Hungry

Suicidal Thoughts

I always think of suicide of a possible get away but then i realise ill never experience thin and id be letting down Alexandra, a close friend, we'd been together at one point but decided that it'd be better off as friends seeing as we didn't hold to much of each others attention after a few months of dating. But were still close, she knows about my dad and always is laughing saying "one of these days ill grow some balls and ill kick his ass." well both laugh and look away thinking back to the time of when he'd even used her as a target.

~flashback~

It was the first time Id experienced him doing anything to her, after id seen if she confessed to other times as well. I walked in and heard Alex screaming i ran into my dads room, which seemed to be the source, and busted in distracting my so called "father" and letting Alex get a quick shot at freedom, she ran to my side. He screamed in anger at letting her get away but not towards her, or himself, but towards me. I was his new target and he started coming straight for me i quickly looked at her and told her to run as far and fast as she could, she stopped a moment for me to come to but he already had me in his grasp. She did as i said and ran, i could tell it cause her pain but she had to do it. He had thrown my into a wall farthest from the door, i was stunned for a moment cause id taken a hard blow to the head. The hesitation was enough for him to come over and pick me up by my black hoodie, which now had blood all over it, he slammed me back down hard into the ground and slapped me as hard as he could across my face.

I could feel the blood all over me but my pain, my whole body, was numbing it would be only a few minutes longer until i didn't feel anything and blacked out. But i was still getting really beat up i tried to get up to run but he got even more infuriated, i then got dragged into the living room. Which had surprised me a lot since their were more windows and escape options. It was now pouring outside, but the fact hadn't mattered, i was now being repeatedly punched in the stomach coughing up blood as he laughed and told me how weak i had been for crying and bleeding. I wanted to argue back but i knew very well it wasn't a smart idea. I thought i was going to die then, in fact, i knew it. It was coming, i thought the sooner the better it would be less painful afterwards.

 Suddenly he was distracted by something, i didn't know what, but then i realised as i stood up and looked out the window that the cops had shown up. Apparently Alex was trying to save me, since the neighbors were used to the screams and didn't care since they had their own problems to deal with i decided it was Alex after all. He looked at me, suddenly realising id been standing up, and kicked me with brutal force in the leg so i would fall he laughed hard and said i needed to get back up and pretend i fell and just got home.

I did as he commanded and explained to the police that nothing had happened, i was just clumsy and breakable. they believed me eventually and left. I glanced over my shoulder at Randy, my 'father', and ran outside quickly and kept running. He screamed out the door telling me he'd find me and that there was no where i could go, laughing. He was right. Id come back 2 days later and gotten another brutal punishment.

~flashback over~

It was like yesterday, but it had been last year while me and Alex were together. She had come to see me, but i wasn't home, instead it was a drunken Randy. I still felt horrible about the multiple attacks he'd put her through. She didn't deserve it, he was my father and he should've taken it out on me. Id protected her that day and a few more afterwards, she eventually stopped coming over and then we seen each other less and less and she got interested in someone else, so we split and stayed best friends. Suicidal thoughts surrond me all the time, plotting my death and remembering to wait...