After // ziall

Chapter 41

"Are you okay?" Steph asks. She walks towards me and wraps her tiny arms around me. It's odd that her frail arms feel so comforting.

"Yea, well no. But I will be. Thank you for making him leave." I tell her and she hugs me tighter, my tears are flowing now and I don't see an end in sight.

"Don't thank me, Zayn may be my friend but you are my friend too and I don't want him upsetting you. I am sorry, this is all my fault. If I wouldn't have let him come around you all the time. He can be a real dick."

"No, it's not your fault at all. I am sorry, I don't want to come in between your friendship. I just need him to not come to our room anymore."

"Of course, I will get the key back from him. I knew I should have given it to Louis anyway." She says and I laugh lightly and pull out of her embrace. I appreciate her being here for me more than she will ever know. I feel completely alone, Noah is taking time to consider whether to break up with me or not, Zayn is an asshole, my mother would lose it if I talked to her about this, and Liam would be disappointed. I literally have no one except this flame haired tattooed girl who I never expected to become my friend, but I am glad she did.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks and I nod. I do actually, I want to get it all of my chest.

I tell her everything from the first time I kissed Zayn in his room to our day at the stream, the orgasm I made him have last night, the way he called my name in his sleep and the way he destroyed every ounce of respect I had for him when he made me tell Noah. Her face goes from concerned to shocked to sad during my story. My shirt is soaked with tears by the time I finish and she is holding my hand.

"Wow, I had no idea that so much happened. You could have told me after the first time. I knew something was up when Zayn showed up here the night we were going to the movies, I had literally just got off the phone with him, then he showed up here. I had suspected he came here to see you, now I know I was right. Zayn is a good guy, sometimes. I mean deep down he is, he just doesn't know how to really care for someone the way that you, well most people, need to be cared for. If I was you, I would try to make things work with Noah because Zayn isn't capable of being anyone's boyfriend." She says and squeezes my hand. I know everything she is saying is true and she is right, so why does it hurt so bad?

"Do you want to get some ice-cream? There is a good place right off campus, we can walk." She asks. I wipe my tears and nod. It is only noon and if I sit in this room any longer I will go insane.

~~

Liam is leaning against the brick wall outside the coffee house waiting for me on Monday morning.

"What happened to you eye?!" He has a blue-purple ring around his left eye and now that I look closer I see another bruise on his cheek.

Realization hits me like a truck. "Liam! Did Zayn do this?" My voice is shaky.

"Yea.." He admits and I am horrified.

"Why? What happened?" I want to kill Zayn for hurting Liam.

"He stormed out of the house after you left and then came back about an hour later, he was so pissed. He started trying to find more stuff to break so I stopped him. It wasn't so bad actually, I think both of us got a lot of our anger towards each other out. I got a few good hits on him too." He laughs and my mouth falls open.

I am surprised at Liam's light tone while talking abou thim and Zayn fighting.

"Are you sure you're okay? Is there anything I can do?" I ask him. I feel like this is my fault, Zayn was mad because of me, but I can't imagine him being mad enough to physically hurt Liam.

"No, really I am okay." He smiles.

"What did you mom say when she got home?" I ask him.

While we walk to class he tells me how Zayn's father broke up their fight, luckily they arrived home before they killed one another and how his mother cried when she realized Zayn had broke her dishes. He says they didn't have any sentimental value, but she was hurt that Zayn would do that nonetheless.

"But in other news, much better news, Danielle is coming to visit next week. She is coming to the bonfire with me." He smiles.

"Bonfire?" I haven't heard anything about a bonfire.

"Yea, haven't you seen the signs all over campus? It's an annual thing, to start the new year. Everyone goes. I am not usually into stuff like that, but it's actually pretty good time. You should have Noah come up again and we can make a double date out of it." If Liam only knew I had been cheating on Noah with Zayn and that me and Noah may or may not have broken up. I smile and nod. Maybe I should invite Noah so he can see that I have a friend like Liam. I know Zayn and Liam... I mean Noah and Liam would get along great, and I really want to meet Danielle.

Now that Liam had mentioned the bonfire, I notice signs littering almost every wall. I guess I was just too distracted by Zayn all week to notice. Before I know it I am in Literature, scanning the room for Zayn, despite my subconscious reminding me not to. I don't see him and he isn't in his normal seat next to me. "I will ruin him" his voice plays in my head. What could he possibly do that is worse than outing me in front of Noah? I don't know, nor do I ever want to find out.

"I don't think he is here, I heard him talking to that Harry guy about switching his classes around. I do wish you could see his black eyes though." Liam smiles and my eyes snap to the front of the room. I want to deny that I was looking for Zayn but I know I can't. Zayn had a black eye? I hope he is okay, no I don't actually, I hope it hurts like hell.

"Oh, okay." I mumble and pick at my jeans. Liam doesn't mention Zayn for the rest of the class.

The rest of the week is the exact same way, I don't talk about Zayn to anyone and no one mentions him to me. Steph almost slips a few times but quickly recovers and moves on. Tristan has been hanging out in our room all week but I don't mind, I actually really like him and he makes Steph laugh, and even I found myself laughing a few times during what seems to be the worst week of my life. I have been wearing whatever is clean and just leaving my hair the way it was. I am back to my normal routine. Sleep, class, study, eat, sleep, class, study, eat.

"Come on Niall, it's Friday, just come with us and we will drop you back off before we go to Za.. I mean the party." Steph begs and I shake my head. I don't feel like doing anything, I need to study and call my mother. I have been dodging her calls all week and I want to call Noah and find out if he has made a decision. I have been giving him his space all week, only sending him a few texts in hopes that he will come around. I really want him to come to the bonfire next Friday.

"I think I will pass... I am going to look at cars tomorrow, I need my rest." I half lie. I really am going to look at cars tomorrow but I won't be getting rest sitting here alone with my thoughts. I should feel resolved, besides Noah's uncertainty of our relationship. At least I don't have to worry about Zayn anymore. He was obviously serious about staying away from me and I am glad. I just can't shake him from my thoughts, I just need more time. I keep telling myself. The way he tried to act like he wanted something from me, maybe even date me, got under my skin.

My thoughts drift off to a place where Zayn was pleasant and funny, and we got along. A place where we could date, really date, and he would take me out to the movies or to dinner. He would put his arm around me and be proud that I was his, he would drape his jacket over my shoulders if I was cold and kiss me goodnight, promising me that he would see me tomorrow.

"Niall?" Steph says and my thoughts disappear with a puff of smoke. That wasn't reality and the boy in my daydream would never be Zayn.

"Oh come on, you have been wearing those fuzzy cloud pants all week." Tristan teases and I laugh. These pants are my favorite to wear to bed, especially when I am sick, or like this week going through a break up or two, I am still confused on how Zayn and I ended something that was nothing.

"Okay. Okay, I will come but I need you to drop me off right after dinner because I have studying to do and I have to get up early." I warn them and Steph claps her hands and jumps up and down.

"Yay! Just let me make you look like you haven't been hiding out in pajamas all day." She smiles and Tristan tries to stifle his laugh.

"Fine," I give in and she claps again.