I Just Wanna Save You

Dignity

I couldn't move. I could barely breathe, let alone move. I'm just so tired of living this life. Tired of this school, the people. Tired of not knowing wether I'm going to be left alone and die. Tired of fighting to live. THIS IS NOT ME.

I tried to get up but my body collapsed. I spit blood, good thing I wasn't squeamish because I was a mess. My skin had ugly purplish blue bruises. My nose was a swollen pulp, I disgusted myself. What would mom think?! Oh gowd mom!?! Shit she must be worrried sick. She was already getting older and had a weak heart. This would put her on edge.

I looked around myself, i was in a dark alleyway with dim lit streetlamps. Damn I couldn't see any places I could get for help around here. I was screwed, totally screwed.

I started having a panic attack. I seen a black van pull toward my way. Fear washed over my body making me feel numb. A van, and one of the most shadest looking vans i have seen so far. Not one of those mini family vans. Im talking jeepers creepers van.

I shuddered as he got closer. I gathered the fragment of strength I had left and tried to crawl backwards. There was a fence with alittle hole for me to climb out of. The van stopped and a intimidating guy stepped out. Like hell I was gonna let him get me. All the anger and hate from the years and years of bullying came back to me. I lunged backwards through the hole. While doing so i ripped my shirt and the barbed wire cut my arms and face. Great just what I need more cuts.

I seen my school in a distance...shit thats to far for me to go. I looked behind and the uncanny looking guy started walking alittle faster. "Hey little girl come her nice and easy. I promise I won't hurt you." the man yelled. Why you always lyin started playing in my head. Damn my brain.

I got up, i dont know how probably the adrenaline going through me. I limped toward the school. The man started jogging and jumped the fence. I screamed as loud as i could, but his filthy hands covered my mouth. "Feisty aren't you?" I shuddered and snapped "Go to hell fuckface." I bit back coldly but started coughing again. "Aww you're hurt, don't worry I will make you feel real good." the man said, he had disgusting yellow teeth. Greasy hair, long dirty fingernails. Well this day keeps getting better and better.

He grabbed me and shoved me against the wall. I gasped for air. "I'll try and make it not hurt." he winked at me. I screamed and tried everything I could, I was not going down without a fight. I tried to kneed him in the balls but he blocked my leg and laughed. I spit in his face. "Now don't you do that" he said angrily, and slapped me in the face. I growled and scrached him in the eye. He shoved his tounge down my throat and I choked and threw up alittle. He tasted of cheap beer and cigarettes. Well, the goes my first kiss. He ripped off my shirt and pinched my boobs. The tears started coming and I begged and pleaded him to stop. I asked God what have I done to deserve this, all this torture. I hated myself for getting in this situation.

"HEY GET OFF OF HER OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE!?!" I opened my eyes and looked at where the voice was coming from. It was my math teacher with a phone and bat in his hand. The man licked my face, and looked me straight in the eye. "I will be back for you honeybunches but no one be here to save your ass." He dropped me to the ground and kicked me in the stomach. I whimpered as I seen him jogg back to his creepy van and drive away. Mr. Lavaski my math teacher ran up to me.

"Holy shit Jade what happened!?!" I sobbed and didn't meet his eye. I couldn't, I was so ashamed of what happened. I bit back another sob. Would I ever be the same after that? Out of all thats happened to me this was the worst. Just his filthy hands going over my skin, the way his tounge tasted all of it was to much for my brain. I was in shock. I have been beaten but this is a whole new level of pain it was psychological. And that is the worst kind, I try to ignore the words they say but in the end they hurt worst than them hurting me physically. I looked at Mr.lavaski's face and he was in shock also. He picked me up to his car. Here i was bloody, cut up only in my bra and ripped jeans. In the alley for basically no one to find me, how did he? "h-how did you find me." It was still cold and he gave me his coat. Well, I live by here and I heard screaming so I went by to check it out. I saw you with a strange man and thought you needed help, and here we are now."

  Mr. Lavaski was a middle aged man with a wife and kids. He had a kind face and a big belly. We went to his car and I told him the address to my house. I guess he was still in shock from what happened. We arrived at my house and rang the door bell. My mom opened it and had a worried look on her face. "Jade where the hell were you?" she looked livid. "And who are you?" she pointed at my math teacher. "I am Jades math teacher I found her." he stated calmly. We went inside. It was nice and homely looking but reminded me of bad memories... My mom had always thought the worst of me. Our relationship was just so dysfunctional, so many misunderstandings and fights. I love her but I just need some time away from everyone. I wish i could just disappear without a trace no one would worry or stress. I'll be in a state of pure nirvana.

"Jade go to your room you look disgusting." I limped up to my room i'm surprised I didnt fall down and injure myself even more. I went into my room and shut and locked the door. My face burned from shame and embarrassment. No one could know about this. How I was so weak and pathetic I couldnt protect myself.

I felt sick and retched in the toilet. The way his hands violated me and his tounge licked me. The way he smelt and felt me made me nauseous and I threw up some more. My body got really cold and started shaking violently. I couldn't stop it. I limped to my bed and got under the covers. Even the blankets couldn't warm me. I had to retch again so when I came back I brought the trash with me. The moments in the alley kept replaying in my head. I wanted to die. I'm such a pathetic helpless bitch. I tried to get some sleep...