Idiots At War

Chapter 2 - The Ninja of My Dreams

Today at school I noticed something. Everyone has been calling Corn "Jay" lately. His name is CORN. Who is this Jay they speak of? I asked Corn this question on the way home from school, but he just rolled his eyes and ignored me. I was not surprised.
"Corn, my friend, you are a rare sunshine that shines upon me from the highest part of the galaxy." I said. Corn looked at me with such annoyance that I knew he would love me forever.
"And L, you idiotic fool, you are the tick I can just never get rid of."
"Yes, Corn, you are correct. I am the greatest man that ever lived."
"You need help." He pulled up in front of the apartment and I hopped out of the jeep. I waved goodbye to Corn and ran up the steps. I walked through the front door to find that Lily left for work already. I had the place all to myself. How boring. So, I walked into my room and spun around until I almost threw up. After that failure, I tested how long I could hold my breath by shoving my face into my pillow. I was trying to train myself so that if anyone ever tries to suffocate me I could hold my breath and survive like a true Ninja-Warrior-God. I am such a boss. Anyway, after that I got thirsty so I danced, literally danced, into the kitchen. Who knew, I'm a beautiful ballet dancer. I opened the fridge swiftly and stared at the contents. Milk. Pickles. Applesauce. Watermelon. Yogurt. Cheese. Oranges. Lemonade. OH YE$. THAT SOUNDED WONDERFUL. I grabbed the container filled with my sister's homemade lemonade and poured a glass.

"When life gives you lemonade, be a poodle." Ah, how I love that quote. I sat down on the couch and thought about laser tag. I like laser tag. I get to practice my ninja skills when I play laser tag. All those lasers trying to incinerate you like beavers in the night. How wonderful that game can be...

Then suddenly, my phone started to ring.

"Yeah hi. Merkulova speaking."

"It's Lily, you moron," My sis sighed. "I need you to pick some stuff up from the store."

"Yeah, okay. What do ya need?" I asked as I sipped my delicious drink. Normally I would've refused, but this time I was just so bored, and the lemonade had put me in a good mood.

"Ice cream. And get some steaks. We'll have those for dinner tomorrow, but you have to make them because Ethan's coming over." OH GREAT. HER BOYFRIEND.

"Fine. But why do we need ice cream? I think we already have some," I questioned.

"Because I don't like the kind you bought last time. Rocky Road sucks. Get Mint Chocolate Chip this time."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Your Majesty." I hung up and finished off my lemonade. Then, I left the apartment and began my trek to the store. 'Twas only a block away from my house, so it took like 4 minutes to get there.

"Welcome to Bashas!" some chick hollered as she swept the floors. Ah yes, the grand feeling you get when peasants bow at your feet. I walked around until I found the ice cream aisle. I looked at all the brands and flavors until I came across the one I needed: Breyers Mint Chocolate Chip. Easy peasy. Then I walked to the meat department and analyzed the raw, red steaks. I chose thy steak thou desired and walked right up to an empty register.

"L?"

"Oh. It's you. Hello Skyler," I said to the perky blonde lady running the register. She's Lily's best friend.

"As I've told you a million times, if you call me Skyler I'll start calling you Ian." she replied, dangerously calm.

"Alright alright! Fine! SKY!" I begged in forgiveness. She and Corn are the only people outside of my family who know my real name. Sky scanned my items and bagged them for me.

"So, still don't have a girlfriend?" she asked.

"Well, TECHNICALLY no..." I said.