Idiots At War

Chapter 1 - The Beginning of the Waffle

"Jamaica is a fun thang, Jamaica... Jamaica lives in MEHICO, Jamaica... Corn is a vegetable, Jamaica... He's in Jamaica, JA-MAI-CAAAAAAA!" I sang as I washed myself in the shower. It was a genius song, a song I wrote. It was called "Corn in Jamaica" and I wrote it for Corn as a gift. 

As I sang and danced and washed my hair, I noticed something WEIRD. My bracelet was missing. My very special one. The one that was made just for MEEHH. I got out of the shower and walked into the hallway to look for it.
"AH! Dude, put some clothes on! And you're getting the carpet wet!" my twin sister yelled as I walked toward my bedroom.
"Chill out sis, relax. I lost something, I need to find it," I soothed her.
"WELL PUT SOME CLOTHES ON FIRST YOU MORON!" she shouted, trying not to look at me.
"Fine, I get it, I'm doing it." I sighed as I walked past her. I walked into my room, closed the door and grabbed some underwear out of my awesome walk-in closet. I put a pair of basketball shorts on over them and slung a towel over my shoulder. I walked around my room while drying off my hair, looking for where my precious bracelet could be.
"Hey, Lil? Do you know where my bracelet is?" I hollered.
"The black one? Yeah it's in the laundry room. You left it in your jeans."
"Kay, thanks!" I yelled and walked out of my room and to the other end of the hall. And yes. My sister does my laundry. I opened the laundry room door and looked around for my child. I found it sitting on top of the dryer.
"Aw did you miss me, darling?"
I picked it up and rubbed it against my cheek. The soft leather cuddled MEEHH in a leathery kind of way, then I slipped it back on my left wrist.
"Hmm..." I thought. "I'm craving fries."
I trekked back to my room and picked up my phone. I called up Corn and glanced at my watch. "Hey dude! Come pick me up. I want some lunch."
"L, it's 9 pm."
"So?"
"You're dumb, but I'm on my way." Corn hung up on me like I was some kind of idiot.
"Well someone's in a bad mood..." I muttered. "Hey Lil, I'm hanging out with Corn for awhile."
"Corn? Oh, you mean Jay. Okay then."
"Sis his name's Corn!" I whined.
"RIGHT, like your name's L, or Merkulova, or Kangaroo," she said sarcastically.
"Those are my names!" I argued.
"Ian, you're ridiculous."
"That's not my name!" I yelled, and angrily walked out the front door. I stomped down the apartment staircase and sat down on a bench to wait for Corn to show up.

"Stupid sister..." I grumbled.
It didn't take Corn long to arrive in his beat up Jeep. I didn't have to open the door to get in, for there was no door. It had fallen off when we tried to drive over a ditch. He also lost both of his front tires and pretty much the whole hood of the Jeep in that accident as well. Most of the things were repaired, but he hadn't even bothered to fix the door yet.
"What am I, your limo driver?" he asked grumpily.
"Yeah, until I get another car." DON'T ASK ABOUT THE CAR.
"Where do you wanna go L?"
"Let's go get some Wendy's. I want fries," I said.
"Okay... And where's your shirt? Go get one!"
I quickly ran in the apartment and grabbed a black T shirt. When I got back in the Jeep, Corn drove down the street and pulled out of the apartment complex. I plugged in my phone and put the radio on AUX. Then I picked my favorite song and turned it up real loud.
"Bow wow wow, dun dunun..." I sang along to the opening guitar solo and rocked my head back and forth. "DUN DUN BOW NERRRRRR!"
"L!" Corn yelled in annoyance.
"Shh, it's almost starting." I waited a second longer then started singing along to the first verse. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR ARROGANCE! YOU MAKE ME SIIIIIIIIIIIICK!" I was totally rocking out to the screamo when we pulled up to fry land (Wendy's). Corn shut off the engine and got out of the Jeep, forcing off my jam.
"I don't know why I'm so nice to you..." Corn grumbled under his breath.
"Heard that," I said as I ran past him and through the door. I ordered a large fry and paid the dude.
"Can I have your name?" he asked.
"Merkulova," I said.
"Okay... How exactly do you spell that?" he questioned. I spelled it out for the guy then sat down with the angry Corn to wait for my food.
"Hey, look," I said, "Isn't that the new transfer student?" I pointed to a chestnut-haired girl with a pretty, long ponytail. She was looking at her phone while drinking soda.
"Oh yeah!" he exclaimed. "You know, she's kinda cute." He grinned his devilish grin as we both gazed at her.
"First of all, I can hear you. Second of all, it's rude to stare," she said coldly without looking at us.
"Uh, sorry," I said bluntly.
"I have an order for Kendal, an order for Kendal." The girl got up and went to get her food.
"What's her problem?" I asked.
"Who knows?" Corn sighed.
"Order for... Uhh... Merk..."
"That's me!" I hollered at the chick trying to read Merkulova. I picked up my container of fries and followed Corn as he led the way back to the Jeep.
"Man, I want a girlfriend..." Corn moped as he got in and started the engine.
"Well that sucks for you because you won't get one as long as I'm around."