Tonight The World Dies

Chapter 30: Brian

The steam from my morning cup of coffee rose up into my weary face. It had been three days since I'd arrived here at my parent's, and it was the day that I had to leave. I was still no closer to deciding what to do, and I'd given Zacky a call earlier asking to crash at his for a few more days.

A few more days.

It's all I needed.

Or, so I kept telling myself.

"Morning, son." My father greeted as he slipped into a chair across from me at the table. I grunted in reply. "Have you had any further thought about what you're going to do?" He questioned carefully.

I shook my head.

"Well, let me tell you what I know," my father began; I looked up, "you're miserable. You've been brooding for the entire time you've been here and for a good reason, but I know what you're thinking: all you want to do, is pretend that none of this ever happened because you're terrified of the thought of losing the person you love. But, you know you can't do that, and you're torn between doing the right thing, and doing the right thing for you." I just blankly stared at my Dad. He was right. But, I couldn't really find any words to say. "Before you go, let me talk things through with you one more time, see if we can't clear some of your feelings up." Dad said, reaching a hand out and patting my arm. "I'll come up to your room in half an hour, let you get dressed." I nodded, and downed the rest of my coffee before I slid out from my chair and made my way upstairs.

True to his word, Dad knocked on my door half an hour later. I'd just finished styling my hair: after three days of allowing it to be a messy unstyled mop, I'd decided that today was as good as any other day to finally make an attempt to look half-decent.

I called my Dad in as I sat down on the edge of the bed. I'd thought some things over as I'd got dressed, and I think I had a clearer idea of what to do, but I was definitely still going to go to Zack's for a few days first, chill a little bit, remind myself of all the good things in my life.

"I'm heading to Zacky's for a few days." I informed my father. "I'm still not one-hundred-percent sure on what to do, but I'm about seventy-percent sure I know what I'll pick."

My Dad nodded thoughtfully.

"That's good." He eventually spoke. "Why don't we try and bring that percentage up to about eighty?" He gave me a dilapidated smile, and I forced one back. "How did you feel when you found out about Matt and Avery?"

I shuddered. Hearing their names together in that context felt so immoral.

"I crashed the car, Dad, what do you think?" I pointed out. Brian Sr. gave me a disappointed stare. I sighed and thought carefully about how I'd felt at the hospital: I still didn't remember everything about the crash, I remember what I'd felt, but I still couldn't recall what had exactly happened - sometimes I wish I did, sometimes I wish I didn't. "Betrayed." I eventually said. "Annoyed, mostly at myself."

"Why?"

"Because I'd thought I'd found one of the most amazing people to spend my life with, someone trustworthy, someone I'd know I'd love for a long time, and I felt annoyed because I'd been wrong, and I'd misjudged her." My hands clenched into fists. "And Matt, well, I'd have trusted him with my life and now...now I don't know."

"Do you trust either of them to be around each other alone?" Dad questioned.

I thought for a while about that. At first I'd have said no, but then I remembered the look on both of their faces when they'd told me about what they'd done. They were so ashamed, and I knew they weren't foolish enough to do it again. "Yes."

"So, you still trust them both enough to put faith in them." Dad pointed out.

I nodded slowly. "I guess so."

"So, there's at least a glimmer of hope that things could go back to normal if you allowed it."

"But, what happens if I become one of those boyfriends that's suspicious of everything she does," I paused and took in a sharp breath as a sudden horror bestowed itself upon me, "what if I become her ex?" Against Avery's protests, I'd told Suzy and my Dad about Desmond, because I felt they should know about the past of the girlfriend I'd been living with for the past three years before the Revelation laws had changed, allowing us to get in contact with each other once again. McKenna didn't know, she'd been too young, and as far as I knew, she still had no idea. Maybe if she did, she wouldn't think of Avery in the way she did.

I stowed that thought away for a later date.

"Brian, don't be ridiculous." Dad said, shaking his head. "You don't have it in you to be someone like that. But, if you do find you can never trust her again the way you used to, then you'll have your answer on whether or not your relationship is too broken to be fixed."

I chewed on my lip and shrugged my shoulders in a half agreement.

"I guess so."

"Do you love her?" My Dad asked.

"Of course I do." I answered instantly. There was no question about it.

"Then I think you know the answer you're looking for." Dad said, standing up from the bed.

I remained silent and watched him as he left.