Maybe I'm just at the point where I would rather cry my heart out everyday and torture myself instead of letting go. I know, I even convinced myself that this whole game is over, I need to get over you as soon as possible. But, I can't. I don't know why. I managed to stand nine months without you, but now, I can't manage three weeks. My insides are slowly deteriorating, and I can't stop that. Everyday, I feel a burning sensation, and it's unexplainable. I just miss you. That's all there is to it. Why did you leave? Why did you stop loving me? Where did I go terribly wrong? These are questions I ask myself everyday. And I know I'll never get an answer. I thought I was only emotionally damaged, I could have lived through that. But now, my insomnia is worse. I suffer everyday with fatigue, I get headaches that don't go away for hours when I think about you too much, and most of all, my body is just weak. What scares me is that my parents are noticing that I'm in distress, but I can't open up to them. I mean, what can I say?
"Mom? Dad? I fell in love with a guy named Nathan, and then he broke my heart. I'm dying inside. Help me."
No. I can't run to anyone. Everyone is so far away from me. No one can reach me. I explain my feelings through people through my phone. But when I do that with you, it's different. It's more sentimental.
Nathan. Why? Just why? I know I'm not the only one suffering with this kind of heartache. I have a friend who hasn't contacted her guy for a month, but at least she's not ready to collapse.
It's as if I dedicated my whole existence to you. No. That's wrong.
When I said, "Stop making me so flustered. What are you doing to me?" . . . You answered that question with a joke.
I ask myself that question today and I have only one answer. And I've been fucking repeating this answer since Day 01 of this bullshit.
You've broken me.
YOU ARE READING
daily dose of reality.
Não Ficçãoi always thought life wasn't hard. i never knew this was what life had in store for me. sometimes, it's just hard.
