,
it's okay, i understand, i said.

i often quieted my frustration, my impatience, my hurt,
because i was eager to please you.

i gave you my all, but for some reason, it was nowhere near to enough for you.

how hypocritical of you. how selfish.

even now, it's hard to let you go. i often scold myself for it.

i didn't deserve you, and you certainly didn't deserve me.

i gave you all of my love, for which you took for granted.

now i am left alone, with nothing for myself, but one question ringing in my mind,
mama, why did you not teach me self
love?