The Accidental Rapists: The Entire Story

Lacey's Day

Lacey's POV)

I was having the best dream in my life. I was a cyborg, and in all of my robotic awesomeness, mutant bunnies were trying to take over Earth. Now, no problem for a cyborg like me, I had a gun on my arm which I had used to blow the little mutant bunnies to pieces. I was in the oval office, which the bunnies had taken over, meeting the overlord of all bunnies, (Insert name of overlord bunny). I knew one thing, I was about to end this bloody war between cyborgs and mutant bunnies when-Splat. Lauren's goddamn cat jumped on my chest, forcing me to awake.

"Get off me you, hairball," I yelled at the cat. I then threw the goddamn cat off of me and the cat scurried out of the room.

"Yeah, that's right. Run away like the little bitch you are," I muttered underneath my breath.

Wait, is that the car running? Fuck. They're fucking leaving me aren't they. Goddamnit. Where are they going? And more importantly, where are they going without me? I hear a small meow come from behind me.

"What do you want, you stupid cat?" I yell at it. God, I must be going crazy. Why am I now talking to a cat?

"I'm hungry." I hear from behind me. Wait, what. No. That can't be. I'm here alone. At least I think I am. I slowly turn around and see there's nobody there but the cat.

"I must be going crazy." I think to myself.

"Did you hear me, or did I stutter?" I hear the voice again, only this time I know for sure it's the cat.

"You're a cat..." I whisper.

"Sigh. All you humans are the same."

"What do you mean?" I ask a little insulted.

"I just had a conversation with Lauren when she picked me up the other day."

"Lauren know you can talk and didn't say anything?"

"I guess not. But anyway, back to what I originally said... I am hungry. The imbecile you call Lauren did not feed me yet today. I need some food."

"Uum... Okay, well what does Lauren normally feed you?"

"Food. Duh."

"Well I assumes that much, but what kind of food?"

"I don't know. Figure it out."

"Well that's helpful." I think to myself. I go into the kitchen and look around in the cabinets.

Hmm. I see some Campbell's chicken noodle soup, some doritos, and crackers. What do cats even eat? Cat food I'd assume. But we don't have any of that. So let's go with Doritos.

"Come here you cat." I yell out. "Get some food."

"Meow, meow, meow. Do I look like a cat to you?"

"Is this a rhetorical question? Because if I'm going to be honest, yes you do."

"You imbecile." The cat muttered under its breath. It doesn't look pleased with the food placed at its feet but regardless it reluctantly picks one of the chips up off the ground with its tongue. Slowly it chews the chop up until its gone and when it is the cat picks up another and another. It starts eating faster and faster until it nearly chokes itself and until the floor is completely clean. After it does all this it then starts to purr.

"What is that?" The cat yells out.

"Umm Doritos?"

"They are amazing. I thought I knew stuff that was sinfully good, but boy I didn't until I tasted these. But now, my throat is dry. I need something to drink."