YOURS {N.H} SEQUEL TO WHO KNOWS

Part 45

NIALLS P.O.V

"You're up." I said once I saw her come down stairs.

"Why aren't you as fucking sad as I am?" I just stood there, startled by her tone of voice towards me. "Why aren't you crying with me? Why the fuck aren't you angry? We lost a child!" she screamed at me.

"Did I do something, where is this coming from?"

"We lost a child Niall!" She screamed again. "We lost a baby! How are you not raging right now? You should be fucking mad. You should be mad as hell. I am. I did it all right and I still lost it, that's not fair! None of this is fair." She ran her hands through her tangled hair. "This wasn't supposed to happen. You get pregnant, you cry with happiness, you spend months watching yourself get bigger and bigger, and you have the baby and then its happiness. Not this! Why are you so selfish?" she hissed at me, and once she said it I could tell in her eyes that she wished she hadn't.

"How could ya?" I whispered, shaking my head hurt by her words.

"Niall, I'm so-."

"Just... Just shut up. How dare you tell me all this when I've been the one making you stay alive for the past month Meg. I may look as if I'm fine on the surface but I am fucking breaking down inside. When we first found out the news I was devastated, crying when I wasn't around you. I even ignored my phone calls for days from the lads, 'cause I knew as soon as they would say 'what's been wrong with you?' I would just break down completely, but I've been keeping strong for you, for the baby that is still inside your body growing and for Olah's sake. God you haven't even seen you daughter in weeks, and I'm glad she wasn't here to witness what has just happened. How could you have been so cold? I lost you; I lost the baby. It still seems so unreal. It's just, this is..." I looked away from her.

"I'm sorry." She spoke up. "I know this is hard for you too. I'm just so, so mad." She hiccupped. I turned and faced her again, both of our eyes wet.

"I'm mad too love, you have no idea how mad I am."

"This is really bad." she chocked. "But better or worse right?"

"Better or worse." I agreed, tackling her in a hug. "I'm sorry we lost the baby."

"I'm sorry too."

"I'll do everything I can for you Meg, whatever you need just tell me, tell me please."

"Just keep doing this." She sniffled and kept her face buried in my neck. I rubbed up and down her back. "I need you so much."

"I need you." She leaned back and wiped my eyes and I wiped hers, the blue so beautiful. "For the past month I kept trying to be the rock here but this is a lot for me too Meg. Finding out about the baby, keeping you healthy, dealing with the baby in general, and thinking there would be two... then... then all this. I'm numb right know." I held her face. "There is another baby there Meg; you have to be strong for it. This, rage and stress isn't good for you or the babie. You have to accept that. You did everything you could have done. Please understand that. I need my wife too, because I'm so lost right now. I need you too. I can't lose you too."

"You won't lose me, you couldn't." She fell into my chest again, leaning my head down against hers. "I need time, I'm doing my best. I'm trying to cope. I don't know how."

"You have to come to an understanding...."

"That's what's so hard; I don't understand why this happened."

"Maybe if there is a God, he has this plan. Maybe it's the universe. It's something bigger than us Meg, or it's just... it's nature. Things like this happen so often. At least... you didn't lose both."

"I didn't." She looked up. "I keep forgetting that. I have another baby, I have Olah and you to be here for. I just wish..." Tears fell from her eyes.

"I know, princess, I know, I wish it would have worked out."

"I know you are." She burried her face back into my chest and I held her whilst she cried.

"How do you feel?" I spoke a long time later, brushing her messy hair out of her face.

"I've been through all five stages of grieving. It's just I feel like I won't be able to get over it like click of a finger." She shook her head. "I will never be over the fact that I lost one of my children." She held her stomach, sadness noticeable in her eyes. "But I can't keep feeling so sad like this. That's not my nature; I'm not a miserable, depressed person. I have a family to stay strong for, I would die if I lost another baby. I have to protect this one. I can't lose another baby, I can't.

"Shhh." I pulled her forward, he legs hooking around my waist. I rubbed up and down her back, kissing her shoulder softly. "This baby will be health, the doctor said so himself. This is, as sad as it gets, a normal occurrence. It happens."

"I'm so sad. I can feel how defeated my body is. I feel like I have lost a part of me."

I frowned against her. "I'll take care of you. I just need you to stay focused on keeping healthy."

"Thank you." She hiccupped. I'm going to take a nap."

"Whatever you need, I'll get for you. Just don't lock yourself up again like that. Just spend sometime outside with your daughter. Go out. Do anything, but please don't keep yourself go in hiding again." I kissed her forehead but she held my collar. She gently put her lips to mine; just pecking them but we hadn't done that in four weeks.

"I won't I promise Ni."

"Good. I love you so much."

"I love you, more than you will ever know.

COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO EDIT THIS PART BECAUSE I'M ILL, BUT I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED IT ILY ALL