daily dose of reality.

Tuesday, April 16th, 2013.

So, the topic of today's entry? My ex-crush. 

You see, he shall not be named (cliche, i get it), but yeah. I was young and naive when I had feelings for this one person. It was major crush. Actually, scratch that, I was in love with him forever. I don't even know what I saw in him, he wasn't the best one out there, but I saw him differently than how others saw him. To others, he was a joker, a player, etc. And I knew that as well. But, I was too blind to acknowledge that. I saw his other side: kind, charming, bright, amazing, funny. And everything was perfect. He asked me to be his Valentine and I declined. Why? I was scared of the outcome. Just when I thought he was "perfect", he changed into something else: a jerk. You don't know how hurt I was. He hurt me. Emotionally. And at that point, I was pretty unstable. But, it's the past and I keep that in the back of my mind now.

The question is: What if you still like him, you're just to scared to admit it? What if he likes you too, but you don't accept it? Just what if?

But, let's get to the climax. What do you do when someone you used to be in love with. . . asks you out? Not to be your girlfriend or anything, but just on a "date." What would you do? 

What if it's not supposed to mean anything? But, what if it is? Hmm.

Your old crush asks you to get boba with him after school. Alone. Just you and him. What's your reaction?

You know what, I would love to say yes, I just can't. Not only because of parents, but also because what if I get hurt? What if I get lead on and get torn apart again? The endless possibilities of results are something to think about. 

To Him:

You've always been a dick to me. But, because I was stupid, I chose to blur that out. And I've treated you so well for the longest time. Since the day we met. When you're sick, I would remind you to drink medicine and all that crap. When you're pissed at your friends, who cools you down and makes you happier? Me. When you like a girl, who listens to all your "I love her" shit? Me. And all of a sudden, you turn the other cheek and become into. . . this? Why? Is it a game, or what the fuck is this? Deep down, I know I have SOME feelings, I just choose to forget because of what happened between before. I was there for you, then you dated my bestfriend. Haha, I totally did not feel like shit. And now, all of a sudden, you became closer to me? You're "nicer" to me. You notice me more. You talk to me more. Why? The fuck. You asked me out. Why? 

But, I don't even care anymore. I just want you to know, you're always gonna be one of my favorites. . .

Charles.