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34

The docks has always been my favourite place to stay after dark, mainly because of the way the city lights from across the channel seem to blink on the icy cold water of the river, like small, delicate glitter particles. My eyes scan the entrance to the docks, the smell of the rust reminding me of how raw this place is. Pushing the fence open, I quickly turn my head around to make sure no one is following me, just seconds before I close the gate again. The Docks are supposed to be off limits, but how can you impose regulations in a place like Downtown Eastside? The location of it is perfectly arranged, right on the border of the industrial area, where Felix and I used to live.

The thought of Felix still pricks tears to my eyes, mainly because everything reminds me of him. Although DTES is a total shithole, Felix never complained. I remember after my arrival back home from New York, the first thing I did was notice the filth of the area, but Felix just muttered and said it was reality, the one that most people have to face. I guess poverty can be seen in different forms, some people lack money; others are missing something inside them.

But although Felix didn't complain about where life took him, he never really liked the Docks. It wasn't always like that, in fact, we used to come out here and talk for hours. But after an incident with a group of people, where they were shoved underwater to drown just a few metres away from him, he refused to ever come back here.

I guess Felix avoided a lot of places in the past year and a half, mainly because everything was starting to remind him of a bad memory. Which is why he was always pleased when we went to Ontario for a trip; because he wanted to get out of there. He wanted to breathe fresh air and escape the madness in Downtown Eastside.

I check the time on my phone, sighing when I see that neither Dylan nor Tyler have messaged me. Dylan is right, no matter what happened to Felix. But I'm scared of seeking help- of finally opening up to someone. I had to earn the greatest deal of courage to just tell Dylan everything, so how can I confide in a stranger?

I suddenly hear the sound of the metal fence opening, my eyes lighting up when I make out Tyler's tall and lean body in the distance. Tyler waves at me, and I return the gesture awkwardly as I remain seated at the edge of the pier. He approaches me and takes a seat beside me before bringing me to his chest.

"Tessa, I'm so sorry." he says, hardly able to make out his expression in the darkness.

"I need to ask you something." I say, my tone emotionless.

"Anything."

"Did you know about... His suicide?"

"Oh, Tessa..." he says, and I suddenly realise he knows my real name.

"You knew?! What the hell is wrong with you, why didn't you tell me?" I exclaim, my anger beginning to bubble up inside me for a few seconds before getting up. I can't believe the two people I thought I could trust, lied to my face about something as serious as this. As I'm about to leave, Tyler grabs my arm gently, but it's enough to make me stop.

"I couldn't tell you because I knew you were in a bad place." he says, similarly to Dylan. But, I can't believe they both knew, even if they aren't friends?

"Did you and Dylan plan this wicked shit together?" I hiss, jerking him away briskly.

"We talked about it at the funeral. It had to be done, it was for your best." he says in a calm tone, but I still feel fucking humiliated by what they did to me. Everyone probably fucking knew, except me. The only relative he had. But I bite my tongue, because I just don't want to keep running away from everyone.

Tyler takes a seat beside me again, and we both sit in silence as we stare at the river for a few minutes.

"You both humiliated me."