After // ziall

Chapter 72

"Okay, now tell me who you fought with, was it Harry?" I ask, afraid of his answer. I sit down at the end of the bed and he follows me, sitting towards the headboard.

"No, it wasn't Harry. It was just a few random guys." He replies. Oh, I had assumed it was Harry, I am relieved that it wasn't.

"Wait, a few? How many?"

"Three.. or four. I am not really sure." He laughs.

"It's not funny, why were you fighting anyway?"

"I don't know.. I was pissed that you left with Harry and it seemed like a good idea at the time." He shrugs.

"Well it's not a good idea, and now look how busted up you are." I frown and he cocks his head to the side with a puzzled expression. "What?"

"Nothing.. come here." He says and holds his arms out to me. I move across the bed and sit in front of him, between his legs.

"I am sorry for the way I treated... well treat you." He says quietly into my ear. A shiver runs through my body from his breath in my ear and his unforced apology. 

"It's okay, well it's not okay. But I am going to give you one more chance." I tell him. I hope he doesn't make me regret it. I don't think I can handle anymore hot and cold from him. 

"Thank you, I know I don't deserve it. But I am selfish enough to take it." He says, wrapping his arms around me. To sit with him like this feels foreign and nostalgic at the same time.

When I stay silent he turns my shoulders slightly to have me look at him. " What's wrong?" He asks.

"Nothing, I am just afraid that you will change your mind again." I admit. I want to dive into this head first, but I am afraid I will hit the bottom. 

"I won't, I have never changed my mind. I just fought my feelings for you. I know you can't trust me but I want to earn your trust. I won't hurt you again." He promises and leans his forehead against mine. 

"Please don't." I beg. I don't care how pathetic I sound. 

"I love you, Niall." He breathes and my heart leaps out of my chest. The words sound perfect coming off of his lips and I would do anything to be able to hear them again. 

"I love you, Zayn." This is the first time we have both openly said the words, I fight down my urge to panic over the idea that he may take them back again. Even if he does, I will always have the memory of how they sounded, how they made me feel.

"Say it again." He whispers and turns me around to face him. His eyes are more vulnerable than I thought possible for him as I move to my knees, between his legs. I take his face in my hands and rub my thumbs over the light stubble on his perfect face. I can tell by his expression that he needs me to say it, over and over again. I will say it as many times as I have to until he believes that he is worthy of someone loving him. 

"I love you." I repeat and cover his lips with my own. He hums in appreciation as his tongue grazes gently over mine. Kissing Zayn feels new and different each time, and he is like a drug that I can't get enough of. His hands press against the small of my back, bringing our chests together. My mind is telling me to take it slow, to kiss him gently and to savour each second of this gentle calm between us. But my body is telling me to grab a fist full of his hair and pull his shirt over his head. His lips travel down my jaw, and attach themselves onto my neck. That does it, I can't control myself anymore. This is us, all anger and passion and now love.

An involuntary moan escapes my lips and he groans against my neck, grabbing my waist and flipping us over so he is hovering over me. "I..have..missed you.. so much." He says in between sucking the skin on my neck. I can't keep my eyes open, it feels too good. He doesn't ask for my permission before tugging at the fabric of my shirt, pulling it over my head as I arch my back. 

"I have missed your body so much." He growls, I moan again and he presses his lower body against mine, I can feel his arousal pressed against my lower stomach. Both of our breathing is rapid and uncontrolled and I have never wanted him more. It seems our exchange of feelings hasn't changed the overwhelming passion between us, I am glad. His hand glides down over my bare stomach and down to pop the button open on my jeans. 

"What do you want Niall?" He breathes heavily into the crook of my neck.

"You." I answer before my mind can process what I just said. I know it is true, I want Zayn, in the most primal, deepest way possible. His hand wraps around my member, and my head falls back against the pillow as he moves up and down. 

"I love to watch you, to see how good I make you feel." He says and I moan in response. My hands fist his t-shirt at his back. He has too many clothes on, but I can'[t form a coherent sentence to request for their removal. How do we go from 'I hate you' to 'I love you' to this? I don't care for the answer though, all I care about is the way he is making me feel, the way he always makes me feel. His body slides down mine and he removes his hand from my pants, I whine from the loss of contact and he smiles. His hands pull down my jeans and boxers and I gesture to his fully clothes body. 

"Undress." I say and he chuckles.

"Yes sir." He smirks and pulls his shirt over his head, revealing his inked skin. I want to run my tongue along every single line on every single tattoo. 

Before either of us can ruin the moment with words, I grab ahold of his hair and pull his face to mine. I kiss him briefly on his lips before kissing his neck, in my limited yet thorough experience in pleasuring Zayn, I know that the spot on his neck just above his collarbone drives him crazy. I plant wet and warm kisses against his neck, feeling his body jerk and tense as I lift my hips to him again. The feeling of his bare body on top of mine is exquisite. We are both already starting to sweat, despite the fact that we are both completely undressed. If one small movement is made, this will be taken to another level. A level that I never had been ready to reach, until now. Zayn's hard muscles moving under his arms as he slowly rubs himself against me, moaning, is too much for me to resist.

"Zayn.." I moan as he glides against me again.

"Yes baby?" He stops moving, I bring my heels to his thighs and force him to move again. His eyes flutter closed. "Fuck." He moans.

"I want to.." I say.

"You want to what?" His breath is hot and heavy against my clammy skin.

"I want to.. you know.." I say, despite our intimate position right now I find myself embarrassed. 

"Oh." He says. He stops moving again and stares into my eyes. He seems to be wagering some internal battle with himself. "I.. I don't know if that's a good idea.."

What? "Why?" I push him off of me. Here we go, again.

"No.. No. baby. I just mean for tonight." He wraps his arms around me and puts me on my side, laying next to him. I can't look at him, I am too humiliated. 

"Listen, look at me." He says, tilting my chin. "I want to, fuck do I want to. More that anything, trust me. I have wanted to feel you around me since I met you, but I.. I just think after everything today and.. I just want you to be ready. I mean all the way ready, because once we do this, it's done. You can't take it back." My humiliation eases and I look at him. 

I know he is right, I know I need to think about this more, but I have a hard time believing that my answer will be any different tomorrow. I should think about it when I am not under the influence of his naked body grinding against mine. 

"Don't be upset with me please, just think about it for a little while and if you are sure that's what you want to do, I will gladly fuck you. Over and over, when and where you want. I want to.."

"Okay! Okay!" I bring my hand up to cover his mouth. He laughs against my palm and shrugs his should as if to say 'just saying'. 

When I remove my hand from his mouth, he playfully bites my palm and pulls me to him. "I guess I should put some clothes on so you aren't so tempted." He teases and I blush.

I can't decide which aspect of this is more surprising, the fact that I just suggested we have sex, or the fact that he actually has enough respect for me to turn me down.

"But first, let me make you feel good." He mutters and flips me back on my back in one swift motion. His mouth ducks down between my legs and within minutes my legs are shaking and I am covering my mouth with my hand to keep myself from screaming his name.