After // ziall

Chapter 38

I am hot, too hot. I try to pull the covers off of me, but they won't budge. When my eyes open, the night before comes flooding into my mind. Zayn screaming at me in the yard, the scotch on his breath, the broken glass in the kitchen, Zayn kissing me, Zayn moaning as I touched him, his wet boxers. I try to lift him up but he is too heavy. I am surprised by his head laying across my chest and the way his arm is wrapped around my waist, his body cloaking mine. He must have moved this way in his sleep. I do admit, I don't want to leave this bed, leave Zayn, but I have to. I have to get back to my room, Noah is there. Noah. Noah. I gently push Zayn off by his shoulder, rolling him onto his back. I silently pray that he is a heavy sleeper, he rolls onto his stomach and groans but doesn't wake.

I hurry to my feet and grab my scattered clothes of the floor. Being the coward that I am, I want to be out of here by the time he wakes. I don't think he will mind though, at least he won't have to invest his energy into hurting me on purpose so I will leave on my own. This way is better for both of us, regardless of the way we laughed together last night, nothing is the same in the light of the day. Zayn will remember how we got along pretty well last night and he will feel the need to be extra hateful to make up for it. It is what he does, and I will not be around this time.

I will be where I belong, away from him. For a second last night, the thought crossed my mind that maybe the night would change Zayn's mind, make him want to have more with me, but I know better now. I fold his t-shirt neatly onto the dresser and pull on my clothes, my shirt if wrinkled from laying on the floor last night, but that is the least of my worries at the moment. I slip my feet into my shoes and grab ahold of the door handle.

One more look back won't hurt, I convince myself and look back to a sleeping Zayn. His messy hair is sprawled onto the pillow, and his arm is now draped over the side of the bed. He looks so peaceful despite the pieces of metal in his face.

I turn back around and turn the door handle.

"Ni?" My heart drops. I slowly turn back around to him, expecting to see his harsh brown eyes staring back at me. Instead, they are closed, a frown is set on his face, but he is still asleep. I can't decide if I am relieved that he is asleep or somber that he called out my name in his sleep. I walk out of the room and gently close the door behind me. I have no idea how to get out of this house, I walk straight down the hall and I am relieved to find the stairs easily. I pad down the stairs and nearly run into Liam. My pulse quickens as I try to think of something to say. His eyes scan my face and he stays silent, waiting for an explanation I assume.

"Liam.. I.." I have no idea what to say.

"Are you okay?" He asks with concern.

"Yea, I am fine. I know you must think..."

"I don't think anything, I really do appreciate you coming. I know you don't like Zayn and it means a lot to me that you would come here to help get him in control." Liam tells me.

Oh. He is so nice, too nice. I almost want him to tell me how disgusted he is that I stayed the night with Zayn, that I left my boyfriend alone in my room all night after I took his car and ran to Zayn's rescue, just so I feel as bad as I should.

"So are you and Zayn friends again?" He asks and I shrug.

"I have no idea what we are. I have no idea what I am doing. He just.. he." I break down into sobs. Liam wraps his arms around me in a warm and comforting hug.

"It's okay, I know he can be so terrible." Liam says softly. Wait.. he must think that I am crying because Zayn did something terrible to me. He would probably never assume I am crying because of my feelings for Zayn.

"It's not that Liam.." I sob. I need to get out of here before I ruim Liam's good opinion of me and before Zayn wakes up.

"I have to go, Noah is waiting." I say and Liam gives me a sympathetic smile before saying goodbye. I get into Noah's car and drive back to my dorm as fast as I can. I cry most of the way there, how will I explain this all to Noah? I know I have to, I can't lie to him. I just can't imagine how much this will hurt him. I am a terrible person for doing this to him. Why couldn't I just stay away from Zayn?

I have calmed myself as much as I can before I pull into the parking lot. I walk as slow as I can to my room, I don't know how I am going to face Noah. When I open the door, Noah is laying on his back on my small bed staring at the ceiling. He jumps up when I say his name.

"Jesus Niall! Where have you been all night? I've been calling you non top!" He shouts. This is the first time Noah has ever actually raised his voice at me. We have bickered before but he hasn't ever yelled at me.

"I am so sorry Noah, I went to Liam's house because Zayn was drunk and he was breaking thing, and the time just got lost I guess and by the time we cleaned up, it was so late and my phone was dead." I lie. I can't believe I am lying straight to his face, all the times he has been here for me and here I am lying to him. I know I should tell him but I can't imagine hurting him.

"Zayn was breaking stuff? Are you okay? Why did you stay there if he was being voilent?" I fell like he is asking me a thousand questions at once.

"He wasn't being voilent, he was just drunk, he wouldn't hurt me." I say and cover my mouth, desperately tryin to push the words back in.

"What do you mean he wouldn't hurt you? You don't even know him Niall." He snaps and walks towards me.

"I am just saying that he wouldn't hurt me phychically, I know him well enough to know that. I was just trying to help Liam." I say. Zayn would hurt me emotionally, he already has and I am sure he will try again. It's ironic that I am defending him right now and he isn't here.

"I thought you were going to stop hanging around those type of people? Didn't you promise me and your mom that you would? Niall, they aren't good people for you to be around. You've started drinking and staying out all night and you left me here all night. I don't know why you even had me come here if you were just going to leave." He sits down on the bed and rests his head on his hands.

"They aren't bad people, you don't know them. When did you become so judgmental?" I ask him. I should be begging him to forgive me for staying out all night but I am irritated by the way he is talking about my friends. Mostly Zayn, my subconscious reminds me and I want to slap him.

"I am not judgmental but you would have never hung out with those gothic people before."

"They aren't gothic Noah, they are themselves. They don't care to be like us, that doesn't make them any different from us." I say. I am as surprised by my words as Noah is.

"Well, I don't like you hanging out with them, they are changing you. You aren't the same Niall that I fell in love with." His voice isn't malicious at all, just sad.

"Well Noah..." I begin and the door flies open. My eyes follow Noah's to an angry Zayn storming into the room.