(reality strikes)

vii.

Emotion is running through you. It hurts. A lot. But you don't know what to do. You're growing tired of the constants fights, the constant battles that you try so hard to tell yourself that it will be worth it one day. But when is that day? How much longer can you wake up feeling angry, depressed, upset? How much longer is it going to take before you break again. The lies, deception, and pity is given to you constantly, but no one fully understands. Others are tainted with what they hear instead of forming their own opinions, they're own actions. Then you're mocked. Played like a fool by the ones you love, and broadcasted because they know that jealousy courses through your veins. So what do you do? Do you run away and start over? The thought it there, but the question lies here: is it even possible? What would you want to change? Change your life style? Your friends? You start to wonder if you can even let go of the friends you have because they are the only ones you have. They mean so much to you, but you continue to feel like the joke of the group. The putt friend that is there because he spends endless amounts of time, effort, energy, compassion, and money for the people he loved the most. Only to be thrown back in his face. So what do you do now? The anger has started to subside, and the sadness seeps through. You're gonna go through your day, hope for the best, and try to believe that everything is happening for a reason. But how can you keep those positive thoughts when your heart hurts from the pain. The same pain and reminder that they have made you feel like a fool. A minor component in their lives. Knowing or feeling that it doesn't matter if you're in their lives or not because they can do without you. But then the thoughts start to jumble. You start to think that if any of them found this, they would be so angry. So upset that I think this way. But what can I do? You vent until you break. Tread on thin ice with my conscious and hope you don't break.