Chapter 1. Accidents Happen

Chapter 7. Oh How I Hate Trash Day

 I didn’t bother going to dinner last night. I couldn’t handle facing him. I knew he would see that there was something wrong. Jen would too. He would either think that I was upset by not getting knocked up, or hiding something else. Either way, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep lying to him about this. I stood up from my bed and over to my bathroom. I pulled my hair out of its ponytail and shook it loose, my wavy brown hair falling below my shoulders. I brushed it out and laughed as my hair created static. I put my robe on over my pajamas and slipped on my house slippers as I headed down the stairs. I smiled as I walked into the kitchen. Yet another Sunday. Lucy was cooking breakfast and Jen was cleaning up what little mess there was. I could only laugh at the thought of Jen having OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). She was a very, strict and neat person. Although she hated it, I knew deep down inside she believed it was true as well. “Morning Al’s” She said, wiping down the counter one last time. I nodded and poured myself a cup of coffee. “Morning.” I smiled. It was weird. Last night I was drowning in tears, this morning, I’m bathing in smiles. Damn mood swings. Jen stopped what she was doing and laughed at me when she realized me putting my third teaspoon of sugar into the mug. “What? You know I hate strong coffee.” I laughed, pouring in the creamer. “You need to buy more of that French Vanilla stuff. It’s really good.” I said, taking a seat on the stool. Jen rolled her eyes playfully and tossed the wipe into the trash. “What’s for breakfast Luce?” She asked, sitting next to me. “German pancakes.” She smiled. Jens eyes widened as she hopped off the stool and to the fridge. “YAY!” She cheered. I glanced at them oddly. “What are German pancakes?” I asked, taking a sip of my coffee. Jen pulled out a few lemons and the powdered sugar as she explained. “Only the most delicious breakfast you will ever have!” She laughed, for a minute I thought she was playing around but I realized she was dead serious. “Well what is it?” I asked again. She waved her hand around while she sliced up some lemon wedges. “Its really good you just have to believe me.” {Authors Note: German Pancakes are BOMB!! lol you have to Google them. They are Uh-MAZE-ing bhaha} After about another half hour or so the timer finally buzzed. Lucy placed a serving plate of eggs and bacon on the table and went back to the oven and got out a pan. It looked as if she cooked a plain beige colored sombrero. I watched as she poked it, forcing it to deflate. I had to say, it looked really good. “Okay, here.” Jen said, cutting me a piece. She sprinkled some powdered sugar and squeezed a lemon wedge on it before handing it to me. “Are you sure this is good?” I asked. She rested her hand on her hip, shifting her weight to one leg. “Alyson. You ate snails before and you’re asking me if THIS is good?” She laughed. I rolled my eyes and dug in. “So?” She asked, Lucy anticipating beside her. I nodded taking another bite. “This is amazingly delicious.” I laughed. Jen smiled and looked behind me. “Good morning babe. Lucy made German pancakes for breakfast.” He smiled and kissed her forehead, reaching for a plate. “Delicious. Morning guys.” He said, grabbing himself a slice. Lucy smiled at him and I mumbled a short “Morning.” He stood next to Jen and nodded toward me. “The sleepy head is finally awake!” He joked. I rolled my eyes and took another bite of my eggs. Jen turned to Justin and smirked at him. “You are soo mean.” She laughed, kissing him quickly. I looked out the window and finished up the rest of my coffee before setting my dishes in the sink. I didn’t even bother looking back at the “happy couple”. I washed my dishes quickly and smiled at Lucy. “That was amazing Luce. Thanks.” I said. She nodded, obviously pleased with my reaction as I headed toward the stairs. I saw Jen laughing in Justin’s arms right before I disappeared out of sight. I went up to my room and lay on my bed. I rubbed my thumb against my stomach and thought. I had realized that I’ve been doing that a lot recently. Thinking. Sleeping. Skipping meals. But, I had a lot to think about really. The baby, what was going to happen between me and Justin when he found out. What was going to happen when Jen found out? I ran a hand through my hair and continued doodling tiny shapes on my flat stomach. Next week I would have to go to my gynecologist to see how far along I was. I decided that once I was starting to show, I would just leave. No explanations. No warnings. I would pack up the night before and go back home. It sounds like a good plan right? I mean, really I couldn’t go up to Justin and say “Hey, Justin, listen I lied about saying I wasn’t pregnant with your child. Turns out, I always was! Oh but that’s not it. I’m also running away with him/her and never seeing you again!” It would just be… wrong… in a way. But it was kinda funny. I pushed away the thought and felt my eye lids getting heavy. Being pregnant is like going into hibernation. I opened them and glanced over, surplrised, at Jen, standing in my doorway. “Where’d you go?” She asked, sitting on my swivel chair. I sat up and shrugged, tugging at a split end, pulling it out. I yawned softly and turned toward her. “Jen?” I asked. She nodded at me, letting me know that she was ready to listen. I was so close to telling her. Spilling everything. Something in me wanted her to know. It wanted me to shout it out to her, make her hear the truth. But then, it also wanted me to leave Justin after everything was done and over with. “Never mind, it’s nothing.” I sighed, I can’t do it. She shook her head. “You’re lying, Alyson. I’m your best friend. You don’t think I don’t see when you’re lying? I know every time. I’m not pushing it away this time. What is it?” She said, sitting next to me. I shook my head and looked away, tears forming at my eyes. How hard could it be to choke out two words. Two words that would explain everything. Those two words that I owed to her. That she needed to know. “I’m…” I trailed off. “I’m sorry.” I said. {Haha I bet some of you thought something else} “For what Aly?” She asked, pulling me into a hug. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The tears flowed right out of me. I no longer had the will of hiding this from her. I couldn’t do it. I had to let her know. “I did something wrong. And I don’t know how to fix it.” I sobbed. “What is it Aly?” She repeated, comfort and serenity seeping into her tone of voice. “I’m… pregnant.” I whispered. I looked over at her and waited for her reaction. She just nodded, standing up. “I knew. I always knew.” She said. I looked at her oddly, the tears stopped. “I know about you and Justin.” She said, anger fueling her voice. My eyes swelled with tears once again. “I’m sorry Jen. I’m sorry.” I said, repeating it over and over again. I wanted her to believe me. I wanted her to know that I wouldn’t have done it. I wanted her to know that I was truly and sincerely sorry. For everything. She shook her head and left. “I’m sorry Jen! I’m so sorry!” I screamed, falling to the ground. I woke up to a thump. I fell out of my bed. It was all just a dream. All of it. I held my hand to my face and felt tears running down my cheeks. I was crying. I crawled back onto my bed and clutched my pillow close to my body, letting out all of the tears in me. Sobbing insufferably loud. “I’m sorry.” I hyperventilated. I couldn’t do anything. It hurt me so much to know that I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t tell her. She would never know. I couldn’t do anything. I got up slowly and walked into my bathroom, staring at my reflection. I washed my face with cold water, forcing myself to wake up fully. My eyes were red and extremely puffy. How long had I been crying? Dreaming? How much of it was real. I looked at the clock hanging beside the mirror. 3:39 in the afternoon. I remembered. I fell asleep after breakfast. I fixed up my bed slowly. My pillow was damp with tears. After making sure that my eyes weren’t noticeable any longer, I went back downstairs. I heard a movie playing in the theater room and poked my head in. Jen was resting her head on Justin’s shoulder as they kept their focus on the screen. Now’s the time Aly. They’ll never expect it. You can leave a note. You can tell them that it was a last minute thing. You can leave. I walked to the garage door and grabbed the keys to my rental car. I snuck out the front door and took a seat on the last step. I ran a hand through my hair and looked out toward the extended driveway. If what I dreamed would really happen. Would I still go along with it? Would I be willing to handle that? What if she really did know all this time? That would explain her distant stares, her faded smiles, everything. I got up and started walking over to my car. I unlocked it quickly and got in. I didn’t have to think twice. I started the car and left, only stopping to open the gate. I kept driving, driving to nowhere in particular. My phone rang beside me. I hadn’t realized I even brought it with me really. I hesitated before answering it. “Hello?” I breathed. “Hey, Aly where are you? We’ve been looking for you. We wanted to know if you wanted to come with us to lunch.” Jen asked. I shook my head. “I’m uh… not at home right now. I went to go get a few things. You guys go on without me. I’ll find something to eat back at the house.” I explained. I pulled in front of a random drug store and put the car in park. “Alright. We’ll miss ya Aly. Love ya.” She said before hanging up. I smiled faintly and looked down at the phone in my hand. “You can do this Aly.” I stepped out of the car and locked it, pulling my hair into a tight, messy bun. As I opened the door, a soft bell rang. I walked to the back of the store and stared at all of the pregnancy tests, condoms, pills. Everything that I’ve probably wasted enough of my life on. My hand reached out for that small familiar box. Plan B it read in bold blue letters. I froze. “Don’t.” A voice rang in my head. “Don’t do this Alyson. It’s not worth it.” I stayed there, my hand outstretched for the box. I felt myself retract my arm. The next thing I knew, I was pulling back into the Bieber driveway. I parked my car back in its spot and went up to my room. I walked into my bathroom and lifted my shirt up partially. You couldn’t tell. It was like it wasn’t even there, but yet it was. This tiny little person, growing with every second inside of me. I stripped down and hopped into the shower. I felt the warm beads of water trickle down me, the steam flooding my sight. I just stood there, letting myself soak in the running shower. By the time I got out it was nearly seven o’clock. I slipped on fresh pajamas and headed downstairs to the kitchen. The last thing I ate was breakfast, I was starving. I got out a bowl and the milk. I poured myself some Frosted Flakes and sat on the bar stool once again. Once I finished, I went back up to my room, falling down onto my bed. I turned on the TV and surfed through all of the channels. I paused at TMZ. “We got Justin and Jennifer Bieber on their one year anniversary dinner.” They announced. I quickly switched the channel as the picture of Jen and Justin pulled onto the screen. I absent-mindedly flipped through everything else. Only one thing on my mind. I wasn’t just going to hurt myself by leaving. I would be hurting Jen. I shut the TV off and lay back down on my bed. Soon enough, I was asleep again. I woke up slightly to the garage door opening. Justin and Jen were home. I closed my eyes tightly without giving it a second thought. {Next Morning!} “Justin! It’s trash day!” Jen called out. Her sudden shout abruptly waking me up. I opened my eyes slowly and turned around. I felt nauseous once again. I fought the urge and clenched my jaw shut. Jen walked in slowly, tippy toeing in half way before realizing that I was awake. “Oh. You’re up.” She laughed. She balanced back on her feet and leaned against my door way. She held a large black trash bag in one hand, a glove in the other. “What’s up?” I asked her, my voice soft and tired. “Just taking out your trash.” She said, raising the bag in the air. I managed to let out a small laugh as I stood up, the nausea slowly fading away. “I’ll get it.” I said, heading over to the bathroom. She nodded followed closely behind me. I picked up the small trash and dumped it quickly into the large bag. I heard a tiny clink on the ground and our eyes quickly looked down. “Alyson?” She asked, her voice shaky. I stood straight, a sudden chill running up my spine. Damn it. It couldn’t have been. “Ye-” “What the hell is this?” She asked, picking up a small plastic stick from the ground. Shit. She held it up in front of me. I took a second glance and noticed what she held. “It’s a pregnancy test.” I answered, dumbfounded. Obviously wanting to avoid this conversation. “And what is it doing in your trash?” She asked. “Are you pregnant Aly?” She asked, sincerely. I couldn’t help but think of my dream. I couldn’t help but thing about how she would react. I didn’t have to explain. She knew. I could already tell. I took it from her and tossed it into the bag. “What happened?” She sighed, setting the bag of trash down. “Nothing.” I said, taking the bag and walking over to my door. She stumbled over to my bed and sat down on it, almost falling off. “How did I not see this? That’s why you were vomiting everywhere. That’s why you were so tired. I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend over here. You rarely leave the house.” She asked herself. I wanted to say something, I just didn’t know what. I was sort of relieved that she didn’t mention anything about Justin. She rambled on and on about how oblivious she was to the situation. She paused in midsentence and popped up quickly. “Who’s the father?” She urged. “Just- Just a one night fling. It happened like a month ago.” I said, saving myself from almost destroying my life. She circled her hand, pushing me to tell more. “It’s nothing Jen. Just drop it.” I said; falling down, face first, into my bed. “Nothing?! For Christ’s sake Alyson! You’re pregnant!!” She said, nearly shouting. I put my hand over her mouth and sat her back down. “Shut up Jennifer! I don’t want the whole world to know!” I hissed. She pushed away my hand and gave me an odd stare. “No one is going to hear me. Justin is the only one in the house.” I shook my head. “I don’t want anyone to know. Okay Jen? Can I please trust you not to tell him?” She shrugged. “I honestly don’t see what you’re so upset about. So you’re pregnant! What’s wrong with Justin knowing that?” She asked. I shrugged. “I just don’t want people to know.” I sighed. She nodded, understanding, and left to finish collecting the trash. “I won’t say anything.” She said before she left. I sat there on the edge of my bed thinking up until they called me down for dinner. “Since you slept through two dinner’s, I decided to make Spaghetti tonight.” Justin laughed, handing me a plateful of spaghetti. I set it down at the table and began eating once everyone was seated. “How about some wine?” Justin offered. My eyes widened as I met Jen’s glance. “None for me.” I said, taking another bite. Justin chuckled and got out three wine glasses. “Come on, Aly, why not?” He asked. “I don’t drink often.” I said. He rolled his eyes. “Sure you don’t. That’s why Jen has all of those stories of you getting the most hung over and the most hammered when you guys went out?” He laughed. He searched around for the bottle of red wine. “I’ll uh... I’ll get it hun.” Jen said, standing up. She grabbed our glasses and headed across the room to the bar. “Take a seat babe I got it.” She assured him. Justin nodded. When she came back and set the glass in front of me. “Cranberry Juice.” She whispered as she handed Justin his glass. I smiled at her and nodded, taking a sip. “So Aly… where’d you go earlier?” Justin asked, eating away at his food. I shrugged, taking a mouthful for myself. “Nowhere really. Just went out for a drive. Thinking. I guess.” I said, swallowing. He nodded slightly. Dinner was quiet. I tuned out all of Justin’s questions and Jen’s remarks to get him to shut up. I shrugged it off and finished my plate. I felt another rush of nausea. I picked up my empty dish and rushed it over to the sink. Jen followed shortly behind. “Hey, you okay?” She asked. I held my mouth shut and nodded quickly. I forced the feeling down and wiped my face. “I hate this.” I whined. She looked at me, understanding. “It’s going to be okay Aly. You’re gonna be fine. I promise.” She smiled. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to trust that everything was going to be okay. But it wasn’t. I knew it would never be okay. I hated knowing that I would lose them. Everything was spinning. The room, my mind, my thoughts. I couldn’t handle this. Maybe I should have left when I wanted to. Maybe leaving was the right thing to do. For everyone. “Does the dad know?” Jen asked, snapping me back into reality. I shook my head. “No. And I don’t think he’s going to know Jen. Please. I trust you. Please don’t say anything.” I begged. “Aly, I won’t. But I want to help. You can’t do this on your own Al’s. You can’t be a single mother. It’s going to be a lot harder than you think. You’re twenty-two. There is no way in hell that you’re ready to give up everything that you have.” She explained. I nodded. I knew what she meant. I knew everything that I would have to risk and give up for all of this. My life had just started, and now it was ending faster than I would have ever imagined. By the time I could get my life back in order, my kid will be eighteen, and I’ll be thirty-nine. I couldn’t drink, party with the rest of my friends, go back to work, or even see my best friend again. Leaving has always been part of the plan for me. I just never knew how hard it would be for me to leave them. He couldn’t know I was pregnant. And she couldn’t know that I was having her husband’s child. “How about I fix you up with someone? You remember Ryan?” She asked, washing a few dishes. “Skateboarding dude?” I laughed, remembering the night I met him. She nodded, laughing as well. “Yeah. Well… he’s been asking about you. And I think you two really hit if off at the rehearsal dinner, the wedding too. Do you think you’d want to... you know… go on a date with him?” She asked. Great. This wasn’t just fixing me up for a one night thing, or to see if I could really see myself with him in a serious relationship. She wanted me to find someone willing to raise this child with me. I shook my head. “No. Jen I’m not doing that. I’m not going to ask him to raise a child with me! Are you crazy?” I laughed. She shook her head quickly. “No. No. NO Aly I’m not asking you to do that. I’m just asking you to have it as an option. If you ever decide to go out there again… and you realize that you’re going to need help, maybe Ryan is the one you’re looking for. I mean, he loves kids and he really likes you. I’ve never had him ask about anyone as much as he’s asked for you. And believe me. He’s fallen for a few girls. Never as hard as he’s fallen for you though.” She grinned. I shook my head again. “Not doing that. If I’m raising this baby, I don’t want him or her relying on different dad’s if we end up badly. I just can’t put them through that. I’d rather have him grow up strong and healthy with his mom, than emotionally detached with different dads every year.” I joked. Jen rolled her eyes and finished washing the dishes. “Just make sure you know what you’re getting into before you go in alone. It’s hard. I’ve witnessed it a lot more than I would want to, but I have and… most of these single moms admit that life would have been easier if they did have someone there for them. Whether it was a husband, a boyfriend, or even a friend. They needed that help.” She said. I looked out the nearest window and listened as she continued. I wish I knew exactly what I was looking for. I wasn’t just looking for a guy. I wasn’t looking for support. I was looking for a way out. A way into a different world. A way to finally be happy.