My Sentiments Exactly

Sparks Fly

Sparks fly
Battery at 10%. Alone. Lights. Sparkles. Christmas Carols. Michael Buble. My background music -Sparks Fly-
And here I am at the Triangle. Watching the infamous dancing lights. 5.4.3.2.1.
Its on. It really is Christmas.
I should be delighted right? The very fact that I went to this place on my own, alone, bringing my courage with me
Besides Im used to this. Me being alone, be it on a movie, malls, restaurant. I can always have fun even Im alone.
But this. This is different. This is the one place I promised to have someone dear to me when I go.
As I watched the dancing lights accompanied by christmas songs. Tears fell from my eyes. I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't went here alone. As I saw, families..friends..peers..couple.. Enjoying a five minute show. And Im here mesmerized by the lights and sounds but unhappy about the fact that I cannot keep my promise to myself. (Para sa sarili ko na lang hindi ko pa natupad).
I used to enjoy the idea of being alone. Being by myself. I used to. What changed? What happened to me?
Five minutes had gone by (or is it ten?). I lost tract of time as I watched the lights. I went to eat. Tears fell from my eyes as I watched it for the first time. And what can comfort me? Of course food.
Then after that I decide to watch it again. I stood here. Same as the first show. Nothing changed. Tears again. God can only explain whats happening to me. Im smiling but im crying. I wish you were here. Whoever you are. At least let me make my promise to my self come true.
Song on cue. *I run my fingers through your hair and watched the lights go wild*
I can only wish. I can only dream. I can only listen to it. But it will not happen. Maybe someday. But not so soon and not now.

P.S.
I wrote this before Christmas. I only have the courage to post this today. #latepost