daily dose of reality.

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013.

Dear Diary,

Wow, that was a total cliche introduction, but anyways, yeah. It's my first day starting with this diary shit and honestly, it wasn't even my idea. It was my mom's. I know, it always the mom's fault. So, I guess I should introduce my self, yeah? 13 years old, 7th grade. Basic teenager, right? Yeah. My hobbies? Tumblr, Instagram, anything mainly involved in social medias. I sing every second of the day, I listen to many genres of music. My taste usually varies. I like to write stories, draw, I'm quite creative, if I must say so myself. Anyways, the reason for why I started this whole "diary" thing is because of my addiction. Addiction to self-harm. I've been clean for almost 3 months, and I think that's the longest I've gone since I started in 5th grade. Well, actually, the end of 4th grade. My mom, out of the blue, noticed how many scars I had. She knew I cut myself, but now, she was interested. So, my story: I cut because. . . it releases my pain, usually. Most of the time, the reasons behind it are ones people won't ever understand, I keep a lot of them to myself. I talk to a few friends about it, but they don't actually help. No offense to them. Lately, I've been happier, so that's a good thing. But, my mom just kept nagging me on why I cut because I won't open up. I mean, who could when it's your mom you're talking to? In her perspective, I was too lonely and I needed friends. It's true, to be honest. School isn't enough. I can't interact with others outside of school. I'm trapped inside my home, constantly. So, that's why I started this. On wattpad. I made it public because sometimes, I just want people to know about me. Not that I'm begging for attention, I just want you people to know.  Since I spend a majority of my time writing fanfics and stories, I figured this would be a good way to keep up with a diary. It's just like a story, too. 

So, enough of that drama. What happened today? Not much. But, there's this one girl who makes me extremely happy. She's like my sunshine. She's absolutely perfect and I adore her. I'm not saying that I'm bisexual, but I do have feelings for this girl. What's her name? Can't tell you. Let's just say it's starts with a "G." This is how it all started: We became friends last year. I dunno what it was, but we just clicked. Even though we didn't talk in school much, we were still pretty good friends. We talked out of school a lot, actually. When my life started to fall apart slowly, she comforted me, even though she was the least to know what was going on in my life. And I did the same for her. She's always so bubbly and her smile is just so gorgeous. And I don't know, I just love her hugs so much. I talked to a few of my trusted friends about it. I asked how they would feel if I did actually turn out to be bisexual, and they supported me. Honestly, I can't get any better friends than them right now. That's pretty much all that's going on right now. Oh yeah. More about her. I had a little crush on her last year, but I thought it was really awkward. And unfortunately, we sorta drifted apart, too. She met new people, I hung out with more and more people, and it was total bullshit for me. But, now, we talk almost daily and I'm uber happy about that. The other night, we confessed a lot of things to each other. Turns out she had a crush on me, too. I HAD FREAKING BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH, MAN. SO, there's that. And now, my life is getting better slowly and slowly. i find myself to be at the most happiest now rather than before. To be completely honest, I'm much better off without guys. Aaaaaand, "G" makes me so much more . . . ecstatic.