I Just Wanna Save You

Initiative

*hey this chapter is pretty extreme and might be triggering just a warning but it'll get better.* ~llp

Sweat fell down my brow, everything was on fire. The small metal box scorched my sensitive flesh. Hands roamed all over my body pulling, feeling, touching, all over my body. I wailed and sobbed to get out. Suddenly, I was strung up high off the ground by metal chains with thorns on the insides.

Blood flowed down my arm to the floor below. A faceless man carried a woman in. I looked closer was that.....mom? Her hair was thin and like straw she has a crazed glassed over-look in her eyes.

She was wearing a transparent, paper thin cloth. The faceless man tore it off her frail body exposing her to the vast emptyness. A tall, broad, wooden pillar emerged from mere air. I silently pleaded it wasn't what i though was going to happen. It couldn't, not to her. The man took out metal chains and threw them into a fire. He grabbed a large tong and fetched them out, when they were a scorching white color. The man grabbed my mother and wrapped the chains around her and the pole. She screamed murder, it was so blood curtailing the back of my legs hurt as if i could feel her pain. Her skin was peeling away trying to get away from the searing hot chains. The man turned around and brought out a table full of torture instruments. My stomach clenched and i started sweating, my own blood had started to pooled below me into a large puddle. My wounds were nothing compared to my mothers' nothing.

The man unrolled a large spiked whip. He struck down on my mother's skin exposing the raw bone. Once, twice, to many times to count. She was sobbing and wailing for it to stop. Her blood was everywhere it splattered all over my face and body. He went back to his table of instuments and brought out an blow torch. No! I tried to turn away but invisible hands turned my head back to the horrific scene unfolding before me.

Blue fire emitted from the tool as he glazed it over her scabbing back. Fire licked hungrily at her skin, melting it off her labored body in chunks. The stench of burning flesh filled my nostrils. I vomited the contents of my food. Bone and rotted ligaments still lingered on her frame. Screeches filled my ears, haunting me to my soul till everything, Everything stopped, the stench of burnt flesh, my mother's wails and even the sound of fire. Everything was quiet, my breath hitched, i listened closer faintly, only the sound of my mothers whimpering was heard.

The faceless man disappeared, i was left alone with her. "Jade, jade please help me. Please baby, please put me out of my misery. Say something ANYTHING, PLEASE! Don't leave me here to die again PLEASE BABY PLEASE." she was sobbing her eyes out, her whole body shaking. Scabbed blood cracked as she tried to touch me. Blood poured out from her cracked skin. I tried to call to her but nothing came out. I yelled so hard to her but nothing came but, silence. I screamed so hard blood rose up from my throat. The taste of iron filled my taste buds. I went to approach her but a invisible force held me back. I had to watch her suffer in silence. My heart ached and my stomach clenched but I could do nothing.

"Jade why won't you help me? After all i have done for you! You have always been useless. So selfish, you only care for yourself. I should have never gave birth to you, such a useless girl." She practically screamed at me. "Leave, LEAVE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT LEAVE!!!" Her insults still rang fresh in my ears until i woke up to a giant room.

Everthing was concrete, the walls, ceiling, floor, all concrete. In the middle was a steel table and chair. I went to go sit down in it, leather straps tied me down. The more i struggled the tighter it became. At the center of the table a hand gun appeared. The bindings on my arms unloosened. "Do it." a familiar voice said, "Do it now." said unmistakably my mother's voice. "Just take the gun and kill yourself, no one will miss you anyways." said my childhood bully Veronica. "DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT,"

Everyone i had ever known in my life was cheering for me to take the gun to my head and pull the trigger. Thick hot tears rolled down my face. I thought these people loved me but apparently they wanted me dead. "DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT," They all chanted in unision. "Worthless, slut, fat, ugly, piece of shit, dumbass," I tried to get away from it, just get away from it all. But everytime i tried the straps constricted me tighter and tighter, untill i was struggling to breath.

These words are the ones i locked away deep inside my head. All the hours spent throwing up over the toilet, skipped meals, low self esteem, maybe i would be better off dead. I wouldn't have to deal with all these voices inside my head telling me im not good enough to live. Honestly im just tired, tired of trying to fit into society's standards. Tired of all this bullshit I have to deal with everyday.

I reached for the gun with shaky hands and put it to my temple. "DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT," My finger was just about to pull the trigger when I threw the gun across the room and watched it shatter. "NO I WILL NOT DO THIS I WILL NOT MY LIFE IS PRECIOUS AND I WILL NOT END IT SO SHUT THE FUCK UP." I screamed to the top of my lungs. As anger coursed through my body, the leather straps unraveled and the concrete room faded away with the voices still chanting to kill myself.

I tried to breath but it felt like i wasn't getting any oxygen. My airways were closed and i kept gasping but only a small amount of air entered my lungs. My vision faded black and i passed out into a very troubled slumber.