[COMPLETED]
❝Death is inevitable. It's a promise made to us at birth.❞
Arielle is a studious young woman striving to be a chef. Her life is full of going to class, reading textbooks, and hanging out with her friends, until she meets Zayn. Zayn's an...
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➳ ARIELLE'S POV
It's been a few days since I've seen everyone. Since I've seen Zoe, Zayn, Drew, and Jonah. A few days since I not so casually slept with Zayn again. Since I kissed Jonah—which, I honestly still don't know where that came from but was probably due to being a teensy bit heartbroken.
The only person I've seen since that night is Nyjah, and lucky for me, he hasn't questioned me about my whereabouts. He asked where I was the night after, when I was at Jonah's, and I told him exactly what happened—I hung out with a friend and ended up spending the night.
If Jonah's even my friend anymore, I don't know. I mean, I kissed him. I'm not going to lie to myself and deny that it wasn't a fantastic kiss—it totally was—but I don't know what I was thinking when I did it. I totally don't intend to lead Jonah on, but he's just always been there for me, and I guess some part of me was thinking that maybe he's the right guy for me.
He's kind-hearted, he's funny, he's caring, generous, loving, and I know without a doubt that he'd do absolutely anything to protect me. I don't have a doubt in my mind that if a bullet were ever fired in my direction, he'd hurl his body in front of it to protect me. I was thinking that's possibly the type of guy I need. And of course, he was right there, and I wasn't exactly of sound mind, and it just kind of happened.
Ugh, I'm a total bitch for doing this to him.
I'm sure he's doing one of two things—galivanting about in his brain, believing we're becoming something more, or absolutely beyond pissed with me for doing such a thing. Or maybe he's feeling both of those, I really couldn't tell you.
That's not to say I wouldn't consider possibly going on a date with him. I think if he asked, I'd consider it at least. I mean, absolutely nothing's for sure, but at this point in time, I'm so furious with Zayn that I want to look at moving on. I've almost skipped the point of being upset about it—no more crying, no sleepless nights, no watching sappy movies to remind myself of what love feels like. That's what happened to me when he lost all recollection of me, but I refuse to let that happen again.
I refuse to cry about it. I refuse to show how much he broke my heart when I woke up alone in that hotel room. No one will ever know how close I came to having another panic attack—something I haven't had for months now.
As weirdly twisted it is, I believe Zayn's the reason my panic attacks stopped, and he was the reason I almost suffered one merely days ago. There was something incredibly safe that I found in Zayn. He was the first time in my life where I actually felt safe.
I slipped up the other night when I was at Jonah's. I ended up pathetically sobbing while staring out the window. The only reason that even happened was because I couldn't sleep. Which lead to me sitting at the window just for a change of scenery—something better to do than mindlessly stare at the television. And of course, I ended up pulling my cell phone out of my clutch, which resulted in the necklace falling out as well.
