After // ziall

Chapter 36

Zayn's blazing eyes don't leave mine as I make my way to him. I prop my knee up on the bed and pull myself up. At the same time, Zayn lifts himself up against the headboard and holds his hand out for me. The second I place my small hand against his, he wraps his fingers around it and pulls me onto him. My knees go to his sides and I am straddling his lap. I have done this before with him, but not in so little clothing. I hold myself up using my knees so we aren't touching, but Zayn isn't having it. He positions his hands on my hips and gently pushes me down. His t-shirt is bunched up at my sides, baring my thighs completely. The second our bodies touch my stomach begins to stir. I know this happiness that I feel isn't going to last and I feel like Cinderella, waiting for the clock to strike to end my blissful night.

"Much better." He says and gives me a crooked smile.

I know he is drunk and that's why he is being so nice, well nice for him, but I will take it. If this is truly the last time I will be around him then this is how I want to spend it. I keep telling myself that. I can behave how ever I want tonight with Zayn because when the daylight comes I am going to tell him to never come near me again and he will oblige. It's for the best and I know that is what he will want when he isn't intoxicated. To my defense, I am just as intoxicated by Zayn as he is by the bottle of scotch he consumed.

As Zayn continues to stare into my eyes, I begin to feel nervous. What should I do next? I have no idea where Zayn is going to take this and I don't want to make a fool out of myself by trying to do something first.

He seems to notice my uncomfortable expression.

"What's wrong?" He asks and brings a hand to my face. His finger traces over my cheek bone and my eyes involuntarily close at his touch. His touch is surprisingly gentle.

"Nothing.. I just don't know what to do." I admit and look down.

"Do whatever you want to do Ni, don't overthink it." He advises and I nod. I lean back a little to create about a foot of space between our chests and bring my hand up to his bare chest. I look at him for permission and he nods. I press both hands against his chest softly and he closes his eyes. My fingers trace the tattoos on his chest and down to his stomach. His eyelashes flutter as I trace his stomach. His expression is so calm but his chest is moving up and down much more rapidly than it was a few moments ago. I am unable to control myself as I bring my hand down and run my index finger along the waistband of his boxers. His eyes shoot open and he looks nervous. Zayn, nervous?

"Can I uhmm.. touch you?" I ask in hopes that he gets what I mean without me having to say it. I feel detached from myself, who is this guy straddling this punk boy and asking to touch him.. down there? I think back to what Zayn said earlier about me being my true self with him. Maybe he is right. I love the way I feel right now, I love the electricity shooting through my body as he nods.

"Please." He answers and I lower my hand. I keep my hand on top of his boxers and slowly reach the slight bulge in his boxers. He sucks in a breath as I graze my hand over him. I don't know what to do so I just keep touching it, running my fingers up and down. I am too nervous to look at him so I keep my eyes on his growing crotch.

"Do you want me to show you what to do?" He asks quietly, his voice is shaky. His usual cocky demeanor has shifted.

I nod and he puts his hand over mine once again. and brings it down to touch him again. He opens my hand and makes my fingers cup around his length. He sucks a breath between his lips and I look up at him through my lashes. He takes his hand off of mine, giving me full control.

"Fuck Niall, don't do that." He growls. I still my hand and try to jerk it away.

"No, not that. Keep doing that, I mean don't look at me that way."

"What way?"

"That innocent way, it makes me want to do so many dirty things to you." He informs me and I want to throw myself back onto the bed and let him do whatever he wants. I give him a small smile and begin to move my hand again. I want to take his boxers off but I am afraid to. A moan escapes from his lips and I tighten my grip on him, I want to hear that sound again. I don't know if I should move my hand faster or not so I keep the slow but tight movements and he seems to like it. I lean in and press my lips against the clammy skin of his neck, causing him to moan again.

"Fuck Ni, your hand feels so good wrapped around me." He says. I give him a little tighter squeeze and he winces. "Not that hard baby." His voice is soft and not mocking at all.

"Sorry." I say and kiss his neck again. My tongue runs over the skin of his ear and his body jumps, his hands begin to run up and down my chest and stomach.

"Can I.. take. off. the shirt?" His voice is so uncontrolled and raspy. I am amazed by the effect I have on him. I nod and his eyes light up in excitement. His hands are shaky as he reaches for the hem of the t-shirt. I begin to think of how many other times he must have done this, but I force the thoughts to the back of my head. Zayn slides the shirt over my head forcing me to let go of him. As soon as the shirt is gone he traces my chest and my stomach. His fingers lightly pinch my nipples as he leans forwards to kiss me. I moan into his mouth and reach down and grab his length again.

"Oh Niall, I am going to come." He says and I feel the hardness growing in my boxers even though he is only touching my chest and stomach. His touch is heavenly, and I feel like I may come too, just from his moand and his gently assault on my body. His legs tense under me and his kisses become sloppier, his hands drop down to my lap and I feel a wetness spread through his boxers and I pull my hand away. I have never made anyone else come, obviously. Zayn's head rolls back and he takes a few breaths while I sit on his thighs, unsure what to do. His eyes open and he lifts his head back up to look at me. A lazy smile crosses his face. He leans forward and kisses me on my forehead.

"I have never come like that before." He says and I am back to being embarrassed.

"It was that bad?" I ask and try to move off of his legs. He stops me.

"What? No, you were just that good. It usually takes more than someone just grabbing me through my boxers." He answers and a pang of jealousy hits me. I don't want to think about all the other people Zayn has been with that have made him feel this way. He takes in my silence and cups my cheek, brushing his thumb along my temple. I am comforted by the fact that the others had to do much more than I did, but I still wish there weren't any others. I don't know why I bother to feel this way, me and Zayn still unresolved. We are never going to date or be anything other than this but right now I just want to live in the moment. I laugh a little as the thought crosses my mind. I am not a 'live in the moment' type of person at all.

"What are you thinking?" He asks and I shake my head. I don't want to tell him about my jealous thoughts.

"Oh come on Niall, just tell me." He says and I shake my head again. In a very un-Zayn move he grabs ahold of my hips and begins to tickle me. I yell with laughter and fall off of him and onto the soft bed. He continues to tickle me and I can't breathe. His laughter booms through the room and it is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I have never heard him laugh this way and something tells me hardly anyone has. Despite his flaws, his many flaws, I consider myself lucky to see him this way.

Okay.. okay! I will tell you!" I screech and he stops.

"Good choice." He says, "but hold that thought, I need to change my boxers." He smiles and I blush.