Maybe I'm just at the point where I would rather cry my heart out everyday and torture myself instead of letting go. I know, I even convinced myself that this whole game is over, I need to get over you as soon as possible. But, I can't. I don't know why. I managed to stand nine months without you, but now, I can't manage three weeks. My insides are slowly deteriorating, and I can't stop that. Everyday, I feel a burning sensation, and it's unexplainable. I just miss you. That's all there is to it. Why did you leave? Why did you stop loving me? Where did I go terribly wrong? These are questions I ask myself everyday. And I know I'll never get an answer. I thought I was only emotionally damaged, I could have lived through that. But now, my insomnia is worse. I suffer everyday with fatigue, I get headaches that don't go away for hours when I think about you too much, and most of all, my body is just weak. What scares me is that my parents are noticing that I'm in distress, but I can't open up to them. I mean, what can I say?
"Mom? Dad? I fell in love with a guy named Nathan, and then he broke my heart. I'm dying inside. Help me."
No. I can't run to anyone. Everyone is so far away from me. No one can reach me. I explain my feelings through people through my phone. But when I do that with you, it's different. It's more sentimental.
Nathan. Why? Just why? I know I'm not the only one suffering with this kind of heartache. I have a friend who hasn't contacted her guy for a month, but at least she's not ready to collapse.
It's as if I dedicated my whole existence to you. No. That's wrong.
When I said, "Stop making me so flustered. What are you doing to me?" . . . You answered that question with a joke.
I ask myself that question today and I have only one answer. And I've been fucking repeating this answer since Day 01 of this bullshit.
You've broken me.
YOU ARE READING
daily dose of reality.
Non-Fictioni always thought life wasn't hard. i never knew this was what life had in store for me. sometimes, it's just hard.
