the adjustment theory

ten

"I'm finding Harry and your going to help me." I more of told Astrid then asked her. I knew I wasn't the one that should be making demands but I couldn't hold off on Harry any longer.

"Harry is fine, you don't need to worry about him." Astrid sat on the couch while I paced in front of the coffee table that sat between me and Astrid who sat on the couch.

"But I do worry about him. I've done nothing but worry about him everyday since I changed everything." I shook my head hoping that I could bring my point across to the fake Astrid that sat across from me.

"Well all that worrying is going to waste because Harry is happy." Astrid tilted her head back looking at the ceiling obviously annoyed at my worrisome state.

"I can't find my peace of mind without knowing where he is and if he's happy and healthy. I have to know that he is being loved the way he deserves to be loved. I can't find my peace without knowing any of this." I pressed on knowing that Astrid knew exactly where and what Harry was doing. All she had to do was put me on the right path and I was willing to do the rest. I was asking for help yet she dodged me every time.

"Look babydoll," Astrid began going back to her eye contact with me. "Harry is happy and healthy. There's nothing more to that, you can't just go and intrude on his life when you have your own to figure out. You aren't in the right mind set to be seeing Harry."

"What are you hiding?" I speculated wondering why Astrid was being so difficult in telling me any details of Harry's new life. There had to be something she was hiding with all of her vague answers and dodging attitude.

"I'm not hiding anything! You need to face the fact that you need to let him go Amelia. He isn't yours anymore, you can't worry about him anymore. You have Niall and Rory to worry about now, and seeing Harry will only make things worse." Astrid shook her head at me, observing my stressed and frustrated behavior.

"How is seeing Harry going to make things worse?" I questioned wanting to know her logic behind the words she spoke.

I didn't see any warm in seeing Harry one last time. I craved to know what the love of my life was doing. I wanted to know who was loving him because I knew no matter who it was, they could never love him the way I could. No one knew him like I did, he was a solved puzzle in my mind. I knew where everything for in his life including me, I knew him like the back of my hand like I should.

"Amelia baby!" Astrid laughed as if it were an obvious answer. "We both know this won't be the last time you see Harry. If you see him once, you will want to keep seeing him. It only takes one time of being with him."

Stumped on what to say next I processed what Astrid was saying. I knew logistically it made since but then again I didn't want the logic. I wanted to be impulsive and uncaring of the consequences that could follow. I only had one goal in mind and once my mind was set, there was nothing anyone could do to stop me.

"It's time to forget and move on." Astrid stood up standing closer to me with a solemn face that was clearly readable.

"I don't know if I can do that. You don't just forget someone like him, you can't just forget everything we ever had." I shook my head while pushing hair away from my face. Feeling the sweat form across my forehead from the frustration and confusion on what my next move was I stood with eyes cast down.

"I know it will be long and hard but trust me, you are doing yourself a favor as well as Harry's in the long run." Astrid rubbed my shoulder doing what she could to comfort me, even though her actions reflected comfort her words said otherwise.

"No, I'm going to find him. I don't care if you won't help me. I will find him." I lifted my posture and walked away from her comfort seeking motions.

"You're making a big mistake." Astrid shook her head  knowing that no matter what angle she tried to argue at, I wasn't going to give up my cause.

"Then it will be my mistake, not yours." I walked out on her going immediately to the computer where I logged into my Facebook. If I could find Gemma all I had to do was ask for his address, I could tell her I was an old friend of Harry's.

"What would Niall think of you going to see a man from your past?" Astrid annoyingly say across from me in a chair that faced the desk I was typing on.

"Niall doesn't need to know. He has other things to worry about like work and Rory." I dismissed narrowing my eyes at the screen while I typed in Gemma Styles.

"You're forgetting one other person in that sentence and that's you. He is already worrying about your mental state." Astrid informed me even though I already somewhat knew the situation. I didn't know that Niall was worrying that much about me.

"Well if this is the way it's going to be from now on... Then after I see Harry I will give my full attention to Niall." I had hoped that this wasn't going to be how it would be for the rest of the time. I didn't want to know a life without Harry. I didn't like the life without him and I took that for granted, I couldn't see through my own selfish ways that blinded me.

"You say that but, will you really? Will you really give Niall what he deserves?" I stopped typing and scrolling through pages of people when I found the girl I was searching for.

"I found her!" I clicked on her profile seeing her life through the social media scope. Her life for the most part stayed the same, nothing really had changed from back then.

"And what are you going to tell her? Hey I'm your brothers wife that no one can remember because I time traveled from an alternate universe?" Astrid mocked my voice that was extremely exaggerated to say the least.

"As far as she knows, am an old friend of Harry's wanting to get in touch again." I already had my story mapped out to her while I began to message her over Facebook.

"You're going to be sorry." Astrid shook her head disappearing as soon as the front door was opened and an Irish accent made sounds of agreement on his phone.

Minimizing the window I stood up and strode out of the office. Meeting Niall in the kitchen he began to wrap up the conversation by saying he would talk about whatever they were discussing tomorrow. Putting his phone on the counter he then gave me his full attention.

"How's my girl?" He kissed the top of my forehead knowing that I had a habit of turning my head away from him when he came in contact with my lips.

"Fine, how was work?" I indulged feeling his hands work around my waist to draw me closer to him. Deciding on not running away from his closeness I rather laid my head on his chest letting him rock me back and forth.

"Fine, what's gotten into you? You haven't been so cuddly recently." Niall picked up on my slight changes in reaction to him.

"Do you not like it?" I pulled away thinking I had done the wrong thing by letting him hold me the way he did.

"No I loved it, I miss the way you let me hold you." His statement made me crumble inside. I was hurting him on the inside when I didn't kiss him or dodged him wanting to hold me. I hated knowing I was the source of a pain. "Where's Rory?"

"He's still asleep from this afternoon, it's 5:30 I should go wake him. If he sleeps too long I won't be getting sleep tonight." I shook my head closing my eyes and laying a hand on my forehead totally forgetting about the sleeping infant. About to go tend to Rory I was taken by the hand and turned back around.

"I'll take care of Rory, why don't you order delivery for pizza or something?" Niall suggested with a smile while I watched him disappear down the hall of our bedroom and the nursery.

He deserved more from me yet I could give him all of me. I was stuck in Harry's grasp even though he no longer knew he had my heart in his hands. My world was in his hands and he didn't even know my first name.

A/ What do you think Astrid is hiding from Amelia? Any ideas or theories?! Also a pic of Amelia and Astrid above! If you enjoyed please give me a vote and let me know your thoughts in the comments!