detachment ✔

28

If I could describe Downtown Eastside tonight, I wouldn't be able to put it into words. It seems like almost everyone is on the street tonight, hanging outside bar doors, buzzing with energy and the sounds of glasses clinking loudly amongst the sound of cars speeding by. It seems like the good weather is returning, which means that winter is almost over. But the level of excitement of everyone doesn't seem to match mine, as I have an increasing gut feeling that something bad has happened. I don't know why, but most of the time I feel like something is bothering me, and it's always there in the back of my mind.

I open the door to Oasis, getting glares from all the gay men at the bar, some of them wearing such little amount of clothing it makes them uncomfortable when they see me. I hope they know I'm here for my cousin, not to mingle. I make my way past the loud crowd at the entrance, walking towards the back of the bar where Felix should be. But when I don't see him behind the counter, serving drinks, my heart begins to leap out of my chest. Something is wrong, I know it. I look around desperately, feeling everyone's eyes on me. Suddenly, the back of Thomas' head catches my eye and I approach him quickly, just as if I was looking for him.

"Hey, is Felix here?" I ask as he turns around, his brows furrowed.

"Sorry, who are you?" Thomas asks uncomfortably.

"Uh, I'm Felix's cousin?" I say, sounding more like a question.

"Oh, you're Shana?"

"Yeah." I say, used to the fact that everyone refers to me as Shana. Being Shana makes me stronger, less sensitive. It makes me feel like no one owns me, like I'm independent. But being Shana makes me forget that Dylan is at home waiting for me to come back.

"Felix went to get some stuff from storage." he says, wiping a glass of beer with a towel.

"Can I go see him?" I ask, feeling like I'm being a pain in the ass.

"Sure." he says, almost hesitating. He leaves the glass on the counter, along with the towel, and takes me to the storage room, just at the very back of the bar. The smell of cannabis immediately hits my nose, as well as other stronger smells that I recognise from experience. I make my way down the little path, following Thomas until we reach the storage door on the back of the building. I wait until Thomas is out of sight before opening the door, the smell of dust, rotting food and rat poison hitting me in an instant. Most of Downtown Eastside smells like garbage, and I'm used to it. I sneeze from the dust, making Felix, who is opening boxes, jump from the fright.

"Fuck! Tessa, Jesus Christ."

"Sorry, 'was the dust." I say, standing uncomfortably as he continues taking out bottles of liquor from the box. "Why aren't you picking up my calls?"

"I answered. I'm just busy, Tess." Felix says, his back still to me.

"I see that, yeah. But you can talk to me, Fe."

"There's nothing to talk about, really." He insists, sighing.

"Let me see your face." I say, trying to turn him around.

"Piss off!" Felix yells, swatting my arm away.

"Turn around!" I exclaim, forcing him to look at me. But my mouth drops when I see his face covered in purple bruises, his lips swollen and cut. "Felix! What the fuck happened to you?"

"It's nothing!" he yells angrily, turning back around to continue unpacking bottles.

"Felix, you're gonna tell me what happened."

"Tessa, seriously. Forget it."

"No, I'm not gonna fucking forget it." I snap.

"I don't wanna talk about it."