The Run and GØ [JOSHLER]

[7]

tw: selfharm, suicide attempt *** when over

"J-Josh.." I cried, barely holding onto my phone. "Tyler, jesus, what happened?" I heard him ask. I was shivering so badly that I accidentally dropped my phone, causing him to freak out even more. "Tyler? Tyler!" I heard coming from the device. Shakily, I reached out to it. "Tyler, where are you?" I heard. He was practically yelling by now. "H-home." I answered, picking up the thing from the ground and holding it close to my body.

"Tyler, hang on, please, I'm off to yours okay?" He said, and I heard some muffled noises, he was probably packing his things. "N-no, d-don't, Josh, i-it's fi - fine." I muttered, curling up into a ball. "No Tyler, it's not, you're clearly upset and I hate hearing ya like this. I'm on my way, okay? Is there anyone home with you?" He said, and I heard him go out the door. "J-josh, stay there!" I raised my voice, but I still sounded weak.

"Is there anyone at home with you?" He repeated. "N-no..." I answered. "Shit, fuck - okay, I'm on my way okay? Please stay strong, Tyler!"

But I didn't stay strong.

In fact, I broke down and pathetically reached for my razor, roaming the cabinets desperately. Don't find me, don't find me! I chanted over and over in my head. I ran my fingers across the razor's flat side and examined it for a second. I put it on the skin on my arm softly, dragging it sidewards. I only opened up the very top layer of my skin, so I didn't bleed just yet. Then, I put a little more pressure on it, and not much later losing complete control, and maybe also my sanity.

I sobbed, screaming out in pain. I became a little lightheaded and fell down on the floor. I threw the razor aside, not even caring where it landed, and wiped my arm with my hand. I whimpered at the sting, and counted the bleeding lines on my arm. Blood was seeping through the split pieces of skin and dripped down in big, crimson puddles. My sight became blurry, and I couldn't see anything anymore.

It's down the road, not across the street, Tyler.

He was back. He was back, and I knew I was fucked by now. But I didn't do anything to stop it, and neither did I want to stop it either. Blurry was back, to save me. He was right all this time, he was the only one to care about me. He always knew what was best for me. I should've listened.

"I-I ac-cept m-m-my f- ate..." I said as my breathing became ragged. I heard a faint thud, but it must've just been me falling to the ground again. I had a hard time trying to keep my eyes open, but I had to listen to Blurry.

Come on, buddy. You're strong enough. I'll lead you to a better life.

"I kn-know B-Blurry-y.." I stammered, and soon enough began coughing. I held my hand up in front of my mouth, seeing red spots appearing as I coughed. I smiled, this was going to be my demise. With a deep inhale, I got all my strength together to crawl towards my razor. I sat down against the wall and took the blood-covered metal in my hands. It slipped away at first, and when I took it in my hands again, the door went open with a slam.

Faint footsteps, hand on my shoulder and the razor was taken out of my hands, thrown across the room - maybe even out of the room, since the door was still open. "Tyler!" I heard a soft scream. I closed my eyes. "Don't you fucking - I will fucking kill you if you die on me now!" A teardrop fell on my nose and I was picked up, but I still refused to live through this.

"Ta-Take m-me aw-w-ay, Bl-l-lurry.... N-now.." I whispered.

And I lost consciousness.

***

"This is your fucking fault!" I heard a scream. "I-I didn't know he was this bad!" Someone stammered back. My head was pounding and I slowly opened my eyes. "That's a fucking lie and we both know it!" I heard. Although my sight was blurry, I could vaguely make out Josh being pinned against the wall by my brother Zack. "I tried to save him! I tried my hardest!" Josh said. "If it wasn't for me he would've killed himself!" "Guess who made him kill himself, huh? Guess who pushed him over the edge?" Zack sneered, slamming him into the wall.