So hold quick, you're fading right
In the cold trick of the night
--One Love by Marianas Trench
--
It's been days since Lena moved in with her family again. Simula noon ay hindi pa niya sinasagot ang mga tawag ni Cyrus. Nakapatay pa rin ang phone niya.
Wala siyang ginawa buong maghapon kundi matulog at tumunganga. If she won't die of starvation, then she probably wouldn't eat. Wala siyang gana. Sapilitan lang siyang kumakain. Ilang beses na nga siyang napagalitan ng mga magulang dahil palagi siyang nagmumukmok.
"Why won't you talk to him?" Kenna asked one day. "Kung hindi mo sya kakausapin, mas lalo mo syang mami-miss. Mas lalo kang malulungkot."
"I'll miss him more if I talk to him," she reasoned out.
Talking to Cyrus on the phone would only remind her that he's far away and they're not together anymore. But she wondered what he's thinking at that moment. Ano kaya ang iniisip nito sa hindi niya pagsagot ng mga tawag nito? She's been so focused on shielding herself from the hurt that she had forgotten to consider his feelings as well.
But he's stronger than me, she argued. And he also has something to busy himself with.
"Pumunta ka rin kaya ng Dubai, Ate?" her sister suggested.
She shook her head. She already thought of that, but it's a bad idea. Ano naman ang gagawin niya sa Dubai? Paniguradong kapag nandoon siya, siya lamang ang iintindihin ni Cyrus. Magiging pabigat lamang siya.
"You shouldn't have told him to leave if you can't be without him," pangaral nito.
"But that would be selfish of me."
"You're being selfish now. He must be so worried about you."
She was about to counter that when their help approached.
"May naghahanap sa 'yo," sabi nito sa kanya.
It was silly of her to think that it's Cyrus, but a girl can dream, right? Unfortunately, it wasn't him. It was Cadence, still in her uniform.
"Hi, Ate Lena," bati nito. "Kumusta na?"
"Okay naman," sagot niya. She tried her best to look presentable. Kahapon pa yata ang huling suklay niya ng buhok. "Napadalaw ka?"
"Kuya's been worried. Apat na araw ka na raw nyang hindi nakakausap. May problema ba kayo?"
Kenna gave her a look before heading outside.
"Wala naman," pagsisinungaling niya. "I was just... uhm... busy. A-And I lost my phone's charger."
"Wala kang mahiraman?" tanong nito. "Wala kang laptop?"
Naupo ito sa tabi niya.
"Ate naman... alalang-alala na si Kuya sa 'yo. Bakit ba kasi iniiwasan mo sya? Do you know that he wants to come home just to see if you're okay?"
Nagyuko siya ng ulo. Everyone's scolding her. Pakiramdam tuloy niya'y ang sama-sama niyang tao. This makes her feel undeserving of his love. She couldn't keep up with what's happening in his life. He's already moving forward, and she's being left behind, but she's not doing anything to advance. He's continually getting better, while she's still stuck in the place where he left her. If they end up together, she's afraid that she'll just pull him back and drag him down.
"I'm going to call him. Don't go anywhere, okay?" Cadence told her.
"Wala ba syang pasok?"
"Ate, it's Saturday. He doesn't have work today."
