Connor's Tale - A Jonnor story

Chapter 15 - Spin the Bottle

AT THE BEACH

"Um, okay" Taylor finally said trying to break the silence that was growing between Connor and Daria. "I'm a bit confused. Were you and Jude "together" together when you got shot?" Taylor asked carefully.

Connor leaned forward and sighed. "It's complicated" he finally responded. He heard Daria's huff in reaction but decided it was better to pretend he hadn't. "We...we hadn't 'said' anything yet. I hadn't even told him I was gay at that point...I hadn't really admitted it to myself honestly, so while I could argue that we were not together yet, that it isn't exactly true either. If my dad hadn't reacted the way he did, we probably would have been. If I had stood up for myself sooner, we would have been. I wanted to be with Jude and I would have said or done anything for that to happen."

"Including lying" Daria said clearly unhappy.

Connor looked up at her and nodded. "Yes. I was willing to lie to you so I could still be with Jude even if we were only something in between friends and boyfriends" Connor admitted. "I didn't want to hurt anyone but I ended up hurting everyone" he said sadly.

Daria frowned as she thought that through. Obviously she was hurt by what Connor had done and if Jude had feelings for him, seeing him with Daria would have hurt him too. She looked back at the blonde boy in front on him and realized how much he too had been hurt by his choices. Not just the gunshot wound, but the toll on his own identity. Her uncle had told her about how hard it had been for him growing up gay and he had a very loving and supportive family. Daria realized how much harder it would be when your family didn't accept you.

Taylor coughed slightly breaking the tension again. "So since Jude was really hurt by everything...so how did you fix it?" she asked trying to prod Connor back into talking. He looked at her for a moment before smiling slightly and continuing.

STEVENS HOUSE – FRIDAY NIGHT

Connor had come home after school to an empty house with a feeling of relief. Things had been getting worse between his parents lately. In the past his mom had usually avoided arguing with his dad, just going along with whatever he wanted to do and when she didn't want to be involved he would say she wasn't feeling good. Connor had picked up on the fact that her 'headaches' almost always seemed to happen after his dad had said or done something that had made her mad.

Connor went up to his room and flopped down on his bed with a huge sigh. He had totally screwed things up with Jude but he didn't know what he should have done differently. Connor hated lying and he seemed to be doing it more and more often lately. But when Jude had asked him why he couldn't come over he didn't want to lie to him. He told him hoping Jude would understand and that after his dad calmed down then things would go back to normal but then he asked that question.

Connor wasn't prepared when Jude asked him if it would have mattered to Connor if Jude really was gay. However, now that he thought about it, he realized that he should have expected it. Jude had two moms and he wanted to know if Connor was like his dad in what he thought about gay people. If Jude had just asked about them, Connor wouldn't have been caught off-guard and shut down.

Connor knew Jude wasn't like other kids their age so he shouldn't have been surprised when he asked what he did, but when he did...Connor froze. He suddenly wondered if Jude might really be gay, an idea that had been popping up in his thoughts ever since his dad had mentioned it, and the thought of it being actually true didn't upset Connor, but it did make him feel...strange.

Connor woke up later and headed downstairs to look for some food. He had slept about an hour and he played some video games until 7pm when he realized that was hungry. He wondered why his mom or dad hadn't come to tell him to come down for dinner. Walking in to the empty kitchen he paused wondering where they were.