Triggering Trinity

Sleepless Tonight

(A/N)*TRIGGER WARNING-PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SUICIDLE OR DEPRESSING EMOTIONS*

"You haven't left your room for 3 days Trinity" it was my weekly meet up with Dr. Nolemen and I wasn't feeling it at all, not that I ever did but at least sometimes I'd make small talk. I didn't bother giving a response to him. I hadn't all session, I just lied in my bed waiting for the time to fly by.

He sighed, probably in frustration. "Trinity I don't know how you expect to get better with you putting in little effort" he was eyeing me hopelessly waiting for a response, a response I wasn't going to give him. I could see him from the corner of me eye, he was sitting on Victoria's bed with his clipboard in hand.

I just couldn't bring myself to speak, I couldn't bring myself to eat, and I could barely bring myself to shower. Why? Because for some reason I was letting all this stupid drama get to me and it really wasn't like me to care. But for some strange reason I did, but not about the group shutting me out, it was about Victoria shutting me out.

"I think our session is over for today Trinity" Dr. Nolemen got up and slowly walked to the door in defeat but before he left he turned around and spoke "You're making this a hopeless case" and with that he left. Just wonderful, my own therapist is giving up on me as well.

I threw some blankets over my head and tossed before settling into a fetus position. How could I feel everything in all but also feel nothing at once. I hate being like this, feeling like this, just switching from sad to angry to sad, I don't even know why I'm angry I just am. Felling like I'm never going to be good enough cause all my life no one ever told me I was.

Do I even need to be here because clearly I don't, I've wasted a month in these walls and have nothing to prove for it at all. I wished those doctors hadn't saved me because now I'm stuck here and I can't get out, I thought this place was a prison but it's really my mind. And I just can't do this, I can't keep living this way because god these emotions are more dangerous than guns. The words the voices say in my head twist like knives in my heart. All this blood running through my veins doesn't make me feel alive like it's supposed to, when will it end. I know some are scared for death but here I am on my knees praying for it.

With so much running through me I couldn't help but cry in silence, waiting for these waves of feelings to pass through. Hopefully I'd calm down soon before Victoria came back. I spoke too soon because I heard the door open and somebody enter into the room. Maybe I'd be lucky and it'd just be Nathan or another nurse to come check up on me. I wasn't going to check though in the possibility that it might be her.

I felt the weight shift on my bed, I sighed in relief of knowing it was Nathan. I whipped my eyes dry and peeked out from under the covers, at my surprise it was Victoria who was sitting at my side. I didn't say anything but neither did she, she wasn't even looking at me.

I hadn't talked to her in a week, or really she didn't talk to me, I had tried talking to her but my existence wasn't visible to her lately. I tried everything I could to get her to talk to me but I gave up and assumed I completely lost her and I shut out the world. Nathan tried to get through to me but he didn't even know what was going anymore.

She continued to sit there with no words to be spoken, she turned her head and looked down at me and as soon as our eyes connected hers filled with sorrow. Maybe she could tell that I was just crying, it's not like I tried so hard to hide it, my eyes were still puffy and red.

"Were you...crying?" hearing her talk was like breaking down a barrier. I didn't speak but just slightly nodded my head.

"Why?" she asked dumbfounded. I know I should've been glad she was speaking to me but did she really not know why? She's literally the reason I am upset and it doesn't take a genius to figure it out. I tried to break down her walls for days and she had the audacity to ask me why?

"Why?" I repeated "What do you mean why?" I was feeling irritated, did she really think none of this affected me in a bad way, was this just some silly little game to her?

"You haven't talked to me for days Victoria! Did you not realize that? I tried speaking to you, I apologized multiple times with true sincerity and not once did you respond to me! I actually tried to fight for you, I picked you over them! I chose you! Even after I chose you it wasn't good enough because you ignored my existence after I gave up all I had here. Here you are making me feel like I will never be good enough, but you couldn't care less"

I was out of breath and my blood was running hot, I was frustrated with everything, and purely just her. I sat up my bed looking at her with anger waiting for a response. "I didn't think you cared" she whispered.

"Of course I cared, why would I have tried so hard to keep you if I didn't care?" She looked away for a moment and looked back at me. "I'm so sorry Trinity I..." she paused not knowing what else to say.

"You're sorry? Yeah I was sorry too" I ran my hand through my hair in frustration.

"Well you shouldn't, you shouldn't care about me" She said a little a little above a whisper.

"You're telling me this now? After all I did for you? I know it hasn't been long since I met you but it's too late to be telling me this. I'm attached and there's no going back now. I don't know why I care so much for you but I do Victoria, and it's confusing me. Each day you didn't talk to me has been a stab to the heart and I don't know why I'm feeling like this with you but not them. I don't care about them I care about you and I'm scared of these feelings Victoria, I'm scared"

"I'm sorry Trinity but I'm not use to people just caring about me, I don't even care about me" it hurt hearing her say that, she deserved to feel cared for.

"I just want things to be okay because right now everything's not alright. My head hurts and my feelings are confusing and I just don't think I can handle one more thing going wrong." I began to cry again, little sobs escaping my throat.

I felt shaky and weak admitting that to her, I don't know what this was but I needed to find out. She didn't saying anything she just placed her hand over mine, holding it. I felt tense but I relaxed and turned my hand around to properly hold hers. It just felt right, this felt right.

"Can we be okay?" I asked still not certain.

"Yes" All it took was that one answer to flip my emotions around.

I scooted over so she could lie down beside me, we looked up at the ceiling staring at nothing in particular. We just simply lied there, in the most unromantic way. I'm glad everything was going to be okay and I wasn't going to be alone anymore, physically and mentally.

"I'm sorry I doubted our friendship Trinity" She spoke. "It's okay, let's just forget about it, friends?" I asked "Friends" she repeated.

That word echoed through my head 'friends' just 'friends'. As we lied there in the quiet of our room I tried to clear out my clouded mind. Realization had never hit me so hard before but it just did. I was scared of digging up what I was feeling because I've never felt anything like it before. It wasn't a new emotion but it came in a different aspect. I liked Victoria, and not just as a friend but as something more.

This was all too confusing to me, I don't like girls but Victoria was different, she's the kind or rare that's hard to find. I couldn't exactly tell her what I was feeling, we just made up and what if she doesn't feel the same way about me, then what? Or what if I don't actually like her like that and am just too attached. I wasn't exactly sure of what was going on inside my head but I was for sure going to keep it there.

It's not like I'm in love with her.

(A/N) Shorter chapter than before and I feel like this story is escalating rather quickly but it either escalates quickly or you're going to be reading a 100 chapter book, there is no in between. This story might only be 12-15 chapters and I already planned out the ending, but I think you would all get mad if I end it the way I want to, so I might write a sequel maybe? But yeah and I might also be writing another story but it's going to be short like 5-9 chapters, but I won't update it as often as this one.