When Two Worlds Collide [boyxboy]

Ch. 14: Exposure and Acceptance

*Derek's P.O.V.*

*8:35am*

I stand looking out the window for James' ride, occasionally looking over my shoulder to make sure my dad is still passed out on the couch after last night's rage.

This time it wasn't as bad as previous ones. He only broke a lamp and swore a lot. Nothing new. I probably shouldve told James that my dad is a major alcoholic... I'll probably tell him tonight, if an opportune moment presents itself.

I doubt James will be mad at me for not telling him... He makes me feel cared about an understood, like I actually matter to someone other than my Aunt. It's kind of comforting...

I'm wearing my best skinny jeans, a basic black shirt with long sleeves, and my graphic sweater that I reserve for special occasions. This definately qualifies.

I see James' ride pull in. I gently open the door and close it behind me, running over to greet him. He waves goodbye to his mom, then turns around and gives me the chills with his beautiful eyes. I smile at the thought that I get to see those eyes all day and all night.

"Hey dude! You seem, err.... Grin Mode-ish? ... Wait, did I forget to comb my bedhead?!?" James inquires, frantically combing down his hair with his hands. How silly...

"What, so I can't just be happy to see my only friend?" I pout jokingly. He freezes in place, looking up at me.

"Riiiiiiight... I knew that!" he proclaims, then dusts himself off awkwardly. I just laugh. Then I remember my dad, and realize I had better warn James so that him and I don't wake up dad.

"Hey, my dad's taking a nap, so be quiet until we're downstairs, k?" I ask, not mentioning that dad's "nap" is really an alcohol induced hangover that has him exausted beyond the point of staying awake.

"Sure thing, thanks for the heads up... So what's first on our agenda? We have all day, right?" James says, lowering his voice to a whisper as we enter the house at the last part. I wait until we get downstairs to respond.

"Well, what do you like to do? Video games? Oh, how about youtubing? Or maybe a board game?" I say, getting unusually hyper. Where is the depressed me that I'm so accustomed to? Does James really have that much of an effect on me?

"I was actually wanting to go swimming. The only thing I'm confused by is the small detail that... It's January and it's freaking cold out there!" James exclaims. Oh yeah, I didn't tell him about the indoor pool...

"Well of course it's freezing outside! Who said anything about the pool being outside, silly?" I counter. His eyes widen, confirming my assumptions that he didn't know about my grandparents fortune.

My grandparents have both died, but they made me a beneficiary in their will, and since they were filthy rich, I get $500 dollars from their bank a month. Since I'm their only grandchild, and my mom was an only child, they don't have any other relatives to give to. So they gave us this grand house to live in, and they still have about 1 million dollars in their account for me before it dries up. Yup, I was serious when I said they're filthy rich.

"Well then let's go! Where's your bathroom? I'll change in there, k?" James says, bringing my thoughts back to now. I point down the hall and smile at his giddyness. The instant he's out of sight, however, I start nervously drumming my fingers on the nearest object, which happens to be the stair rail.

What if he wants me to get in? No one knows I cut, not even my Aunt. I can't let him see that, he'd think so poorly of me that he'd be out of the house in the blink of an eye. I quickly think up an excuse, just as a precaution.

"Guess who!" I hear as my vision goes black and I feel warm breath on my neck.

"Ummmmmmm Santa?" I jest, chuckling.

"Nope! It's James!" he says, then pokes me in the ribs and runs toward the end of the hall.

"Hurry up!" He yells, as he runs out the door into the pool area. I silently follow him in. I can't help but angle my head so that he can't see my blush from behind my hair as he strips out of his shirt. In addition, this way he can't tell that I'm peeking through and gawking at his abs. Damnnn they look good... I'd better stop or I'm screwed.

*SPLASH*

He jumps in, submerging his head, then resurfaces and shakes his hair out. He looks up at me with an inquisitive expression. I know what's going to happen next...

"Arent you going to get in? The water's great!" he asks, giving me a puppy dog face. I struggle for a second with the face, but it doesn't take long for me to remember my scars and decompose myself.

"Nah, I'm good..." I say, shrugging. I can only hope he doesn't persist.

"Awwws come on! I won't splash... Much..." he jokes, winking at me. Damn. So much for hoping. Something flips inside of me.

"Its not that! Shit, just let me be and enjoy your swim!" I hiss. The hurt look he gives me in response kills a bit of my heart...

"I... I... I'd better go..." I say, running back into the basement and towards my bed as I feel the tears forming in my eyes.

I flop onto my bed, burying my face in my pillow and letting out everything I'vd been holding in. I cry for what feels like an hour before I feel the bed sink to the right of me. Fuck. I had never wanted him to see me like this...

"It's alright... Crying is always a good way to relieve stress." I hear James whisper soothingly. He touches my shoulder, causing me to flinch. Even though it isn't directly touching my skin, I'm still not used to contact with another human being, out of fear of someone discovering my scars. He backs his hand away, to my relief.

"Do you mind if I ask why you don't want to swim if you have a huge indoor pool? Is it because you don't want to feel awkward swimming with a straight guy?" he says gently, but pauses after the last part.

"... Sorry, that was uncalled for. I shouldn't be assuming stuff like that. I didn't mean..." he says, trailing off. Awww, he's so cute when he's nervous... Wait, bad Derek. That's the kind of thinking that causes issues.

"No, it's alright. It isn't that, anyways. It just..." I sniffle, afraid to tell him the truth.

" Well? It's just what?" He persists. I sigh. I guess it's time for "secret sharing..."

"I should probably show you instead. It'll get the shock factor over with that much quicker, so that you can run away from the freak sooner..." I mumble, unzipping my sweatshirt. I notice his puzzled look, then steel my courage and grab the bottom of my shirt.

I hear him gasp as I lay my shirt down on the bed, exposing my cuts and scars, caused by years of depression, to someone besides my reflection for the first time in my life.

"You... Cut?" he says after a second that feels drawn out over a lifetime in length. I sniffle, bowing my head in shame.

"Well, ummmm... This is unexpected..." James says, apparently at a loss for anything better to say. Dammit... I've officially weirded him out.

"Hey, it's not like it changes anything between us, right? I mean sure, I get queasy at the sight of blood, and it makes me sad knowing that this is how you cope with stuff but..." he stops abruptly.

"Whst is this?" he asks, and I look up to see him pointing to... I gulp. He noticed the special cut...

" It's the cut I made when I first realized I like guys. It's a heart with my initials carved into one side. The other side I'm keeping blank until I find my soul mate. Then his initials will go there." I explain, glancing up nervously at him after I'm done. His beautiful smile is still gone, and he looks genuinely concerned.

"Oh... Okay... Well, now that we're all cleared up, do you want to go for a swim with me?" he asks after another minute. I look up in shock. He still wants to hang out with me, and of all things, he wants to do something involving him having to look at my scars?!?

"ummmmm... Sure?" I say, sounding alomst as dazed as I feel. This guy really is amazing... Too bad... I can't... Be his...

Nonetheless, I'm grateful. He gave the phrase "When two worlds collide" a whole new meaning.