Tonight The World Dies

Chapter 13: Brian

Not too surprisingly, I found it difficult to sleep that night.

Initially, I'd been too angry to fall asleep...and then I'd ended up crying myself to sleep. All my rage had suddenly dispersed, leaving me with nothing but a feeling of emptiness. However, as I'd slept, I'd dreamt about Jimmy: nightmares, repetitive nightmares, each time causing Jimmy to be torn away from me once again.

I woke up about five times, before eventually giving up and going to sit out in the living area, knowing that no one would be out there. The driver pulled over at a gas station, and asked me if I wanted anything. I gave him some money to get me a pack of Marlboro's before I headed to sit outside on the coach steps, staring out into the night, racking my brain of all the thoughts that were currently swirling around it.

I wasn't too sure how long I'd sat out there, but I'd been so lost in thought that I'd failed to notice someone moving around in the bus behind me. I only noticed their presence when they came to sit down beside me.

I turned my head.

It was Avery.

A gut-wrenching feeling settled into my stomach, twisting it as I remembered exactly how I'd reacted earlier.

Matt had been right, I'd been a fucking dick.

Avery caught my eye, smiling at me before holding out a bottle of Jack Daniels that she'd somehow managed to find. I had a feeling she must've raided Zacky's stash.

I raised my eyebrows at her. She shrugged, twisting the bottle open before taking a swig, her lips acutely scrunching up at the bitter taste. Without saying a word, she handed the bottle to me, silently telling me to take it. So, I did.

I turned, staring back out into the night, enjoying the silence that was currently being shared between the two of us. It was nice to have her sitting beside me, it made everything seem a little easier. I thought about Jimmy for a second, wondering what he would've said if he'd seen what I'd done earlier.

He'd probably would've smacked me.

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the tears that had sprung to my eyes.

I'd been such a fool.

I took another swig of the whiskey, tightly shutting my eyes to try and hold back my tears. But, I couldn't do it, and they ended up falling down my cheeks, dropping onto my lap. I felt Avery's arm go around my back, and I immediately leant into her, wrapping my arms back around her middle and pulling her closer to me as I sobbed into her shirt.

"I'm so fucking sorry." I blurted, my voice faltering as I became overwhelmed with emotion.

Avery said nothing, except hushing me, soothing me as she laced her fingers through my dark brown hair. I wondered if she'd taken my words to heart earlier, the ones where I'd accused her of always being on my case...and now, she was being quiet because of it.

I tore away from her, looking up into her eyes. I loved her so fucking much, and I'd treated her like crap. Everything Matt had said had been true; not only that, but I'd got angry at Avery earlier for snapping at me when I'd asked her if she was okay, when I'd gone and done exactly the same thing.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier." I said.

"I know." Avery said, speaking for the first time. Her voice cracked a little, she'd obviously been sleeping before she'd come out here. "I know." She said again, but this time with a little more despair in her voice as she turned her gaze toward the gas station.

"Matt was right, I'm an asshole. I've been so wrapped up in my own little world that I've forgot about everyone else, and seeing Matt and Zacky breakdown today like that onstage, it made me realise how self-absorbed I've actually been...and, I'm so fucking sorry." I said, repeating my apology, running my hands through my hair as my head fell between my arms; they'd been leaning against my knees as I'd been staring out into the empty night.

"Bri, it's okay." Avery began, turning to face me.

"No, it's not." I interjected, shaking my head. "It's not." I repeated, but this time my voice cracked as tears welled up in my eyes once again. I wasn't even sure why I was so upset: maybe it was because I was overworked and emotionally exhausted from everything that had happened today, but regardless of the reason, there was no way that I was going to be able to hold the tears back. "You deserve so much better." I added, shaking my head and burying it into my hands.

Avery leant over, slipping her arm back around me, before gently coaxing me to fall into her lap. I did as she wanted, and collapsed into her, burying my head into her chest as my arms wrapped back around her. Her hands began to soothingly run through my hair, and I felt her plant a kiss to my forehead.

"You're wrong, Brian." She began, her voice barely coming out as a whisper. "You have no idea how wrong you are." Avery added, laughing a little. I lifted my head up, staring into her eyes, a shimmer of guilt flashing across them.

I brought my eyebrows together, frowning with confusion. "What do you mean?" I asked between sniffles.

Avery shook her head. "I've put you through a lot, Brian: I'm lucky to have you." She paused, bringing her hands up to my face to gently caress my cheeks with her thumbs, brushing away my salty tears. "Don't you ever feel like I'm too good for you, because I'm not." She said, her brown eyes taking on a stern glare, almost willing me to agree. I slowly nodded, not too sure if I was agreeing for my sake or hers. "Besides, it's not everyday someone loses their best friend - from childhood, might I add - so, I can forgive you for being a dick." She added, a sly, infectious smile etching across the corner of her mouth. I automatically smiled back, causing her to smile even brighter. I felt her hand clasp tightly around mine, squeezing it slightly.

"You really are something." I said, my gaze catching with hers. She smiled, causing her blushing cheeks to bunch up in the most adorable way. I leant forward, planting a gentle kiss on her lips before leaning into her shoulder, turning to stare out at the stars.

Avery leant down, picking the bottle of Jack Daniels back up before taking another swig. She handed the bottle to me, and we sat there, until the bus driver came back, taking turns to drink a mouthful from the bottle. My body quickly warmed up from the liquor, and when I stood up, I suddenly became aware of how much the alcohol had actually affected me as the world took a while to follow with my line of vision.

As I stood back on the bus, staring down at the door that separated the sleeping area from the living area, a feeling of dread settled into my stomach as I realised I'd have to go back to my bunk, alone. It was the worst part about touring: having to sleep in single beds, because after a long and gruelling day, the first thought on your mind is to snuggle up in bed with your significant other...but that was near impossible with the tiny beds we had to squeeze into.

I sighed.

"What's wrong?" Avery asked, turning around as she noticed that I'd froze to the spot.

I looked around, trying to think of a way around the problem that I currently faced. "Do you reckon we could sleep on the couch?" I asked, nodding toward the couch I had in mind. Even though it wasn't any wider than the beds, it was longer, meaning I could have Avery sleeping between my legs with her head laying on my stomach.

"Sure." Avery agreed, giving me a warm smile before disappearing into the sleeping quarters and returning with two blankets and a couple of pillows. She lay one of the duvets and the pillows down on the couch before standing back, allowing me to lay down. I ended up with one of my legs dangling off the edge of the couch, but I was comfortable enough, and Avery settled down, laying on her side with her head resting on the bottom of my stomach.

Instantly, I felt way more relaxed than I had been if I'd been sleeping alone, and it didn't take long before I fell asleep.