detachment ✔

30

Dylan

"I promise you, I won't let him hurt you ever again." I say, placing my hand over her warm leg. I know she's paranoid about Josh, but there's a bigger problem to deal with right now. I haven't been able to shake the thought from my mind at all, and I know she can tell it's bothering me.

"I don't know if I can handle it... Just seeing him brought me weak to my knees. I can usually handle things like that, but I can't handle Josh." she says, her tone weak and desperate. If I could punch this fucker in the face right now I'd do it, for hurting her in such a way that even years later she still has scars, but he's probably back in his mansion in Toronto by this point.

What the hell was he even doing here?

"I know you can't, and I understand why. I'm going to make sure he won't hurt you." I say, wanting her to just forget it ever happened. The more she thinks about it the worse it'll get, like everything in life.

"I'm scared." she says, and I know she is. I don't blame her, really. If my crazy psychotic ex was after me, I'd be shitting myself too.

"I understand." I say, sighing. I just want to drop this subject altogether, because Josh is irrelevant. Fear and anxiety have been kicking in in strong blows for the past hours now, because I don't know if I can tell her about what happened this morning. I don't know how she will handle this, or how she will react. But one thing's for sure, she's not going to take it well.

"You seem distant." Tessa says, meeting my gaze briefly as she interrupts the moment of silence. I don't want to tell her yet, I know she's worried enough about her abusive ex already. I don't know if she'll be able to handle the truth, especially right now that she's unstable.

I can't stay here any longer, because I'm going to end up telling her the whole story, and she's not ready.

"I just need some air." I say, rising from the couch. I grab the empty bottle of beer, dumping it in the trash before putting my coat on.

"Okay..." Tessa says. I can clearly tell she's upset with me because I'm leaving her when she's going through a crisis, but I've done all that I could. I'll make sure she'll be okay, because I'm not letting this dickhead destroy her ever again. As bad as I feel about leaving her, I know that her crisis could buy me some time to sort shit out.

"Bye, Tess." I say, meeting her broken gaze for a second from across the room before shutting the door.

I know it was the ugliest thing leaving Tessa home alone when she's paranoid about Josh, but I need to handle this situation on my own. Anxiety flows through my whole body like currents of water swirling around and around. I walk down the empty streets of Downtown Eastside in the direction of The Dime, my hands deep in my pockets as I try evening out my breaths. Homeless people litter every corner like unused, neglected toys, and every single time, I feel nothing but pity. Some people have it worse, but that doesn't mean my situation is nothing at all.

Most people don't understand that, they think that happiness means having everything such as a roof over your head or a bed to sleep in. But in fact, depression is stimulated by looking at the things you want to have, but know you can't.

I turn the corner, finally catching a glimpse of The Silver Dime, the place where I used to turn to when I needed a break from Ashley. I still wonder how she's doing, but Tessa says she trusts Tyler, and therefore I trust her judgement. Tyler and I used to be inseparable until our arguments, but nevertheless, I trust him.

As usual, The Dime is full of people you really don't want to mess with; drug addicts and punks, who seem scarier than usual tonight. It's three A.M. now, which surprises me that there are so many people here. I make my way to the counter, bumping over someone and accidentally spilling their drink. I mutter an apology before taking a seat on the bar stools, my eyes examining the room with the hope of finding who I'm looking for.