the adjustment theory

five

Nights have become more sleepless then the days. My body in a state of needing sleep yet when offered it can't take it. Every night was the same routine, I would wake up and slip out of bed. I would stare out the window and admire the glittering lights of the city that never sleeps. If I didn't wake up on my own Rory was the next cause of my lack of sleep. I didn't bother Niall who was sound asleep with the baby matters because most of the time I was up anyways.

I have found night restless because of Harry's absence. I lost sleep nightly because there was so much piling up in my mind that it seemed impossible to shut it down from the high activity. I have been in bed rest for three days now and even though I should be resting that is the last thing I am able to do.

Sliding down the window I lean half my body against the glass window, pulling my legs into my chest. I watch while the outside night life glimmers and brightens with cars traveling all over the city. All I can think about is where Harry is in this crazy city. Where did he end up? Was he the same person I knew?

"Amelia?" A groggy voice spoke in the darkness of the bedroom. The only light coming from the city skyscrapers and cars scattered about. "Why aren't you in bed?"

"I can't sleep." I told him turning my attention back to the city outside the window.

"Can I help?" Niall sat up fully rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Just a lot on my mind."

"Like what?" Niall engaged although I could tell he was exhausted from his long day of work. I didn't want to deprive him of sleep like I had been. I was depriving myself of sleep simply because my body wouldn't allow me to sleep.

"I'm just stressed out." I admitted with tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I was stressed about everything I was now going to have to re learn and as well as stressed about Harry.

I wanted Harry to be okay without me, if I couldn't have him I wanted him to be with someone who loves him unconditionally. He deserved the whole world but I was only able to give him a small part of it.

"Why don't you let me get up with Rory from now on? You need sleep and you aren't getting it so why don't you leave Rory to me for now." Niall slid out of bed and crouched down to my level where I sat with my legs hugging my chest.

"That's not why I'm stressed out. I just feel like I'm losing it because I can't sleep, even if I wanted to sleep I can't." I shook my head feeling like I was alone in all of this.

"You're just tired is all. As soon as you get a good nights rest you will be as good as new. You're exhausted and in need of a long sleep, let me handle Rory and you sleep, yeah?" Niall offered pulling me up onto my feet and embracing me into his bare chest. His skin against mine comforting me slightly even though it all felt wrong to me but, I needed a hug. I needed some sort of comfort and Niall was the one that was giving it to me and I gladly accepted it.

"Come back to bed." He took my hand bringing me back to lay beside him. Covering myself back up with the covers I turned away from him to keep my sight on the city outside. Sadness lurked in my heart thinking of all the possibilities Harry could have been faced with without me.

Letting a tear slid from my eye Niall's arm snaked around the top of me and pulled me into him. With my back touching his bare chest I laid in the bed next to him dreaming that this would all be over soon.

+

My eyes flutter open only to find that the night was still covering the sky with its stars. The moon shining dimly next to all the city lights outside. Moving off of the bed I looked back to see Niall sound asleep, cuddled around his pillow that bore head support to him.

Making my way to the kitchen I pulled down my pajama shorts that rode high up my thighs. Re adjusting my clothing from the interrupted sleep I ambled into the kitchen. Seeing the alcohol glasses set out on a silver tray I reached for the liquid, taking off the glass cap and pouring the Amber colored liquid into the Crystal glass.

Filling it up half way I sighed walking out to the balcony. Glass in hand the New York air chilled my skin from the temperature change. Not bothering to shut the sliding door behind me I watched the busy city bustle about while I took gulps of my alcohol. Another night had become sleepless just like all the others I have had since I was put into this world.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Startled by a voice right next to me I turned to see the blonde bob and brown eyes on the city.

"Not as beautiful as it would be with Harry." I confessed taking another drink from my glass. Leaning against the balcony I could feel the emotions disperse from inside me.

"You have a beautiful view from here, you can see everything." I could see the lights reflect in her eyes from the city.

"What happened that night?" I asked Astrid sensing the responsiveness my body was having to the alcohol.

"The night of the car accident?" Astrid replied took at my glass that I held in my right hand.

I nodded with another tear sliding down my cheek. I couldn't help but feel my emotions towards all of what had happened. I yearned to remember what once was since my memory had been wiped from any recollection.

"You were in an accident durning Hurricane Irene. The Hurricane devastated thousands of people down the east coast and even places like the Bahamas were affected. You passed out from your head hitting the window." Astrid opened up to what I needed to know about before everything changed.

"Is Harry okay?" My heart reaching out to the man that I loved with all of me. I couldn't imagine him hurt or injured from the devastating natural disaster.

"He was fine, he thinks about how it was all his fault you left. He wished that he would've tried to stop you." My heart further sinking into my chest hearing what Astrid heard in Harry's mind.

"It wasn't his fault! It was my fault for getting myself into all of this, he doesn't need to blame himself." My vision slightly blurring from the tears falling from my eyes. The worst part about it all was that I couldn't do anything about it, I was helpless in relieving Harry from his thoughts.

"Well it doesn't matter anyways now because Harry doesn't know who you are. This is your life now Amelia."

"I don't want it to be. I wish I could take it all back!" I swallowed more of my drink, letting the bitter drink graze my tongue.

"You never used to drink." Astrid commented on my drinking I was doing while we talked over my questions.

"I'm sad." I stated without an explanation needed. I never drank but found it appropriate at the time, I didn't want to remember any of this. I didn't want to feel the aching pain in my chest anymore. I didn't want to go another night sleepless with piling thoughts over life.

"You know you shouldn't be drinking with the baby and all." She took the drink from out of my hand and walked into the kitchen where I followed her.

"I can do what I want." I told her when she set down the drink on the counter in the dim light.

"You're right, you can but just remember you shouldn't always take advantage of that." She spoke before vanishing in a blink of an eye. The glass sitting on the counter with a few inches of content still inside.

A: Any thoughts or predictions? Thank you to all of you that read my stories! You don't understand how happy I get when I see someone has commented or voted for my chapters:)