Hungry

Getting Away

"Lost, Found, Broken, Fixed, Sane, Insane, these things with different meanings that haunt me daily. Though i know i will never be found, ill never be fixed, never sane. I know i will be alone forever, and that as soon as Randy gets home I'm in for a punishment. I know i will be bleeding and broken on the ground, ill be alone as always, and ill be in pain. But there is no difference to any other day, today is like yesterday and tomorrow will bring the same consequence. The only thing good about today was Blake and i don't even want to think about it."

The words i wrote into my journal at home in my room curled in a ball in the corner of my bed. I was listening to Black Veil Brides on an old Ipod Alex gave me when we were together, and was  now content on Children Surrender. I held my razor in my hand carefully turning it side to side a moment before bringing it once again to my arm scathed, scratched, and cut, and let it do some healing in my thoughts. Feeling the blood rush out and relief rush into me felt, as always, helpful, painful, blissful. I realized the time and knew Randy would be back soon. i went to the bathroom sink and rinsed off the blood from my arm hiding it as best as possibly with bracelets and a hoodie, as always. Than i braced myself for what was about to come. I couldn't look at myself now.

I heard him come in and went to him knowing it was almost near, but wanting to get it over with, fear rose inside of me i was shaking and managed to get a better grip so he wouldn't see. I hadn't ate at all this month and still had to purge tonight, but this was first, how fun. "i hate myself."i thought as he turned around to finally face me and stopped mumbling to himself. He immediately back handed me with enough force to make me fall to the ground. I didn't dare shed a tear, or stand up for that matter, i knew what would come when i did. He chuckled, it was so cruel in cold that it sent a shiver down my spine. I refused to face him witch infuriated him further and kicked me hard in the stomach making blood come out of my mouth.

I quickly learned that tonight was different, he was out for death and i could feel it. With no way to stop him being so defenseless, I got up and ran i went into my room and blocked the door as best as possible. He was Mad and was raging trying to kick down the door. I grabbed important things as fast as possible leaving behind only a small trace of me being here and forced open the small jammed window just enough for me to get through. i through out the small bag and with a little effort managed to get out falling to the ground. I got up and he busted the door open screaming furiously as he seen i had gotten away. I ran, and only barely heard his next words shouting out the window, "you'll be back, just wait like the last time, you'll be back." i wouldn't look back but i could imagine the evil smile that would be playing on his face.

But that only terrified me more so i ran faster, and harder. What he didn't know, was that i wasn't coming back i would continue school with help from Alex's parents, they'd always adored me and promised they would do anything to help me. I hoped they would do this,  so i would finish school with their help and.... I stopped, then what? Where would i go? I was still running but i was beginning to slow down, i couldn't breath anymore and my legs were numb. I decided id figure out where to go when the time came to figure it out.