daily dose of reality.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013. 7:23 AM.

Normally, I would be caught up on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr at this time of day. But, no.

Instead, I'm crying over you again, Nathan. I don't know why I still bother to write these, it's not like you would ever read them or if anyone gives a damn. Releasing my emotions like this hurts me more for some reason.

I keep thinking back about last year. Just basically all the little memories. I don't know why it's taking so long for me to heal from. . . all this bullshit. I've dealt with "heart-ache" before. Many, many times. But, it's been three weeks. I'm no where near being 'fine.' Not one bit.

I'm always the type of person to get over a guy so fast. It could be one week, 2 days, or even 3 hours. Only in this case, it's been 3 weeks and the pain I felt on July 07, when you left me, it's the same.

But now that I'm analyzing it, I never got over you for a year. Seriously. I dated, let's see, 3 or 4 guys, had crushes on like 10, but nope. Always lead back to you. My thoughts always come back to you.

I feel sorry for myself. What's so good about you?

I know. The way you're sometimes an asshole. How you always use to text me. Those perverted jokes you try on me. How you always tell me you loved me. Your compliments. How you're so protective and always the jealous type.

I see. I know how I fell for you.

But those can also be turned into negative things. I just choose to ignore that, I only thing of you as a positive thing. Until now.

How long do I have to suffer? You know, it would be great if you just randomly texted me or messaged me, "Hey Junel. I fucking hate you. Bye." You would save me all the drama, trust me. I could probably get over you within three days.

But you couldn't even answer my question when I asked you, "Do you even want me to keep trying?"

Don't worry. I stopped. I just need to dictate my heart to stop, as well.