Natalie's Journey: Saving Daniel (on hold until...)

Chapter 3: Always With Me

                                           Deuteronomy 31:8  

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Chapter 3:

"Yeah and when the remix began to play and the crowds began to grind up on each other. It was hilarious." Sash laughs as she speaks to one of her other friends, Lee, about how amazing Recess was.

I am listening to what they are discussing but I am not really listening at all. Do you what I mean? You're hearing their words but you're not making any sense of it. It's moments like these where I just feel completely out of place because I have nothing to contribute towards their conversation nor do I want to. This doesn't mean that I am ungrateful for Lee being there. Quite the opposite in fact. I rejoice in the fact that Lee is here because she was breaking the thick tension that has begun to consume Sash and mine's friendship. I just feel like I am losing Sasha but maybe it me that she's losing.

"Don't mind Nat. She tends to zone out." I hear my name being said by Sasha. It's then that I realize that Lee was asking me a question and Sash had been explaining to her that I don't always listen.

"I see so." Lee smiles at me. "I asked if you too had fun at Recess on Friday night?" 

Now don't get me wrong I am aware that Lee was trying to involve me in their talk so as not to be rude but I'd rather not be added to their discussion. I shake my head, "I didn't go." I simply answer.

She cocks her head to the side in disbelief, "Oh?"

Sasha rolls her eyes at this and speaks for me,"My friend here is now a born again christian or what ever you want to call it and one of their rules is that they aren't allowed to have fun."

I shake my head disapprovingly at Sasha and her false claims. She was so naive. I turn to Lee who is giving me an odd expression so I go on further to elaborate, "I didn't go because I didn't want to, not because I am not allowed to. No where in the Bible does it say that I am forbidden from fun. I just don't find partying fun is all, not anymore anyways."

Lee raises an eyebrow in confusion, "I see. You're one of 'those' people, aren't you?"

I can't help the chuckle that escapes me at her lack of forwardness, "If you mean the child of God type then yeah I am one of 'those' people." I agree.

Lee nods but I some how doubt that she is nodding in approval at my words. Sasha sees this and obviously feels that it's her time to intervene, "Lee don't be fooled by Nat's boring exterior. Deep down inside she has a fun interior side to her. That part of her is just in hibernation for the winter."

I give a sideways glance to Sasha feeling hurt that she felt ashamed of me. She felt the need to cover for me and make me seem less boring. She'd never done that before. She usually accepted me for who I was but lately it feels as if she's embarrassed to be seen with me or she feels the need to make up excuses for my beliefs.

Sasha gives me an apologetic stare in return, begging me to just 'go with it' but that's something I can't accept. Why should I hide who I am just because she couldn't stand to be around the changed me? I stand up and push my chair in, "I better go catch up on my homework seeing as I am so boring and everything." I glance to Sasha as I finish my sentence only for her to roll her eyes at my childish behaviour.

Maybe I was being childish but I can't help it. Her being ashamed of me and my choices hurts more than I ever thought possible. I march out the school cafeteria and into the library having being irritated and not wanting to take it out on anyone. The library was almost always empty during break times. I walked in and went straight to the front desk to book a slip. I was surprised to be met with the same brown eyes that I had met earlier.