I Am Me (BTS's Taehyung) [Complete]

I Am Me

| Chapter 10 | So Close | Taehyung's point of view |

It wasn't much until I quickly jumped on her and hugged her tightly. A gigantic weight has fluttered off my shoulders and my smile grew so much. I let go of her and continued to smile earning a blush and smile from her.

"Thank you so much Hana," I told her. "I'm glad you don't hate me for telling you all that."

"You are my friend Taehyung," She said. My cheeks flared up and she took a notice, sending a odd yet sweet smile with a light blush across her cheeks. We sat their for a while not knowing what to do and it started to get hot just sitting there and looking at her wonderful face. How could it be that she can be so amazing yet the first day I met her I coldly talked to her? Well, she did bump into me, and I wasn't all that interested in her like I am now. I was expecting love at first sights, that's probably it.

As my mind flew through space I felt the car turn on and I quickly turned my attention to Hana who was blushing even more with shaky hands behind the wheel.

"I forgot we were suppose to get the stuff from your house," She stated nervously. I smile at her sudden cuteness and lay back into my seat as she drove off to my house.

The car ride there was breathtaking for me. I got to stare secretly at Hana as she drove around corners and into streets. She seemed so focused yet it seems she was thinking at the same time and I bit my lip a bit unknowingly. We finally made it to my house, even then I still couldn't stop biting my lip. I turned around and as soon as she stopped the car and turned it off, I dashed out closing the door behind me.

"Taehyung?" She questioned me, trying to look at me from the other side of the car. I stopped myself from biting my lip then I looked over to Hana who wore a face of concern.

"Sorry," I apologized. I didn't give any further explanation as proceed towards my house. I opened the door to the house and as soon as I was taking steps inside, Hana grabbed my hand and I quickly turned to look at her and pulled my hand away from her. She looked startled. My actions must of scared her and I quickly think of something. I didn't want to ruin our friendship for reals this time.

"I'm sorry, you scared," I told her.

"I-it's okay," She responded. Even if I reassured her that I was fine and it's okay, she looked terrified at me. Did I really scare her that much? I did kind of pulled away in an alarming way but I didn't try to hurt her or anything.

It got kind of awkward so I went behind Hana, placing my hand on her lower back to push her towards the kitchen. I really have no idea why I did so but I smiled at her as she looked at me with those terrified eyes of hers. I started to feel even worse from the looks she gave me. She has become afraid of me.

"I'll get the big pots and you can take the bags," I told her. She nodded as she looked at the bags filled with food and materials. She took them with her and left outside to place them in the car. When she was out of sight, I threw my face into my hands. It started to happen again. This feeling that I hate the most.

This, I wasn't able to tolerate when I was young and even now. I hate it how much it feels to be hurt like this.

"Taehyung," I hear a voice in the doorway. I look up at Hana with my eyes beginning to water a bit, my face expression, not caring anymore. I just felt horrible and why? I don't like mentioning it at all honestly, I won't let Hana know because....

All those memories will return and I'm not letting that happen.

Those tears will fall and it will be because I'm letting those memories fall on to the ground to be stomped on. I can barely handle my own self, my dad's comparisons, the shadow I fall behind, all those years before that. I'm not letting this affect me, no matter if I have to cry and break things.

My tears seem to have falling, and all I saw was a blurry image of Hana. I wasn't able to see her expression at all, but I did feel a hand at my cheek. I started to blink. Once. Twice. And I was finally able to see her. She was so worried and that same guilt ran through me. I started to cry even more just looking at her. She hugged me and I hugged back, feelings her hands curl up in to my sweater as I tighten myself around her. I let the tears run for such a long time. I lost track of the time and I finally felt her hands loosen and she moved back as I let go. I didn't look at her. She didn't have to as she asked me:

"What happen?" I looked at her with my teary eyes but I couldn't speak. I was struck by her and my past. It seem so easy right when she asked but I couldn't say anything. Just like before, she extended her hand to my face, placing it gently on my cheek. I close my eyes from the soft tough, sighing as I was finally able to think straight. I couldn't move but I opened my eyes and saw Hana's beautiful eyes, and I unconsciously started to lean forward. She stayed there froze and she looked pretty surprised.

Her reaction made me smile mentally and I was so close to those plump lips of her but I was stopped by a open of a door. I quickly looked up only to see BTS at the entrance. I try wiping my remaining tears as Hana slowly goes back to pick up the things from the counter. I join her quietly, picking up the heaviest pot and a few bags.

We both exit the kitchen and as on cue, the group turns to look at us with smiles plastered on their faces. They looked like they were wondering or at least suspecting something happened because they looked over at Hana as she left to the car. They looked over at me with smirks and I rolled my eyes at their suspicions.

"What did you guys do?~" Jimin asked, cooing to get me annoyed.

"Nothing," I answered. I sniffed a bit by accident and Suga seem to notice when I looked over at him. The others walked out when I told them to take the things I had in my hands, telling them that I'll get the rest of the bags from the kitchen. Suga was the only one to stay behind with me and he stared blankly at me. I didn't say anything. I stared at my feet a bit worried that he'll lecture me, and It's not like he doesn't know what happen a long time ago. I told him. He was the only one I can trust with a secret.

"Did you tell her?" I hear Suga ask. I looked up at my Hyung and shake my head lightly.

"I didn't have to say anything and I just started crying," I said. "I felt that same guilt from a long time ago and the pain I didn't want to feel."

"Tae, you need to let it go." He was stern with his statement and his frown only implicated what he was trying to say. I nodded to him and he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"I know..." He began, looking down as he talked to me, feeling his body more pressed against mine as if he was trying to protect me of something. "I know you want to let go but you're still holding on. You're just being stupid if you let it take over you." I nodded again.

"I will try my best Hyung," I told him with a sincere smile. He grinned, patting my back.

"You better, or else I'll tell the rest of the guys about this." I chuckled at his threat and he continued to grin softly. I was hoping he was lying about that, but Yoogni-Hyung is pretty serious about these kinds of things. He might end up telling Hana.

I'm just hoping I can keep all that a secret from everyone. No one needs to know that...

I was bullied, humiliated and used by my first girlfriend. And kept the guilty of using girl after girl and the fault for trying to be someone that I'm not.

And that's not even the worse part....