(reality strikes)

i.

You go through life thinking you have these amazing people who love you and you have the best times with them, but in reality you're just a pawn on their board to be kicked out as soon as they don't need you. No matter how hard you try or how much you do for them, it will be unfazed. No matter how much effort and commitment you think you pushed towards these friendships, you know you're going to be the only one in end. You. Just you, all by yourself because you knew this whole time that you're life was a long shot. That these friends you've made are just temporary because that's all you are to them. You're the trouble kid. The one who has so many issues and the one that over thinks and is weak. And because of these aspects of your life, people use you. You're too nice and give everyone your all, that you're just used. It's like your favorite pair of jeans. You have them for a couple of years because they've been there for you throughout everything and anything. And even when the person they wanted to be there wasn't there, you. But after a couple years, those jeans start to become useless to you. Yeah you still wear them once and while, but it doesn't matter. You know you're just hanging on because a part of you knew those jeans would have to go someday. Because of this you feel like you're never going to do anything right in the world. You're going to continuously put all these people in front of you. Continuously break down, panic, worry, and it'll all be for nothing. Because in the end, you know that those people who you cared so much about, they know how easy it'll be to donate or throw you away like those favorite pair of jeans. But what are you going to do? You can only hope that things will change when in reality they say you have be the change you want to see. Well guess what, you tried and you failed. Failed because you weren't strong enough. You were weak. I couldn't hold on anymore and hold it all in anymore. On the start of this day, you know you're going to end up alone. You know that these people will forget about like they have before? So why hang on? Why are you still thinking it can change? Because you're a hopeful person. And that hope, might just be the thing to send you to your grave.