Tonight The World Dies

Chapter 11: Avery

The rest of the day was spent travelling. I'd left the room as soon as I'd finished unpacking all of my things earlier because, well, for one, I no longer needed to be in there but secondly, I didn't wish to be in the same room as Matt, alone, for any longer than I needed to. The atmosphere had been tense, regardless of the fact whether or not we were okay with each other - truth is, I was until Matt had made that comment about asking me if a mistake was all that kiss had meant to me. Then my brain started panicking, wondering if a mistake was honestly all it was to Matt, after all, he had been the one to lean in and kiss me.

It was now late in the evening, and all of us were sitting in the living area of the coach talking amongst ourselves. I'd tried my best throughout the day to interact with Matt normally, but in the end, I found myself trying to avoid all social contact with him as much as possible. The most awkward moment of the day was when Brian, Matt and I had been elected to go get coffees from the gas station we'd stopped at; not that Brian realised that he'd been dumped in the middle of an awkward love triangle. Thankfully though, Matt and I hadn't needed to talk to one another at all really, except when he asked who was going to pay for all the drinks. We'd tossed a coin: Matt had lost.

As I sat beside Brian, twiddling my thumbs, I began to think over everything that had gone on, not only today, but for the past few weeks. Everything with Brian, the kiss with Matt, the revelation that both Matt and I had wanted to tell our other half's, except now we were unsure as the weight of the consequences of what we'd done loomed over us. I clenched my fists. I hadn't even been given a choice in this! He'd kissed me! Why should I have to suffer for something that had been forced upon me?

But then I remembered how it had felt, it hadn't had felt wrong, in fact, it had actually felt right...and that's what bugged me the most. I should despise Matt for what he'd done, and in a way, I did, but honestly, I was more enraged at myself more than anything.

I pushed the thoughts into the back of my mind and looked up, glancing my gaze over everyone in the room. Brian sat next to me, with Val to his left. Matt, Zacky, Johnny and Lacey sat opposite at one of the booths. As my my gaze shifted over Matt, he caught my eye: neither one of us looked away for what seemed way too long, until eventually he smiled, mouthing a question to me, asking me if I was alright.

And that was it.

My brain imploded, and everything that I'd been suppressing over the past few hours, weeks and months came flooding to the surface. Without another thought, I got up and headed into the sleeping quarters: I had to get away and out of there before I had a mental breakdown in front of everyone.

As soon as the door was shut, I leant against it, taking in deep breaths as I tried to calm myself down. Tears stung at my eyelids, welling up and trying to force themselves free. I forcefully bit my lip, attempting to stop myself from bursting into tears through pain, and it almost worked, except that I heard the mechanism in the door click as someone pulled on the handle. Immediately, I pushed myself away, wiping the tears from my face before turning around to see who my intruder was.

It was Brian.

My breath caught in my throat. Why did it have to be him? As soon as I saw his face, all of the barriers that I'd been trying to put up just came undone. I felt my lip quiver, which was the worst thing of all, as tears came back into my eyes.

"Hey? What's wrong?" Brian asked, his dark eyes becoming soft with worry as soon as he saw my face.

I shook my head, turning my face away from him. He couldn't see my like this, I didn't want him to, and not only that, but I knew that I was going to have to lie to him. How could I lie to him? How?