Lena and her mom spent their lunch crying. Kahit kakaunti ang tao sa loob ng restaurant at nasa pinakang-sulok sila, alam nilang may mga napapatingin pa rin. It was hard for her to share her burden with her mother. Masyado na itong maraming alalahanin. But at the same time, not doing so would ruin her in a long run. And it might also ruin her relationship with her family.
She felt significantly lighter after telling her mom everything. Pakiramdam niya ay mas naging malapit pa sila sa isa't isa. Kahit mugto na ang mga mata nila pareho ay nagawa na rin nilang ngumiti sa wakas. She knew this wasn't it. Hindi pa ito ang huli. Alam niyang may mga araw pa rin na malulungkot siya. But at least she knows now that she won't be alone fighting it again. Sana nga lamang ay magkalakas siya ng loob na humingi ng tulong kung kailangan. God knows how many people succumbed to depression just because they couldn't find the right person to share the burden with.
After the dramatic lunch, the shopping became a bit fun. Madalas pa ring napapatingin sa pulso niya ang ina at mukha pa ring hindi ito sanay sa mga peklat niya, na para bang anumang oras ay iiyak ito, pero sinusubukan nitong magmukhang matatag para sa kanya. Her mom would smile to put her mind at ease. Kapag may iba namang taong napapatingin, nagiging alerto ito, na para bang handa siyang dipensahan kung sakali man na may sumubok na husgahan siya.
They ended up buying five dresses, all of which are either blue or pink. Her mom's an expert in buying dresses. She knew what cut and shape would fit her best. It was hard for her to process the fact that her mom wasn't like this before. Kagaya rin daw niya ito dati. Hilig lang ng daddy niya na ibili ito ng mga dress kaya kalaunan ay puro ganoon na lamang ang sinusuot nito. She rarely sees her mom in pants.
She also brought her two pairs of heels and a pair of flat sandals. Palagi raw kasi siyang naka-chucks. Tapos ay bumili pa ito ng mga underwear at sleeveless tops na iba't iba ang kulay. She had to admit that she needed the underwear. Nahihiya kasi siyang bumili noon nang mag-isa kaya hinahayaan niyang ang ina ang bumili para sa kanya.
After the tedious shopping, the two rested at one café for a while. Since the scar talk was a bit depressing, her mom decided to open a lighter topic for their next conversation. And what better way to lighten their mood than talk about the men of their lives?
"Sabi ni Ninang, hindi raw si Dad ang first love mo, mommy. Is that true?"
Her godmother likes to tell her stories about her parents. Ito kasi ang kasama ng mga magulang niya simula sa simula kaya alam na alam nito ang bawat detalye ng love story ng dalawa. She did mention to her, a few times, na hindi raw ang daddy niya ang first love ng mommy niya, which she found hard to believe. It was hard for her to accept that, dahil iba ang nakikita niya sa tuwing titingnan niya ang mga magulang.
"No, he was my first love, and still is. He's my only love," her mom replied. "I thought I was in love with someone else before. Fixated lang pala ako. I was in love with the idea of my love for this other guy because he's the personification of all my ideals. Parang lahat ng gusto ko sa lalaki, nasa kanya na. But your father made me realize that love isn't about ideals."
"You talk like you're still so in love with Dad."
"I am," nakangiti nitong sagot.
"When did you realize that you're really in love with him, and not the other guy?"
"When I went to the states to work," her mom answered. "But I guess I've always known. Ayaw ko lang aminin sa sarili ko kasi pakiramdam ko, hindi tama. That I should be in love with this other guy instead. Because it wasn't like me to fall in love with someone like your dad. He's too perfect... and at the same time, too flawed. I didn't know where to put him. And I didn't know what to do with him. It was a scary feeling and I didn't want anything to do with it. Pero minsan talaga, kung ano pa 'yong ayaw mo, syang ibibigay sa 'yo. And eventually, you'll know why. It will all make sense after some time."
