My Sentiments Exactly

I'm Sorry

To the people I hurt:
I am sorry. I am not being rude with you in anyway. I just dont want to get attached and lose you eventually. I am not used to have aquiantances. All my life it has been me. Always me. I cannot change that anymore.
Its fine with me not being wanted. Not being needed because in the end you will realize that you dont need anything from me. I will not benefit you in anyway so it will be easier to let go of whatever that we had. I have only my brother. My one best friend. And about 2 to 3 cousins that I consider to have seen the most of me. Thats it. Nobody else. And I vowed that it will stay that way. I dont have many friends. At least i dont have many people that considered me as their friend. Because I am ridiculous, the meaniest person you will unfortunately meet.
I already built walls around me. It is not because I dont want to be hurt by anyone but because I dont want me to hurt you. But I already did. And Im sorry. And if you want me out of your life thats fine with me. Im used to it. It will not hurt me anymore. This will not be the first time and definitely not the second. But im afraid that it will hurt you.. and again Im sorry if I already did.
All lifes end. All hearts broken. Caring is not an advantage and I continue not to make that mistake again. In my life I have I dont have luck with friends. The best one I met when we were just in Grade school. My best friend. After that I tried. To have as many friends as I can. I have one who betrayed me. The others just pass in my life writing the best stories and then left with no endings. The others just dissappeared after years of having a great time. Then I again I thought maybe its me. That I am the problem. And I am convinced until now that I am. So I tried to embrace it. I have trust issues. The paranoia that somebody will always try to hurt my feelings. So I continue not to make that emotional attachment to anyone that I met. The great people in my life I already met before life made me realize that I should not trust anyone except them.
The most important thing for me is that to make sure that you will not have a hard time letting go of me. I dont want anyone to feel the way I felt when everyone I have ever loved left me. Even if they say/promised that they will not. It will always end that way. Me being left behind while everybody is moving on with their lives. Every body that I loved.

And yes.. you are right Im a sad little biatch..