(reality strikes)

vi.

You break. You finally break but you can't cry? Why can't you cry? Why can't you scream? Why is it so hard to let out emotion? All these questions I ask myself and not knowing if I want the answers. It's bad. It's getting really bad again and I did it. The unforgivable. How can something so harmful make you feel so much better? The instant release of emotions as the pain thickens, but you don't care. You just don't want to feel anything. The thoughts are back. They are intruding into my mind day in and day out. "Let them live their lives" "your issues are exhausting and annoying" "you're only causing them stress" all the thoughts breaking that wall down that you so effortlessly built up. But what can you do when they're right? Your friends are having a blast together. Slowly not talking to you anymore and going out and having fun without you. You know why? Because you always brought the mood down. I know I always did but I thought I had changed. That was proven wrong indefinitely. So what are you gonna do? Distant yourself as usual. Push yourself far away to the point where they don't want to ever be around you. The couple of people you care so much about. The only ones you love and would do anything for you. But what can I do? I've lost this round and reality hit me with a fact: you need to be alone. You need to get better. But first; you know you're going to get much worse before anything gets any better.